


Forget the past, we'll make this last.

by daydreamsandreveries



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, Angst, Band Fic, Banding, Established Relationship, Explicit Language, F/M, Fluff, I'm Bad At Tagging, Non-Graphic Violence, Slight Smut, Smut, its later on, its tame, theres a lot of arguments, y/n based
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-10-04
Updated: 2017-08-03
Packaged: 2018-02-19 21:35:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 28
Words: 76,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2403716
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daydreamsandreveries/pseuds/daydreamsandreveries
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everything was perfect. Until it wasn't.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoy :)  
> Side note: If you don't know.  
> Y/N is Your Name  
> y/n/n Your Nickname  
> We're English by the way.  
> Also it does get better, stick with us.

You’d been living with the 5sos boys for months when it all started to go wrong. It wasn’t unusual for you and Luke to argue but that night had been different. The juvenile manner of your argument had made it easy to forget the cause as you sniffled tears away. Michael had offered you comfort away from the world and Luke, your boyfriend for nearly a year. You hadn’t expected Luke to walk in on you and Michael. You’d only gotten into his bed for sympathy, collapsing in tears. You’d also be lying if you said you were oblivious to Michael’s soft spot for you, you liked to press on it when Luke had upset you. What you hadn’t planned was Luke bursting in the room unexpected, his own eyes red. 

“Mike, where’s my...” 

He cut his sentence short as he walked in on you in Michael’s room with Michael’s body wrapped behind you. It was purely platonic, but Luke’s squinted eyes said he thought otherwise. Michael unattached himself, quickly standing up in a defensive manner to start explaining. 

“Nothing’s going on Luke...”

Luke waved his hands in dismissal, not wanting to hear what Mike had to say

“Dude if nothing was going on you shouldn't have had her in you bed spooning her, I trusted you, you’re supposed to be my mate. I knew you liked her, fucks sake you make it obvious but I love y/n, I thought…”

It was the first time Luke had said it. You blinked away your tears, incapable of understanding what was happening. You had too many thoughts and emotions swamping your mind. You stood up going to grab Luke as a safety net, he stepped back before storming out, you heard a loud shout and a knock on the wall, he’d probably punched it. You broke down in tears as Michael reached for you, you couldn’t deal with anything, but you still went to follow Luke out of the door. As you left you turned to see Calum and Ashton outside of Mike’s room, they replaced you in the room obviously going in to talk to Michael about what had happened, leaving you alone.

You listened in at the door hearing Ashton’s voice.

“It’s not ideal liking your best friends girl mate.” 

Michael really did like you. You felt ill.

“'I can’t help who I fall for.” Michael spoke again edging you closer to throwing up on the spot.

You were in total shock, you let out a little gasp then you heard a curse from within the room and your name. They knew that you knew. 

You took a breath trying to comprehend. Luke said he loved you and Michael liked you. You walked to the room you shared with Luke, its dark walls not providing a warm welcome. You lay down on your bed, you head spinning as you broke. As you let your thoughts drown you, you faintly heard the door open, instantly causing you to pull the quilt up to hide your emotions as you heard footsteps walking towards the bed. You hoped it was Luke as you lifted your head in despair to get a good view.   
It was Michael staring at you looking the same degree of heartbroken as you were. You wanted to wipe the frown off his face, and hug him again as he was your closest friend, but you also needed space which you were just about to ask for as the door opened again displaying a broken looking Luke.

“Nothings going on then y/n.” Luke muttered through the croak in his voice and the tears in his eye.

You jumped off of the bed pushing Michael aside to explain yourself. “Luke you know this is just bad timing, I don’t, I mean this is nothing, you know I just.'

“Say it back.” Luke said staring into your eyes.

“What?”

“If there’s nothing going on with Michael then tell me you love me back.”

You just keep staring at him, a lump in your throat forming, you turned around to Michael then back at Luke 

“Luke I just I-“

God you thought, just say it it's 3 words, but the words wouldn’t come past the lump in your throat. Luke gave you a defeated look, yet you still couldn’t voice the words you were so desperate to say. You turned to look at Michael who had an awful smug look on his face which contrasted the anger in his eyes. 

"Fucking hell!" Luke suddenly exclaimed, bringing your attention back to his broken form. "Seriously? Are you for fucking real? I thought I meant something to you, I love you, I'm not afraid of it."

He finished breathless leaving you to visibly wince. Luke carried on looking close to tearing his skin apart with the way he was digging his nails into his opposite palm. 

"I hope your happy mate, she's all yours." He directed to Michael before storming out.

You collapsed in sobs finally whispering the words you meant,"I love you Luke".

It fell to deaf ears as sweet nothings as Luke was long gone.

Michael turned to head out the door leaving you to comfort yourself, leaving you with a few words.

“This is fucked up!”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is canon based on 5SOS.  
> Just add yourself into it.  
> Hope you enjoy :)  
> Side note: If you don't know.  
> Y/N is Your Name  
> y/n/n Your Nickname  
> We're English by the way. So if there are inaccuracies in the form you know why. Apologies.  
> Also it does get better, stick with us.

“I love you.' You whispered angrily, throwing another object at the wall. “I fucking love you.”

It’s what you’d been doing for the past 2 hours seeing as you’d had hardly any sleep. Instead you’d sat on the floor slumped against the bed, wearing one of Luke’s oversized band tees that you slept in the night before. You were sure all the boys had now left the house so you were by yourself in Luke’s bedroom. You looked around the room, your eyes   
falling upon pictures of you and Luke together. The pictures brought up memories that you were too scared to relive. 

“He loves you so much why wouldn’t you... just... say...it.” you mumbled to yourself picking up your fist and slamming into the first photo frame your eyes fell upon.

Not being able to take the memories your room surfaced anymore you stormed out, hand bleeding. You were filled with a determination brought from your distraught to fix things with Luke but as you flung the door open your watered eyes set upon a frowning Michael. Michael stared helplessly at your hand, before letting out a broken sigh. 

"I'm sorry about last night." 

"It’s not all your fault I guess, I mean we all fucked up pretty badly." You replied trying to avoid what would ultimately be awkward eye contact. 

You started tugging at Luke’s ‘you complete me'ss' tee you had slept in, a subconscious reminder of where your true problems laid. 

"I guess you sorted it out then." Michael almost whispered whilst watching you continue to tug at the tee. 

"I wish it was that simple". You replied before Michael nodded slowly taking a step towards you.

”We didn’t, sort it out you know, we didn’t do anything last night, he didn’t even want to touch me.” You spoke face frontal to Michael, he was breathing calmly but loudly and you could almost feel the warmth on your skin. 

“I want to.”

You looked up from the shirt, to meet Michael’s eyes.

“I want to touch you.” Michael murmured again. 

You went to quickly pull away, scared of what Michael was implying. ”Michael I can’t” you said, through a barely audible whisper. 

“You can’t what?” He said, taking another step.

“Me and Luke we’re together, I’m not doing this.” You were trying to convince yourself if your words had true meaning.

“Ok.” He said unconvincingly, but still didn’t move away. “Just tell me if you want me to stop and.. I will' he breathed, leaning in, fuck think fast you thought.

You managed to quickly tilt your head to the right, Michael’s lips just ghosting the corner of your mouth before landing softly on your cheek. You quickly flicked your eyes up to see Michael's lust filled lips fall into a frown. Before he could say anything you moved back a step before he could bring you back into his arms. 

"Michael, Luke is practically your brother, neither of us can do this to him, we both love him. Seriously think about what you’re risking right now, and just know that I am not worth it." You stuttered out, not sure what had just happened.

"You were though...”. Fuck, was what crossed your mind first followed by why is he talking in past tense. 

You hadn’t a chance to reply as you spun around due to hearing footsteps, to see Luke. You weren't sure whether the redness around his eye was because he was high or just simply out of tears or both. All you did know is that Luke was visibly broken and Michael had your hand in his.

You couldn’t even find anymore words, there was nothing to say or to do that would convince Luke. Michael was your friend and you couldn’t just drop him in the shit, it was both your faults. But before you could even part you lips to start a string of apologies, Luke came towards you. You thought he was going to scream, shout or for a minute you thought he was going to hit you.

“He better not have touched you.” He said, picking up your hand and wiping the blood, ignoring Michael who had now let you go and took a reasonable step backwards.

“He didn’t, I just got angry.” You said tilting your head at the broken photo frame on the floor. 

“You’re an idiot.” He said sternly but with a hint of a smirk. 

He pulled your wrist and tugged you into the bathroom, with an obvious shove into Michaels arm. 

“Sit down.” He said, you hovered on the side of the bath as he brought you wet tissue and a bandage from the cupboard. He smiled at you whist dabbing the water onto your wound, wrapping your hand up in a comfortable silence. 

“Fuck, I love you, Luke”. You spoke, under your breath, not confident enough to say it loudly.

He walked back over to the sink without a word and let out a “Finally”.

Aside you heard the door to your room slam shut, indicating Michael’s removal of himself from the situation.

"Finally." You jokingly whispered back. 

Luke just stared at you from across the room before jokingly shaking his head whilst walking towards you. He moved to sit next to you on the bath edge almost hesitantly, so you reached for his hand as he wrapped your entire upper body in his arms. 

"I'm serious though Luke." You whispered into his ear, "You and Michael need to sort this out, I'm not going to be a cause of a band rift." It was a humourless joke you played with whilst you proceeded to kiss down his jaw.

Luke tilted your head away with a simple touch from his hands and brought you eye to eye. 

"I don't want to talk to him yet because he's a fucking prick”. 

You opened your mouth to protest before Luke shushed you with a single finger to your lips before carrying on.

"But I will tomorrow, you're my everything and if sorting things out makes you happy I'll do it as long as I know you'll be on my side.”

“Of course I will be by your side. We’ve been arguing for the last two days and I’ve realise that I can’t cope without you.” You spoke honestly.

“Soppy”, he replied laughing, whilst kissing the top of your head and walking out to the top of the stairs.

You were left a contented emotional mess sat in a bathroom, it was ridiculous.

“Want anything to eat?!” He shouted from the stairs.

“Its ok, I’ll be down in a sec.” You called, picking your phone off the side of the bath. 

1 missed call and a message. Michael: I need to speak to you please. 

“For fucks sake.” You sighed.

You locked your phone and walked down the stairs to meet with Luke .When you entered the kitchen you walked straight up to Luke who was attempting to fit 3/4 of the previous day’s pizza into the microwave, you laughed before grabbing a knife, cutting it and putting a few slices in. You then felt Luke’s strong arms behind you, as he nestled his nose in your hair.

"Babe, you made me pizza. I love you even more." Luke joked behind you.

You couldn’t help but chuckle slightly before turning in his arms so you were face to face. 

"You are an idiot and I have no idea why anyone likes you, but me because for some reason I'm stupidly in love with you." You said before pecking Luke’s nose in an attempt to be cute.

It seemed to have worked as you saw Luke blush, before he pulled you slowly in to a light kiss, as you opened your eyes you saw Michael behind Luke’s shoulder, his whole face contorted before he turned and left in the direction he came from after clearly witnessing the whole scene. You sighed into Luke, as his lips caress yours you try to push aside a slight feeling of guilt with an overriding emotion of content. 

“You have to talk to him” you said, pulling out of the kiss.

You felt so unsure about everything. Outside it seemed so secure and happy, but inside you were a mess of lust and confusion. 

“I can’t, I’ll flip.' 

You looked at him with puppy eyes. “Please” you pecked his lips lightly, smirking and looking up at the giant that stood before you. 

“I don’t even know what to say.” He confessed.

“What you feel”, you answered. 

You could tell he was getting nervous as his feet were doing the cute nervous shuffle. You both heard Michael’s bedroom door slam and his TV in his room turn on, loudly.

“Go now, while Ash and Cal are out I would.” You tried to convince Luke. 

He shook his head slightly at you in despair. “Only because I don’t want to upset you.” He said, before turning away and walking upstairs. 

“More pizza for me.” You laughed to yourself, taking it out of the microwave and into the lounge.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, Kudos and Comments are much appreciated.  
> I don't really know what I'm doing excuse me.  
> R&M xo  
> Authors Links.  
> Riley~R  
> Tumblr: http://ohsotheresonlyonedirection.tumblr.com/  
> Twitter: Platonicboys (Can ask for personal xo)
> 
> Maddie~M  
> Tumblr: http://bloodstained-daisy.tumblr.com/  
> Twitter: Just ask xo


	3. Chapter 3

As you sat in the lounge just about to start your pizza you heard a slam of a door which you could only assume was Luke entering Michaels room, your suspicion was confirmed as soon as a minute later when you hear raised voices through the paper thin walls. The first sentence you caught was in the deep rough tone you’d only ever heard Luke use once when you told him that you weren’t sure if your relationship could last the distance of a tour, that voice was anger. The voice that brought about the solution of you following 5sos on tour.

"I love her, she loves me and you need to accept that or fuck off". 

You felt the force of the words rip through your body, almost motivating you to get out of the lounge and into Mike’s room before someone ended up with a bruise even Lou Teasdale couldn’t work her magic on. However just as you were about to move, an eerie silence fell. The silence felt like hours and then you were called, a surprisingly quite call from Luke.  
“Y/n!” He said, just loud enough so that you could hear from the lounge but no one else could. “Can you come here?”   
He was calm, and it was scaring you, you knew Luke. Just before he got angry he was quiet and shy. 

You walked upstairs hastily, it was the afternoon, yet you still hadn’t got dressed. You were literally doing nothing but tiring yourself out emotionally. You gulped before entering.

“Uh yes?” You asked cautiously stepping inside.

Luke and Mike stood at either side of the room, Luke with his back towards you. 

“I’m sorry y/n it just came out I didn’t mean to say it.” Michael said, looking deep into your eyes, you had no idea what he was talking about.

Luke hadn’t even turned around to look at you yet, he just kept staring at Michael, his body shifting towards yours. There was more silence, it was sinking you. 

“Did you kiss Michael?” He asked, clenching his jaw, you could hear it in his tone even though you couldn’t see. 

“What of course I haven’t?!” You shouted, creasing your brow. 

“Not even a few months ago, when we were on a break?” Luke finally turned around to face you, he had tears in his eyes, as you’d betrayed him again. 

4 months ago you and Luke had been on a break after you told him you had to concentrate on college (before dropping out) , you and Michael had got closer and behind Luke’s back one night had gotten drunk in your bedroom before doing a little more than kissing, Luke hadn’t known. Your mouth dropped in surprise.

“We were on a break.” You finally croaked out. Your life was becoming a ‘Friends’ episode that you had no control over. 

“WE’RE HOME!” You heard Calum’s voice call from the hallway. 

Luke just shook his head and left the room, once again leaving you and Michael, alone. Michael automatically wrapped himself around you but all you could think about was how it was Luke’s arms in the same position only a few hours earlier. The difference was heart wrenching. Emotionally drained you had no choice but to let yourself sigh into Michael after running out of tears. 

"The other boys are home, we can talk about this later if you want." Michael whispered, you simply nodded before sniffing, yanking on one of Michael’s jumpers from the floor and heading downstairs, Michael following you.

As you got downstairs you saw Luke slumped in a chair at the table across from Calum while Ashton was microwaving the pizza you had left. You thought you’d already broken Luke as much as possible but looking at his shrunken form in his chair, nausea flooded you when you realised how wrong you had been.

“Hey y/n.” Ash smiled, “Want a slice?”

You nodded as you took a piece from his hand.

Michael was now sat by Calum and Luke was still slumped in the corner.

“You okay?” Ash asked quietly, you only hoped the nausea wasn’t visible. 

You just nodded and turned away from him to look at the table. Scanning the chairs left, you could sit next to your boyfriend, the person who now physically hated you and was an emotional mess or Michael, your best mate and the one your boyfriend now hated too. You just ambled awkwardly instead of sitting for the minute. 

“What you guys been doing then?” Cal asked a mouth full of pizza.

Noone spoke, what would they say?

“Nothing.” You all said in unison, suspiciously.

“Oh…” Ash laughed. You stood awkwardly leaning against the wall by Luke, snuggling into Mike’s jumper for a sense of protection.

“Nice jumper” Luke spoke, loud enough for only you to hear. “Suits you”.

That was it for you, if Luke was going to play that game you could play it to. You made a point of brushing past Luke as you took the seat next to Michael. You could feel all the boys’ eyes on you as you did so. 

Thankfully Michael broke the awkward silence, "I do think it suits you, makes you look cuter than you already are, and I didn’t think that was possible." 

It was probably not the best thing for him to say. You were proven right as you saw Luke grit his teeth and Calum nudge Michaels arm in warning. You simply laughed looking past Luke to Ashton who looked very confused. Ashton put his pizza down and was the first to speak the many questions looming in the room.

"Y/n why the sad face?”

"Don’t feel good." You faked a smile, "Too much pizza I think".

You were more than content in the security of the lie. Luke wasn’t having any of it; he wasn’t pleased with your lie. 

"Don’t lie!" He growled bluntly. 

”I aint lying.” You smiled sweetly at him, maybe too sweetly, accentuating the accent.

“It wouldn’t be the first time.” He bit off a piece of pizza and threw it down onto his plate. 

“I didn’t lie, I just didn’t tell you and I’m sorry for that but it’s no reason to be a dick.” You said, getting angrier by the second. 

Michael put his hand on your thigh under the table trying to calm you down and even though you knew it was wrong, you didn’t care and left it there. 

“You just forgot to tell me then yeah?” 

All the boys were watching now, you could feel the awkwardness in the air and the confusion from Ash and Cal. 

“Oh you mean like the time you forgot to tell me about that one night you had with Sara Ellen in your hotel room?” You scoffed at him, putting the emphasis on forgot.

Ash let out an uncontrollable gasp. Luke just glared at you; he had no words because he had no liable comeback. 

"Speechless!" You humourlessly laughed to Luke. "Thought so". 

"Fuck you!" Luke snarled.

"Fuck me? Not anymore mate". You cut him off. 

Luke’s eyes lit up in anger as his mouth flew open, preparing to force the words back down your throat.

"I don’t know what’s going on but stop it, you’re both obviously angry and this isn’t helping." Ashton stopped Luke, he was serious. Ashton was serious, you knew this was bad.

Michael was next to speak, “Ash, fair enough but you don’t know shit right now, so please in the nicest way possible, fuck off."

With that Ashton shook his head and left pulling Calum out with him. That was another problem you’d caused, just great. 

However it gave you a chance to speak your feelings and you weren’t about to miss it. "Sara Ellen? Remember how I found out, Michael had to tell me. And the worse part Luke, we weren’t even on a break..." You were laying it all out now. 

Luke stared blankly at you. “We were arguing, I was angry…” Luke began to spill out messily, you weren’t about to listen to it, you’d heard it all before. 

“SO YOU FUCKED SOME OTHER GIRL!” You screamed across to him.

Michael got up from his chair, and silently left the room in intimidation, you didn’t take any notice. 

“While I was crying in my room into your jumper, you were sleeping around.” You moved your blurry eyes over to Luke, his face was red with embarrassment, it always happened when you brought it up, you could tell he regretted it but you could never persuade yourself that he had no feelings for her and that’s what made you so anxious. “And I have to be reminded about it every day because all the fans know and by her fucking stalker tweets”. It was true, that girl had no limits.

“And I have to be reminded every day because I live and band with Michael!” Luke explained, counteracting you. 

“I guess we’re as bad as each other.” You replied, you were finally getting to a solution but without thinking your mouth kept moving and you didn’t and couldn’t stop it.

“You fucked Sara and I fucked Mike.” It had seemed needed at the time, admittance of wrongs and all that.


	4. Chapter 4

"YOU FUCKING WHAT."

You could’ve fucking died in that moment. You couldn’t have shut your mouth and just made up like a normal couple. You could feel yourself shaking in regret, you could hear his quick rugged breaths, he was scaring you.  
"Luke I didn’t mean to...”

"Mean to what?! Fuck one of my best mates or tell me?" He yelled, his fists were clenched and his eyes were wide open in complete shock. 

"I can’t believe you!" He spat out. "I’m going to fucking kill him!”

"Luke don’t please it was a mistake, we were drunk it was one night, we weren’t even together..." You started to explain. 

"But it’s Michael, for fucks sake, in what world would that ever be acceptable. Who knows? Cal? Ash? Have you all been laughing at me behind my back?" He spat. 

You flushed red. "No not at all, just me and Michael, we woke up with hangovers, I don’t even remember it that well. It was a mistake, that’s all. Yours wasn’t, and yours was cheating in what world is that right?"

Luke’s fists unclenched before automatically clenching again, " I can’t believe you’re bringing that shit up, I thought it was in the past. We moved on together, I thought we were okay....." 

You looked up blinking back tears "I’m sorry Luke."

"Don’t waste your breath, I don’t even know how I feel about you now." He hissed before walking away from you.

“Luke…”

You thought he was going to rip Michael apart but before you could get around the corner the front door slammed and Luke disappeared. The door echoed in your ears, and everything felt like it was still, as slowly, very slowly tears started to fall down your cheeks. Your body started to crumple as you collapsed on to the floor letting out floods of tears. You felt a hand on your shoulder as you shook. You looked up hopefully, thinking it was Luke, but to your disappointment it was Michael.  
“Get off just- get off!” You shouted before standing to your feet and running up the stairs. 

You locked yourself in your room pulling off Mikes top and replacing it with one of Luke’s before you collapsed into your bed. You could smell Luke on the pillow, in the sheets and in the duvet. All of it was just creating a phantom of him which made your tears fall even heavier. Your brain flashed through the previous argument and you felt sick with regret of the words you had said. Just as you were about to fall into a restless sleep you heard the door softly open so therefore it couldn’t be Luke. He was all you wanted, all you ever wanted. You felt the bed dip behind you, and felt warm arms on your side. You took one deep breath and recognised a scent of security, Calum.

“Stop crying you twat.” He said, you could tell he was smiling.

“Shut up.” You laughed through your tears, you sat up and wiped your eyes and slumped your back against the wall. 

“I have no idea what’s going on but it all seems a bit fucked.” He spoke with a husky tone and a smirk on his face. You might as well tell him now, he’d find out anyway. 

“Basically I spooned Michael, Luke got angry, Michael said he likes me, Luke found out shouted at Mike then Michael told Luke we had kissed, Luke got angry I shouted because remember when he fucked Sara.”

Calum nodded along as if he was trying to keep up, “Uh yeah I remember.” It was embarrassing the fact that all the boys knew, it made you feel like an idiot. “Is that everything?” He asked, sitting up next to you. 

“Well I-” You sighed deeply. “Me and mike- we didn’t just kiss- we had drunk sex”. 

Calum tried to stifle a laugh in the more than serious situation, which was typical Calum but this time it made you want to hit him there and then. 

"Cal don’t it was a mistake we were really drunk and I was lonely, and now I’m lonely again because of it."

"Sorry!" He quickly replied in a more serious tone, "Just thought of you and Michael doing the dirty".

You did hit him this time.

"Ouch you violent girl!" He joked bringing a smile back to your face.

"Y/n," he continued after the smile. "We all make mistakes, you’re both teenagers so you’re allowed to.” Calum lectured as if he was years older than you. “You know Sara meant nothing to Luke and you know how much he regrets it. And we all know how much he loves you. -Whoops, did I just tell you he loves you, shit!"

You actually laughed then, "No it’s okay; we told each other in the middle of this mess how romantic! I’m not sure if he does love me now, he even said he’s unsure about his feelings towards me presently". 

Calum shushed you. "He does love you, he’s just being a hormonal prick, yeah if I found out my girl had fucked Michael or any of the boys I’d be a bit pissed but you guys were on a break. We all honestly thought it was over for good, the fact you guys are together now proves how strong you are, and that shouldn’t be wasted. Just talk it out I’m sure he’ll forgive you and if not I’m sure Ash can find other uses for his drumsticks. Also I will complain about how cute you two are tomorrow but I will do it with joy."

You sniffled then smiled, "Thanks Cal means a lot".

"Anytime".

You slowly fell onto Cal’s’ shoulder and closed your eyes, they felt heavier and heavier. You felt Calum’s lips touch your forehead causing you to smile as you fell asleep.  
\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
You woke up to the sound of Nickleback flowing through the house; you rolled over and hit a body. You snuggled into the chest of the person thinking it was Calum, but you opened your eyes to see a blonde quiff and a lip piercing. The word Luke breathed through your lips without thinking. You could hear his heart thumping underneath you and in that moment you didn’t know how you’d ever manage to sleep without it’s sound again. 

"Sleeping with another one of the boys." He only half joked whilst stroking through your hair.

You simply sighed feeling relief that at least some of the tensions of the previous night had lifted. Luke held you like he always did, you knew not everything had changed. You snuggled tighter into his chest not wanting him to let you go again. You didn’t want to speak or question him in case you did something wrong to start the argument up again, for now you just wanted him, nothing or no one else. You knew you were going to have to speak about it sooner or later but you were trying to ignore the subject for as long as possible.  
Luke slyly sniffed at you. You look up at him in a confused manner.

“Someone needs a shower.” He laughed nudging you out of the bed, you flopped onto your side and pulled a sad face in his direction. “Oh and I want my shirt back.” He smirked. 

You left the room quietly and Luke turned around to fall back to sleep.

“Love you.” You whispered, smiling to yourself. After you’d finished showering you snuggled back into bed with Luke allowing him to encompass you. All of the weight of the day had lifted when you felt Luke’s warm breath on your cheek; you really did love this boy. Slowly as you stared at Luke’s arms around you, you gave yourself a talk not to fuck things up in the morning before letting sleep take you.  
\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
When you woke up there were no arms around just simply another shirt laid out on the bed which you assumed Luke had left for you as you knew how much he loved you in his tees. As you shrugged the oversized tee on you made your way downstairs to hear the boys chatting and laughing, a pleasant change to the previous day’s hostilities. As soon as you walked into the lounge Luke smirked at you.

"Thought I said I wanted my shirt back." He laughed. 

“Well you’re the one that left it out for me.” You said cheekily back whilst you sat on the sofa next to Luke, in-between him and Ash. 

“No I didn’t? You idiot.” He laughed back, you smiled back a fake smile.

“Oh my mistake.” You stuttered out, Luke just laughed and planted a kiss on the top of your head.

You knew you hadn’t left that t-shirt there and Luke didn’t so who was it? Your confused face became apparent to Ash. 

“What’s up?” He laughed, nudging you. 

You snapped out of your trace and told him you were fine as the conversation carried on as normal, joking and laughing just as before. But not for long as the room fell silent as Michael walked in.

“Morning.” He yawned. 

The tension was immediate. You thought of Michael trying to comfort you earlier and thought of how off that must’ve seemed to him, you loved Luke but Michael was one of your best friends.  
"Morning." You tried, over exaggerating your smile and the happiness in your voice.

Michael looked to you, smiled as he saw what you were wearing but his words betrayed the smile on his face.

"Wasn’t talking to you."

You frowned, Luke clearly noticing as he joined his fingers in yours presenting to Michael that you were no longer actively arguing. Ash was the first to reply like always.

"Nice to hear that mate, don’t treat your bestie like that, you love y/n". 

You cringed visibly at the use of the word love, knowing the situation was still unresolved and raw. As Michael flipped Ash off you realised, Ash was completely oblivious. 

“What the fuck was that for” Ash asked Michael, a slight laugh in his voice. 

“I don’t fucking love her!”

Luke’s fingers tightened in the grip, you both ignored Michael, thinking it was probably for the best.

“I meant as friends Mike, I know you don’t love her like that Jesu-” 

“Just leave it Ash.” You tried to smile at him, Luke still holding on to your hand.

“She’s tearing us lot apart mate!” Mike said snidely, spitting the word “her” at you. “Who will she sleep with next?”  
“What?” Ash asked from next to you. 

“For fuck sake…” Luke rolled his eyes back. 

"What makes you think you can talk to me like that?" You snarled. This wasn’t a joke anymore, Michael had basically thrown the label slut on you, Michael of all people.

"Babe" Luke tried to calm your growing anger, how fucking ironic you thought.

“Me? I would know wouldn’t I? Fuck someone you know had feelings for you, when you’ve barely called it off with your boyfriend. I think I can pass a judgement." Michael growled. 

Ash simply gasped, while Calum stood up and reached for Michaels arm in an attempt to either cool him down or push him away. Luke was angry as well you could feel it in his grip, but you, you felt betrayed. 

"You’re no better than those slag’s we pick up every now and again y/n, so don’t go thinking you’re permanent." Michael spat.

You looked at Luke, wanting for him to say something, anything to defend you but he just kept quiet. 

“You know what fuck this.” You said calmly, with no emotion, you had run out of emotion, sadness, love, lust, anger you had felt it all over the past 2 days. “I can’t deal with this.” You said as you got off the sofa and stood face to face with Michael. “I can’t be dealing with you.” You spat.

“You dealt with me quite well that night we-”

Slap! Your hand hit Michael’s cheek with a wallop. It made your hand sting red but before you could clench it in pain a pair of arms picked you up from your waist and dragged you backwards.

“Calm down!” Ash shouted.

You let Calum hug you, you couldn’t even cry into his shoulder letting everything out. You felt numb. The scene was laughable, you shaking into Calum, while Luke sat on the sofa dumbfounded. Michael was animated in shock and anger cursing you under the sun, while Ashton stood next to him very confused.  
It didn’t surprise you Ash’s was the voice that rose above again.

"What the fuck has gotten into you guys!"

"Well half the band had gotten into y/n." Michaels cut in.

Ash punched his arm lightly, "Mate shut the fuck up. Y/n you okay?"

You turned from Calum giving him an appreciative small smile before you faced Ash before simply replying "I don’t even know."

Ash ran his hand through his hair, "Let me get this straight, correct me if I’m wrong, y/n you fucked Michael when you weren’t with Luke."

You simply nodded. 

"And Luke...”

“Slept with Sara Ellen when we were together but it’s okay now, we sorted it." You cleared up.

"And Michael has obvious feelings for y/n and is obviously being an angsty teenager about it, and y/n has a great slap. That about it?" Ashton said as if you weren’t even in the room. Y/n was third person after all. 

“You missed out the fact y/n is being a complete bitch about the situation” .Michael said in another snide remark. 

“Shut the FUCK UP” You tried squirming out of Calum’s arms but he held you back. 

“What? I’m just saying? You’re the one that runs back to cuddle me when you and Lukey have had an argument.”

You once again tried to wriggle out of Calum’s grasp. Luke just looked up at you; you knew he was hurt by Michael’s words. 

“If you do actually like y/n, why are you being so god damn rude?” Calum interrupted.

Michael didn’t know himself; he just stood in silence as everyone watched him search for an answer. “I’m going out.” He bluntly said, before leaving.

“If this ever gets out to the fans, we’re fucked.” Ash spoke slumping back down onto the sofa, he was always thinking about the practical side of things. 

You sat in silence for a long time simply looking at your bare feet releasing your anger quietly. The boys spoke around you about the fans and consequences, all of which made you feel like an inconvenience. You loved Luke and the boys but you knew they’d always love music more. The fans didn’t even really know about you and Luke officially, it was all very vague. Sure 99% of people knew you were Luke’s girlfriend, but he hadn’t even said it in an interview or anything. You wondered if he wanted it to stay that way, his life behind the image. You.

Luke nodded towards you as if to ask if you were okay. You smiled back to reassure him. You stared back into space thinking about the days where you and Luke could actually leave the house together, if you did now you would be swarmed by fans and paps, maybe that was why you and Luke’s relationship was strained nowadays. You were arguing like cat and dog. Last month one of the boys make-up artists accidentally leaked a picture of you and Luke kissing, that was when most of the fandom realised you were official but Luke still wanted to cover it up, and that was when you started doubting if you meant as much to him as he made out. 

“I’m going out.” You huffed. 

As you left the room, you only heard the start of the boy’s conversation, "What’s wrong with her now?" Ash had said.

You wondered if Luke would explain what you had just been thinking, you doubted it.

As you walked out the house you started aimlessly walking along the streets of London. A few fans saw you leaving and started shouting.

"Y/n how’s Luke?"

"When are you going to give up groupie status?!" 

The last one stung but you simply smiled and put your sunglasses on, you didn’t want an Iphone camera to reveal the stress in your eyes. You must’ve walked for about 20 minutes on your own before you spotted someone you knew walking towards you. You stopped in your tracks.

“I don’t want to talk to you.” He said, pushing past your arm.

“Mike wait...” 

“What?” He asked rudely, you wanted to tell him that you weren’t sure about Luke, you felt down about the relationship, you wanted to tell him that you were sorry about everything, the slap, the cuddling, you were sorry you slept with him knowing he liked you. You wanted to tell him that you always thought about what would have happened if you chose him over Luke. Yet instead you looked into his dead eyes that had obviously been crying, his pale skin, cheeks that had a hint a red stain.

“There are fans down there, just in case you wondered.” He shook his head, jumping in your place for explanation.

You walked a few steps away from his before turning back to him.

"Wait". You tried one more time, but Michael has already started walking back in the direction of the house. You knew he couldn’t avoid you forever but you also knew that you would have to make up your mind soon.


	5. Chapter 5

Your thoughts were eating you alive, draining you. The idea of ever being with Michael seemed impossible, and yet you couldn’t stop thinking of what ifs, when you shouldn’t have even been thinking of him at all. In a bold move you carried down the street to meet some fans, some would say that you were making a selfish move, but you did love the girls, and you were in desperate need of female company and approval. 

“Y/n!” Half the girls on the street ran up to you, the other half glared, they were probably new fans that didn’t know about you, or they heard the rumours of you being a groupie and believed it. 

You grinned at the happy faces bounding towards you in their 5sos tops and checked shirts. Some familiar faces even welcomed you with hugs and pictures.

“Thought I’d hang with you girls! Bored of that house full of boys.” You laughed, putting up a front. 

Most of the girls waited in some sort of self-made line against a wall with blankets and jackets surrounding them, you never knew what they were actually waiting for, some kind of miracle? You sat down next to Charlotte, a fan who you would see around a lot and had a decent friendship with. You felt almost sorry for them; they sat in the cold all day just to see a glimpse of the boys.

“Is Mike ok y/n/n?” You found it cute when she called you by your nickname.

“Why?” You asked, cautiously.

“He came by earlier, didn’t stop.” She whispered, looking defeated. “He usually stops”. 

You had to lie to her. What were you supposed to say, oh I broke his heart and I’m also currently having thoughts that could break Luke’s as well. These girls would do anything to be in your position; they felt their lives had been accomplished even if one of the boys smiled at them. The boys had saved their lives and they loved them. You had more things in common with them than they knew. 

"I’m sure he was just in a Michael mood. Shops probably didn’t have the new dye he wanted." You laughed almost convincing yourself. 

Charlotte smiled but then moved closer to you. This wasn’t in private, it was the opposite. "You don’t have to lie to me, y/n, we get he’s a person too." She smiled up at you.

You were tongue tied. You looked at all the faces sat in front of you, all listening intently, “Seriously girls.” You laughed nervously. 

Charlotte hmmed at you, knowing it wasn’t the truth but not having the power in the situation to do anything about it. The other girls started talking again, blabbing on about the unimportant things in life, you found yourself laughing along and becoming friendlier with them than you had hoped, but it wasn’t all bad, and they were there to defend you.

“Who even are you?!” Some girl shouted from the other side of the ‘line’.

“Leave it Georgie.” Charlotte shouted back in return, the girls knew each other well they were ‘big names’ in the fandom.

“Is she some fucking groupie?” Georgie shouted back, drawing attention.

She was wearing a short dress with stockings and high heeled boots, obviously trying to impress or even sleep with the boys and by their standards they probably would take up the opportunity. It was all pretty ironic. 

“She’s mates with them.” Charlotte replied, she turned away from Georgie as she thought that was the end of the confrontation. 

“Slut.” She coughed, the rest of her minions laughing. 

“She’s not a slut!” You heard a husky tone voice preach. You smiled at the faint figure in the house doorway. 

“Lunch is ready.” He nodded in your direction.

You stood up and hugged Charlotte and some of her mates, you didn’t leave before telling Charlotte you’d warn the boys of Georgie though. Charlotte laughed at that, and it felt good to just be happy for a while. You weren’t sure if it would last when you went inside.

"Bye!” You called out again before entering the house, the girls waved back at you and automatically grouped to gossip about your details and your situation. 

You hugged Luke inside, once he had shut the door, he kissed your nose cutely before you kissed him hastily on the mouth before joining the boys in the kitchen, just to ease any previous tension.

"Some fans you have." You spoke to Ash and Cal who were sat eating.

"I know, we love them." Cal replied.

"And I love you more." Luke wrapped his arms around your waist, too much for the situation.

You just nodded your head, scared of what implications those words were now associated with. As you and Luke sat down at the table and started to eat Michaels absence was noticeable.

"Has Mike been back?" You asked. “It’s not like him to miss lunch". 

Ash simply shook his head as a clear avoidance of the expected conversation. 

“You saw him?” Calum asked, a mouth full of crisps. 

You looked at Luke through the corner of your eye, he didn’t say anything but you could tell that if you said that you had even seen Mike he would burst, the conflict between them was killing you.

“No.” You said casually, “Haven’t seen him”; Ash laughed and shook his head. 

You found yourself wondering about Mike, where he was, what he was doing, you imagined if he was with that Georgie girl and you found yourself getting jealous about another lad when your boyfriend was sat next to you.

"There are some right characters out there though." You said trying to change the route of the conversation. 

"Some well-known ones." Calum added laughing in unison with the other two boys, way to make you feel like shit. 

You knew Luke had been with girls before you but it didn’t make it hurt less. And Michael as well, he wasn’t exclusive to you and you had no right to even think of him like that, but knowing he was available to girls like Georgie made you sick. You flushed, causing Luke to ask if you were okay you nodded again, it seemed like that was all you were doing recently, that and reassuring Luke you were okay when you were fine from it. Time passed slowly in the house and through a couple of drinks and a laugh it was already getting dark. As you and the boys settled to watch a cheesy film Ash had recommended, you couldn’t keep your mind off Michael long enough to concentrate. None of the boys mentioned it though, and you didn’t want to be seen as a perpetrator of another argument so you stayed quiet and let your thoughts scream in your mind. Where is he? Why do I care? Does he still like me? Even love me? Why do I care?

You snuggled into Luke and breathed in his scent trying to remind yourself what you should be sticking to, reminding yourself you were in a committed relationship. Luke intertwined his fingers with yours and giggled at you tapping your fingers on his.

“Stop.” Luke whispered. 

“Can the love birds in the corner please shut up we’re trying to watch a film.” You laughed and shushed Ash. 

“Grumpy Ashton!”

Just as the credits fell on the screen, the door slammed and you couldn’t help but smile that it was Michael coming home, but the smile soon dropped when you heard a girly giggle and the sound of heels in the hall. You froze. No. This couldn’t have been happening; you were not going to sit in the same house as him while he fucked some slag, no way. You stood up immediately untangling yourself from Luke, breaking the cutesy act and letting your true emotions shape you. Ignoring Luke’s protests, you stormed out into the corridor to be met with a sight that could’ve made you throw up on the spot. Michael was clearly out of his head drunk, he could barely stand up, the only reason he still was sanding was Georgie. Georgie and her arms pushing him up against the wall, her tits shoved up in his body. You tried to think calmly, Michael wasn’t yours, Luke was. Your boyfriend was in the other room, therefore you had no right to stop Mike doing anything with anyone even Georgie. You flicked your eyes to Michael who you guessed had just recognised you.

"George-- Georgie?? This was my--my-- latest fuck, now I fuck fucking can’t even look at it”!" Michael slurred to you.

He’d rumbled you in front of a fan, this was no longer an inside situation, it would get spread as Georgie herself didn’t even seem drunk, she was a flirty tipsy at the most. You saw her tip her head back in a false laugh, the ones you knew Michael hated as he always complimented the sincerity of your laugh. You saw her bleached pink hair tumble back, before she attached her glossy lips to Michael’s mouth. That was when you lost your shit.

“You can’t sleep with a piece of shit like that!” You surged forward, only stopping yourself in the memory that she had 30,000 twitter followers and could expose even more than she already knew. Michael laughed in your direction. 

“Y/n, oh baby, don’t you see.” He stumbled around a bit before continuing “I am single, I can doooo as I pleeease!” 

You gulped back the tears as you knew, even in the state Mike was in, he was right.

“You just can’t Mike.” You started before being cut out.

“Fuck off y/n!” Georgie screamed as all Mike seemed to do was intently chuckle at your embarrassment.

“What is going on?” Luke spoke out, standing directly behind you; you could feel the warmth of his breath on your neck, Calum and Ash soon followed behind. 

“Y/n is pro-ooh-testing against me sleeping with our long time friend Georgie.”

“Hi Luke.” She smiled flirty at Luke. 

“Hi Gee.” He replied casually.

“Gee?!” You asked with a tone of anger “You fucking know her?”.

"Obviously" Luke shrugged.

"What the actual fuck how did I not know this, are you just cutting me out of your lives now or what?!" You stumbled out completely overwhelmed.

"Babe, chill." Luke ran his hand down your side resting it on your ass.

Michael glared for too long through glassy eyes, you almost wanted to shrug out from Luke, but you didn’t, you couldn’t. 

"Mike’s sort of ex." Ash caught you up. 

You wanted to hit her now, after she’d had the audacity to call you out. Michael deserved over a hundred times better, and if he had been that serious with her at one point that the boys knew her, you wanted to hit him as well. Still she was a fan, it couldn’t have been too serious, not without word getting round. 

"Oi Ash she wo-wasn't ma girl." Michael backtracked as if he could read your mind and as if her lips weren’t on his neck.

"They just hooked up a lot." Luke said way too calmly for your liking.

‘Gee’ detached herself from Mike to add ,"More than a lot hun" before continuing working on the love bite on his neck.

Damn, you’d been stupid. He’d probably been fucking her the whole time, even when he’d been with you. You wanted to shout in Mikes face ‘why say you love me then you asshole’, you didn’t, you simply pulled Luke into a kiss in a moment of madness before looking straight at Mike hoping that even in his state he would do the right thing.

You let your sanity catch up with you, what were you thinking, do the right thing, he was as single as anything; he could be a slag if he wanted. You had Luke, Luke, you fucking loved Luke. Luke’s arms were wrapped tightly around your waist, you kissed him on your tiptoes and as you pulled off, Luke whispered in your ear.

“Come on y/n, she’s not worth it.”

“I’m not worth it?” Georgie scoffed, releasing herself from Michaels grip leaving him to stumble around trying to find his feet, “Fuck you Lukey!” She said emphasising the Lukey like she had said it before. You felt like lunging forward and throttling her.

“Come on…” Luke insisted, pulling at your wrist he wanted to get away more than you did and you wanted to know why.

You followed Luke out of the hallway back to your room. It had been the first night in a couple that you two had actually been completely okay from an outside perspective. However, inside, your mind wouldn’t slow down. Why did the ‘Lukey’ from her lips seems so easy. You knew she’d done it on purpose to wind you up, she’d succeeded.

As you heard a loud bang from across the hall in Michael’s room you slowly got undressed and grabbed your favourite of Luke’s tees from the floor and slipped under the covers. You felt like crying for no reason, but when Luke simply shook his head at you jokingly and took off his shirt and got under the covers to spoon you, you couldn’t really complain. There was a sense of normality about this, even with your mind on overdrive this was okay. You snuggled tighter into Luke’s body knowing that tomorrow, after all the drama today, you’d probably be sleeping alone. Luke laughed under his breath and pulled you in with his arms, his biceps tensing as you led your head down onto them to fall asleep. You enjoyed the silence for a while, the calmness of the environment. You tried to block out the faint moans and pants coming from Michael’s room and shut your eyes tighter thinking it would go away. Just as sleep was about to overtake, the anxiety became too much and you whispered into Luke’s grip, 

“We’re going to have to talk about it.” 

“Not now.” He yawned “Just go to sleep”.  
\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
After the worse sleep you’d had in what seemed forever you awoke in Luke’s arms. He was still softly snoring behind you and you wished you could live in that moment for at least another few days. The way his breath would catch and your heart would jump made you feel settled. As your mind drifted back into fifth gear you couldn’t help but shudder at the memory of the noises from Michaels room last night, noises made jointly by a girl who had an association with your boyfriend. You slowly unravelled yourself from Luke’s strong arms, breathing in his scent as a poignant memory. You went straight to the mirror in the toilet scanning over yourself, your eyes were bloodshot, your skin pale. You felt horrendous, you knew today would be as well. You wiped under your eyes to rid yesterday’s mascara, and let down your hair that was in a top bun. 

“You’re a mess.” You half laughed at yourself. You were part talking about your appearance but in the back of your mind you knew your head was a mess too. You stripped off, and stepped into the shower. You were in there for what felt like hours, there’s something special about a shower, it’s where you could think about everything and clear your head. Yet this shower made you feel worse, you were just putting off everything until it hit you like a ton of bricks. After washing your hair you jumped out, dried yourself off and slipped Luke t-shirt back on. You smiled down at it; Luke made you so fucking happy you reminded yourself.

As you walked out of the bedroom there stood Georgie, wearing her same clothes from last night, her heels in her hand and sex hair, the walk of shame. Georgie eyed your t-shirt and smile and plastered on her own smile through an obvious hangover. You hadn’t thought she’d drunk that much, maybe karma was on your side for once. You were perfectly content to step around Georgie and try to wipe the sounds and image of her this morning out of your mind. Georgie however had other ideas. As you stepped one way she followed purposely blocking you. 

"Seriously, I just want a cup of coffee, do we have to do this." You murmured, brave in sleep haze.

Georgie shot you daggers, "They all think you’re a slag, you do know that right? They’re all wary of you." She spat, talking about the boys you spent every day of your life with. 

"Hypocrite." You scoffed back. 

Georgie grabbed the top of your arm dragging you forwards, you were stuck, Cal and Ash were probably out or asleep like Luke and Michael was probably in a vegetative state or chucking his guts up, either way you were pretty sure he hated you.

"What’ve I ever done to you?" You sighed, you were so fucking done with drama.

"You stole my man.”

You were stood stunned. Her man? Luke? Or was she talking about Michael? He wasn’t even your man. Her hand was still firmly gripped onto your shirt.

“Just leave.” You tried to be calm. “This is my house and I don’t want you here.”

She smiled bitchily in your direction. “The quicker I leave the quicker this goes on the internet.” She scoffed as you ripped her hand off of you.

“Who would believe anything you said?”

“Luke would believe any, little, thing I told him.” She whispered in your ear.

You just wanted her gone, now. 

"I’m pretty sure he’d prefer to listen to me any day. Also I could just go wake my boyfriend." You empathised, "And get him to chuck you the hell out."

She simply laughed. "Oh honey you are so naive". 

You scanned her up and down, she was a state, and you didn’t even know why the boys went near her less why they spoke to her.

"Honey!" You mocked back, "I’m sure your little internet friends wouldn’t believe you any fucking day and also you have fuck all to sell out. Apart from fucking a drunken Michael which is very classy and I’m sure he’d appreciate everyone knowing." Take that you almost felt like saying.

Georgie wasn’t having it. “Classy? You must be pretty classy yourself then. Don’t underestimate me."

She couldn’t know. No. 

“Just fuck off” you said, quieter than you were speaking before.

“Oh are you getting scared that your little secret will get out”.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” You gulped back, imagining if the fandom found out, you would be dead, well dead to them. Imagining if a girl like Charlotte lost all respect for you, you couldn’t do it. You loved the girls like they were your own friends. If you offended the boys, you offend the fans. 

“You have no proof of anything.” You said, trying to back up your point.

“Don’t I?” She laughed mockingly. 

You became more and more scared, the anxiety building as you just couldn’t find your words. "You don’t know anything about me". You gulped, you could feel your breathing quicken while your chest tightened.

Georgie just laughed snidely making no attempt to help you as she watched you verging on an anxiety attack. 

"Watch your back, I know where the door is." She shouted walking away from you slamming the door on her way out.

There were fans out there, you knew there were, what if she actually knew. What if she told them? What if she’d already tweeted? With every question you felt your breath coming too quickly. "Calm down" You tried to say, but it wasn’t helping. You were alone, resorting to counting in your head and trying to think of anything but the boys and Georgie which was proving a hard task. Breathe. You had no clue what else to do. You had to warn Luke, in that moment you didn’t care about Michael, you pushed your feelings for him right to the back. 

As you opened the door, Luke who was sat up in his bed looked up and smiled at you.

“Nice shower?” He asked looking back down at his phone. You guessed nothing had broken yet. 

“I’m scared Luke.” You hadn’t moved from the spot which you stood. “It’s going to come out.”

He tapped the mattress next to him. He seemed too calm for your liking, you were freaking out inside it was embarrassing. 

“She’s going to Luke.” You said again, trying to get it into his head how urgent this was.

“Georgie won’t do anything.” He took his eyes off of his phone. “I promi-”

“How do you know Luke?!” 

"I just do okay." 

"How?! I can’t just take that anymore, I’m too deep in this now for fucks sake." You said losing your calm. 

Luke simply sighed, and stood up and walked towards you stopping a couple of inches from your face.

"You know how many things we deal with like this a day?" Luke asked you simply shook your head feeling like a child. "A lot." He chuckled. "It’s fine, I know Georgie she’s something but she’s not untrustworthy". 

You still had doubts no matter what Luke said.

"She knows about Michael though..." 

"Babe, she probably doesn’t".

"Why won’t you believe me?!" You retorted.   
Luke looked you bang in the eyes, "Trust me". 

There was something in his eyes you’d never seen before, it scared you. This wasn’t honest, but what option did you have. You simply nodded.

"I do trust you." God help if he fucked this up.

“Good.” He said, smiling as he popped a kiss on your forehead. “And get dressed, you’ve been wearing that top for days.” He laughed, before leaving the room. 

He was too happy, you didn’t like it. You were stunned to the spot. You wanted to trust Luke yet there were things holding you back, how did he know so much about Georgie, what was their relationship, the snide remarks she kept making going over and over in your head. You brushed it away and took a deep sigh. You took out your phone, 8:23. 

“So early.” You huffed. 

You read through a couple texts and Twitter notifications before you threw your phone on the bed as you got bored. You chucked off Luke’s tee and grabbed some jeans and one of your own tops for a change; you walked over to the mirror where you started on your make-up. 

BUZZ, your phone vibrated, you ignored it and applied fresh mascara.

BUZZ, BUZZ. You looked to it in high anxiety. 

BUZZ. 

“Fuck.” You whispered. 

BUZZBUZZBUZZ. 

“Shit.” Your phone was going metal, it was happening.

You walked back over to your phone picking it up hastily. The vibrations in your hands ripped through you like gunshots. You could imagine it now, all respect you’d ever gained, lost. The messages you’d be getting that you couldn’t help feeling like you deserved, the nausea over took you. You slid over your background picture of you and Luke to get on to Twitter. With shaky hands you opened the app. 

100+ notifications. You were so fucked. 

You didn’t even look at your direct mentions; you went straight to Charlottes twitter. She was reliable and a close source, you could never imagine her hating you.

@5sosarentjustaband: @y/t/n please don’t tell me it’s true. You and Luke are forever. And Mike with Georgie, no :(


	6. Chapter 6

Even at that you felt sick. You had to explain to Charlotte, she was the good side of twitter, the “real” fans listened to her and that’s what you wanted. You couldn’t care less about the groupies. Or the exposed pages that were all bullshit anyway.

“@5sosarentjustaband: @y/t/n please be the same girl I know” 

Your eyes filled with tears, this was all happening in such a short space of time.

“I’m sorry this came out like this, it’s my personal life, I need privacy, I just need to know what has been said please, I beg of you”

You sent her a message through DM. All these different stories were popping up all over the place, 1D fans were tweeting about it, it was everywhere. “Direct message from @5sosarentjustaband” your heart rate went up x100. 

.@5sosarentjustaband: y/n, it’s everywhere, I know it was Georgie, but the others don’t your ship name was top tending on twitter all of this morning. Probably still is. Basically she’s said she’s with Michael now like exclusively, and that you and Luke have split because you cheated. Please tell me it’s wrong. You are like my only true friend who I can trust with stuff like this. 

4 DMS. 4 DMS which sent you to the toilet, nausea washing over you causing you to spill out every emotion you were feeling. As you slumped down from your kneeling position to a sprawl with your phone in your hand you wrote back.

"Charlotte, you know me, a load of that is bs, me and Luke are still together, idk about Mike and her though, although I’m very doubtful she’s telling the truth. I’ll talk to him"   
That thought made you want to be sick all over again. 

"I’m here for you if you’re here for me, thanks for everything I do need the privacy atm but I promise to speak soon when I have a clearer knowledge. Love you xxxxx" 

You had a hole to dig out of; the boys had a hole to dig out of. All what was on your mind was how your conversation with the boys was going to go. God help. All you could think about was if they knew about you and Michael, if Georgie knew would she just reveal it later on. Stop being selfish, you thought. 

“Y/N GET ON TWITTER” Ashton called from his room. 

“I've seen it!” you shouted back.

“BAND MEETING” he screamed.

There was a mixture of huhs and what’s from around the house until everyone had gathered in the lounge. You sat silently next to Luke. The words “I told you so” were on the tip of your tongue. He gripped on to your leg to pull your attention to him. “I’m sorry” he mouthed, you just looked away and moved his hand off your leg, you really weren't in the mood.

“So basically, we need to clear shit up, all of us”, he said, directing it at a very hung-over Michael, who you hadn't taken any notice of until now.

"Are we even going to get coherent words out of that" you said gesturing towards Michael, deciding to give him the ‘I couldn't care less’ attitude towards him as well.

Michael looked up slowly making intense eye contact with you, "I’m hung-over not dead."

You scoffed. "Can you even remember sleeping with that slut, and causing this".

The tension in the room could have been cut with a knife; a chorus of "y/n" came from Ash Cal and Luke. 

"Not really helping babe." Luke cleared. 

"Well you trusting her, and you fucking that up isn't really helping either, “babe”." You sarcastically said back to your very tense boyfriend. 

Ash broke the tension “Band meeting, not argument thanks dudes." You, Michael and Luke blushed. 

"I do remember sleeping with her; well I don’t know if we fucked but stuff happened for sure, we’re not together though. No way." Michael chirped in quickly.

"Well you’re so much help!" You replied causing him to flip you off.

Cal broke the intended argument "Y/n the Luke and you stuff is pretty big though, the cheating claims, no names have been mentioned but if Georgie knows."

"SHE DOESNT" Luke interrupted too quickly and loudly. 

He’s guilty of something, your brain told you. Your heart told you that you had to trust him. You were torn. 

"Whatever Luke, but I have never “cheated”." Your mouth said. “She just knows whatever he told her”

“I have a name” Michael said under his breath.

“Not one your worthy of” 

“IF I HEAR ONE MORE SNIDE COMMENT I WILL SMACK SOMEONE” Ash shouted, half joking.

“Luke mate, it’s about time you came out about y/n” 

You laughed to yourself. They were talking about you like you were a dirty little secret.

“I know it’s just-” 

“Just fucking tweet it” Michael cut in.

He was frustrated, Luke wouldn’t tell anyone you were dating but you were sure if you were dating Michael he’d have no problem with shouting it from the roof tops.  
“And while you’re at it tell people y/n didn’t cheat”. Everyone looked at him but he didn’t move, not a twitch. 

“Just do it”

“Come on dude”

“Hurry up”

All the boys shouted at Luke but your voice seemed to rise above the rest. “Why are you so ashamed of me?”

You had near tears brimming your eyes, to basically have been told you weren’t worth it for months had grated you down, especially when the person doing it was who should be lifting you up. To be told as a woman that you are not good enough is one of the hardest most painful hits. Imperfections are mostly unchangeable, so whatever Luke was about to say made you extremely uncomfortable. 

"I don’t know if I can..." Luke barely whispered.

You heard a dry sob escape your lips before you even realised you had made that sound. 

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" It was Michaels rugged, burnt out voice. "Everyone basically knows anyway, are you not proud to be with y/n? Because I know I fucking would be." 

This was too much for your bottled emotions, you thought while Michael confirmed your assumptions.

"You have to tweet it. That’s it. Why would you not want people to know?" Michael finished red in the face.

Ashton joined in "Mate, just do it for all of our sakes."

"I have something to tell you..." Luke mumbled, you didn’t want to hear this make or break statement. You stared at him blankly. Half of you didn’t want to know, you just wanted everything to be normal again. You wanted to be taken back to the night where you and Luke had argued but you were sat with him on the floor as he cried into your shoulder. You wanted to have the secret for once, to be in control. Your head was a mess and you were just waiting for this to mess it up even more. 

“Go on” you cried, not even holding the tears back anymore, the tears welled in your eyes and crashed onto your cheeks, you were biting tight onto your lips.  
“Fucking tell me”.


	7. Chapter 7

Luke took a breath and looked from you to Michael.

"The night you told me you fucked Michael" This was going to be bad, he had explaining to do. "Iwentandfuckedupandsleptwithgeorgieagain."

You knew something had happened between them, but her and again? You were fucking fuming. 

"WHAT THE FUCK LUKE! I THOUGHT THIS WAS IT WE LOVE EACHOTHER"

Luke blinked once, twice. "I love you. “ He said. 

You felt the world caving in on you, air had suddenly become abundant. They tears stung with the rapidness of their falling, your lungs were drowning. You felt your heart split, leaving splinters throughout.

"Let me explain, please."

Before you could even comprehend what to reply, Michael stood up and walked over to Luke in what seemed slow motion. One punch to Luke’s nose, then another to his chest. You screamed. With every hit Luke’s body flung backwards. 

“MICHAEL STOP” You hated Luke so much in that moment, everything was so fucked but you had to protect him. “MICHAEL PLEASE!”

Calum and Ash were screaming in the background pulling at Michael trying to rip his grip off of Luke but you really didn’t take any notice, you just wanted this all to stop.   
“He doesn’t fucking deserve you” he said through gritted teeth, grabbing Lukes flimsy body by the collar of his plaid shirt and hitting him in the mouth.

“Stop Michael” you could tell your pleads weren’t working, “For me” he paused for a moment with a deadweight body in his hands and slowly let him go to fall back onto the sofa. You pushed past Michael to your bruised boyfriend, the scent of blood radiated off of him. 

“Luke” you cried. "Luke listen to me, please, say something. Cal, Ash help me." you begged panicking. "Oh my god what is happening?" You sobbed.

Ash dragged Michael out of the room; you knew he was the only one who would refrain from killing him. "Please, Cal."

Calum kneeled in front of Luke "Mate" he tired. 

You could see Luke trying to open his already swelling eyes, he wasn’t dead. You could’ve cried with happiness if you weren’t already. You put all thoughts about Michael to the back of your mind; you didn’t even know if you could be with Luke after this, you had been betrayed. You didn’t care about that, you cared about Luke’s health at the moment. Cal had already started helping Luke sit up cleaning him up the best he could. Calling an ambulance was not an option you all knew how much attention that would bring to the boys, the bruises would as well but you’d deal with that later. 

Ash came back a few seconds later, "He’s fucked off" he replied before you asked, memories chilling you of the last time Michaels had left you. You kept stroking Lukes hand looking straight into his eyes tying to forget the mess his face was in. 

"I- re- really m sorry. Love you". Luke spluttered even with blood thickening his gums. You just stroked his hand again, putting your head down. 

“I love you too Luke” you said, through tears.

“I’m s-oo-rry, you have to b-believe me” you just nodded at him frantically, grinning through the pain.

“Just shh” you squeezed his hand tighter. He nodded back. His black eye was already showing and his crooked nose was hard to miss. You couldn’t believe this had happened; you single-handedly may have split up 5sos.

“I’ve got to go” you whispered to Calum, Luke wouldn’t have noticed he was already in a semi coma. Calum just smiled. Understanding. As soon as the lounge door shut behind you, you slid down the back of it letting out a tsunami of tears. You pulled out your phone, some tears hitting the screen making it hard to see. You went straight to the only friend you could trust with this. Charlotte. @y/t/n: @5sosarentjustaband would it be possible to meet you somewhere really private. I can’t post this on here .

You had to get out of this damned house, you needed room to get everything off your chest and think. Your phone buzzed automatically. 

@5sosarentjustaband: @y/t/n defo you can come to mine if you want here's the address. Hope your okay xo 

You knew that address quite well; you knew the whole area well. You were so surrounded by this life it was driving you insane. You grabbed your house and car keys from the side, you hardly ever drove, you hardly left the house when the boys were on break. You slowly drove to Charlottes getting used to the feeling of being back behind the wheel, when you reached the address you parked your car and almost ran over to Charlottes. You knocked quickly, the area was quiet but people could recognise you. Charlotte swung the door open, you fell into her arms.

"You look awful, y/n". You laughed a bit, it felt good.

"Come on I have Ben and Jerry's.”

You sat for a while on her bed. You hadn’t said much. Only a few yes no and thank yous. Charlotte was 18, your age, so it wasn’t as awkward. And she was living with three other students from Uni, which for your sake hoped they weren’t fans.

“Do you want to explain? I promise, I won’t say anything, I’m not like Georgie” You winced at the name “I’m sorry”, she whispered.

“No no, its fine” 

You stared at the 5sos posters around her room. You thought about how weird it was to have to your best friends and boyfriends pictures plastered on the wall.

“It must be weird having your boyfriend on my walls, sorry” she apologised again. You smiled, you were the same age but she acted shy around you like she was 6. 

“I guess I should tell you why I’m such a state” you said, leaning your back up against her head board for her bed.

“It would help”.

"Most things you've recently read are slightly true, Luke and I have been arguing so much lately." Charlotte frowned, that wasn't half of it.

"Most of it was just stupid, but the whole Sara Ellen thing kept coming up"

"He cheated on you?" You nodded. She frowned; you carried on not giving her a chance to say anything. 

"And then I slept with Michael, Luke and I were on a break, we were both drunk, he has feelings for me. Or he did I don't know."

"Y/n" Charlotte said quietly, mouth open.

"I know, just let me finish okay. Luke was mad, very mad. We forgave each other. Then I got all confused about my feelings, but like I have no choice really because I can't let people like you down or give the boys a bad name. And then Michael started hating me, because he was mad I slept with him as I knew he had feelings for me, and he called me a slut .I slapped him. He went missing, got drunk as fuck, brought Georgie home and had her in his room. He doesn't know if they had sex. Me and Michael have stuff to talk about because a part of me has feelings for him, but then the Georgie stuff leaked, I freaked, All the boys wanted Luke to tell everyone about us publicly because like why wouldn’t he, right? Then he told me fucking why! He slept with Georgie the night he found out about me and Mike. He cheated on me again." You had trouble stopping the pain all too familiar.

Charlotte however looked stunned, angry, a mix of emotions, you didn't know if she would be able to start. She sat with her mouth open, swallowing hard and licking her lips to get rid of the dryness. 

“I’m sorry, I don’t want you to think badly of the boys, I just have no one else” you said, before she had a moment to speak.

“I just I- it’s a lot- you must be- you must be so messed up right now” she was on point, messed up was what you were.

You didn’t know if you wanted to be with Luke anymore, and you didn’t know if Michael even wanted to talk to you anymore. Your phone vibrated in your pocket, 'one message: Michael' it read. At least he was checking that you were ok. 

“I need to see you” you read out loud to Charlotte “Fuck” you added, pushing your hair out of your eyes and scrunching up your face.

“Y/n it’s going to be ok, we can sort this” 

“I don’t think you can Char".

"You can do it. It'll stay quiet for now I promise, damage control and all that. I’d be more concerned about you. You need to do what makes you happy."

You sighed. "I'm not sure of anything. I don't know what to do, who to be with, that makes me sound so selfish to be saying that” , you looked straight at Charlotte.   
"I'm sorry." It was the most honest thing you could say. 

Charlotte smiled her usual smile, "It's okay, even if nothing works out, stay friends with the boys okay? They do really appreciate you, I can see it." You stood up and hugged Charlotte.

"Thank you so much you will never know how much I appreciate you. I need to see Michael; I'll keep you up to date." Charlotte hugged you back, returning the thanks, you checked your phone. 

One new message: Michael: ’The basement.’


	8. Chapter 8

You knew what he meant; it was where you had first properly met Michael when Luke introduced you to the boys. It was special, and it felt so wrong but so right. If anything happened would it be cheating? You were questioning everything. Would anything even happen, you didn’t know if you could deny Michael. Would he even want you? Were you as bad as Luke? As you left Charlottes house, your head was a bit clearer. You sat in your car outside her house listening to the radio, going over the things you needed to get done.

1.Talk things out with Michael 2. Clear things up on twitter 3. Sort things out with Luke (without shouting) 4. Beat up Georgie. Ok, maybe you should scrap the last one, you laughed to yourself.

The roads were busy due to lunch time traffic, you liked that the roads weren’t silent; it meant you didn’t have time to cry. You pulled up outside the house, a couple of fans here and there. Do they not have anything better to do, you thought bitterly. There was no sign of Georgie which made you a little chirpier. You walked round the side of the house, dodging the windows; your heart was beating ten to the dozen. You felt like you were cheating on your bruised and bloody boyfriend with the boy that made him that way. You pulled up the basement door staring into darkness. 

“Mike?”You asked.

“Yeah, sorry, here” he called, in a quiet tone. 

He was sat on a stall, surrounded by a guitar and set of drums. You stood in the doorway for a very long time; you didn’t know whether to step forward.

“I don’t bite” he laughed. “Well... Unless you’re into that”.

You giggled, tension easing away. "You shouldn’t have done that to Luke you know, he’s in a bad way." You went straight in the deep end.

Michael looked down regretfully. "He shouldn’t have done what he did to you".

You couldn’t help but feel guilty; Michael really did care about you.

"I know Mike, we all know, but you don’t need to protect me."

Michael looked up and took a step towards you, he pushed a hand through his hair "What if I want to.” This wasn’t just about your protection anymore, this was about you two.

You closed the distance between you and him, you weren’t touching but you were close enough.

"I’m still with Luke you know." You tried.

"I know but neither of us knows why." You blushed and looked down to Michael’s feet; as soon as you did he lifted your chin up with his fingers. "Don’t look down beautiful."

"Mike, we really can’t. We’re both confused about our feelings." You were just being honest.

Michael tensed. You carried on snidely; you knew how to push his buttons slightly. "What about Georgie?"

"She was nothing to me, I had fucked her a couple times when I was on my groupie streak, she is nothing but a drunken booty call. That time a couple nights ago meant nothing"

"But-"

"I was trying to get at you" he carried on, in a way it made you feel special, oddly, that he went out of his way to make you want him. "I just wanted you to like me."

"I do." It just slipped out, the words tumbled from your lips and as soon as they dropped you could feel yourself trying to pick them back up. Michael stared at you stunned. "I do Michael I just, I don’t, I don’t understand anything in my head" you were babbling now filling in the silences. "The time we you know, it felt different, like someone cared for what I wanted for once, you touched me like I was the only person in the world like I was yours. I just want to feel that again, I’ve been craving to be wanted, to be shown off, instead of hiding away pretending to just be ‘mates of the band’. I do need to sort things with Luke though, Mike seriously I really do like you but we can’t backtrack morals. Just know I felt the same that night, it wasn’t a mistake. Also I may have pictured killing Georgie over 100 times." Michael laughed.

"So, what happens if you sort things out with Luke? What about me?"

"I don’t know, I’ll deal with that when I’ve seen Luke. But you two need to sort things out no matter what. Leave me out of it, band becomes before me. “

“Not much else does though" Michael smiled."

“I need to go upstairs, Luke is in a bad way, but this is urgent. I’m still so confused" There was no point covering up your thoughts now.

"Sure, good luck. No matter what, I still think you’re one of the best people I know" Michael admitted. You covered your giggle with your hand.

"Can I kiss you? Before you go, just in case it’s the last time I’m able to." Michael asked.

"On the cheek?" you asked, you wanted to kiss him but you had to do the right thing, not to make matters more twisted.

"If that’s all you want" it’s not, you thought to yourself.

Michael got off of his seat and pulled you into a hug, you threw your arms around him and breathed in his scent, you preferred Lukes. Everything he did, you compared to Luke. He slowly moved his head in line with yours and twisted it so his lips hit your cheek. You couldn’t let that be the last time he kissed you, you had to have something more, maybe it would give you the reassurance you needed, maybe something would spark or you would feel nothing.

In one swift movement you turned your head so your lips were now laying on his. He lifted his hand up to your chin as if he was expecting it. You held you breath. It wasn’t just a peck. Your lips were moving together in a synchronised matter, like you had been practising for years. Michael’s hands moved down to your thighs and lifted you up so your legs were wrapped around his waist.

"Fuck Michael" you whispered between kisses. Michael simply shushed you with an added intensity in the kiss.

This was good; it seemed so practiced even through you knew it wasn’t. Your brain was swamped with lust, it may not have been right but it definitely felt right. Things were slowly becoming more heated, if your brain didn’t shut down you wouldn’t be able to keep up, that would be a horrific tragedy. Michael walked you over to the nearest flat surface which was ironically Ashton’s box drum, as he placed you down and moved forwards into your space, both of your hands started wandering. You both knew where this would end.  
You rolled over on to your side on the old looking sofa where you had ended up, Michael to your other side, panting and out of the breath. 20 minutes earlier you were telling him how you had to speak to Luke, now you were led, wearing only your pants that you had just grabbed off of the floor. You listened to Michael gasping for air for a while, it made you smile, you turned to face him and he smirked, his eyes lighting up. There was a comfortable silence between you for a while.

"Shit" Michael mumbled.

"What!" you asked, anxiously.

"I’ve lost my eyebrow piercing" You couldn't help but let out a slight laugh, you were enjoying this, you were enjoying Michaels presence like you had never enjoyed Lukes before.  
"What a shame. That’s all your appeal down the drain".

Michael faked a frown. "Well you just demonstrated your appeal to me" he winked, he actually fucking winked at you.

You faked disappointment with a jaw drop "You bastard!" You joked.

"You love me really"

"Nope" you said as you ran your hand through his already messed up hair.

You were so relaxed you didn’t even want to move from Michael’s embrace. Everything was in an eerie peace, you felt content. You knew it wouldn’t last for long, but right there on a tatty sofa, led in satisfaction, you were ready for anything. You heard voices sound from upstairs, directly above you was the kitchen causing you to shift.

“I’m going to have to go” you said, remembering things weren’t as perky as you thought.

You went to pull away from Michael’s body but he gripped you in tighter and rolled you on top of him.

“Michael” you laughed.

He pushed back part of your fringe behind your ear. “We can’t stay here forever” you protested.

“We can try”, he was so fucking romantic, and he made you feel special. But you weren’t sure if it was the way he made you feel that made you happy or if it was a rebound emotion because you were mad at Luke, you were so torn. You pouted at him.

“Ok fine go” he laughed and pushed off of the sofa.

You grabbed your many items of clothing that led about the room and left through the basement door. “We are not to speak of this Michael” you said, as you turned back to him.  
He led topless, only wearing a blanket wrapped around his waist. “Not a word”.

You meekly made your way upstairs, dipping into the main house. You walked into the kitchen to see Ash. "Where’ve you been? He’s been asking for you."

Oh just fucking Michael again is what you didn’t say.

"With Charlotte, needed to think." Is what you did say.

Ash nodded in understanding, scanning your face for any sign of what you were going to do, he’d have no luck. You hadn’t a clue yourself.

"You’ve got lipstick" he motioned around his mouth to you.

Oh god please let him not think about how that got there. You rubbed it off then smiled in gratitude.

"Whatever happens y/n, were still mates okay? What Luke did was wrong but he does love you."

"How can he?" You said honestly.

"Ask him yourself." Calum said coming into the kitchen. "He’s in your twos room". You smiled at him and left the kitchen to take the long walk up to your bedroom.

“You know where she’s really been right?” Calum told Ashton, you could hear it through the paper thin walls.

"Obviously, I'm not an idiot."


	9. Chapter 9

You patted your cheeks to cool them off over the embarrassment, on the way up the stairs. When you had the sudden realisation, had you cheated on Luke? You were just as bad as him; this was as fucked as before. You pushed open the door to the sound of a soft snore. You didn’t actually know what you were going to say because right now you didn’t know how you felt. Luke was fast asleep without a blanket, or cover, just on top of the duvet. You smiled at him, ignoring his black eye, the cut on his lip and nose. As soon as you saw his sleeping body a whole load of feelings rushed over you. A tear was brought to your eye, he looked so helpless, you couldn’t deal with this right now, you just had to leave. 

“Y/n?” Lukes ‘just woken up’ voice rang in your ears.

"I’m here" you whispered. No backing out this time. "Had to get some space". 

Luke nodded as you sat on the other side of the duvet away from him; he turned his body towards you. Luke eyed you up and down, you didn’t know if it was complimentary or accusingly. Either way your conscience was on full alert.

"Luke, I don’t know if I can do this anymore." Lukes face fell as soon as you rushed out your sentence. You felt as guilty as you’d ever been.

"Us?" Luke managed. 

"We aren’t trying anymore Luke; I’m so tired of fighting."

"Is this about Georgie" Luke cut straight to the point.

"No, maybe, yes. Obviously but not just that.” You watched your beaten boyfriend blink back tears, too proud to sob at a break up, if that’s what this was. "Luke.."

You could see the future, Luke had was going to find out about you and Michael, and he’d be heartbroken. He’d move on though, so would you. But even the thought of having to meet a new girl of Lukes or even seeing him with someone else made you jealous as anything. 

“You are so fucking selfish.” You thought to yourself. 

“Can you say something?” you pleaded with him. His silence was killing you and ripping your heart in two. You’d rather him call you every swear word in the world than be silent because you knew it meant he was genuinely upset.

“I don’t know what you want me to say, you don’t even know what you’re saying” You nodded, he always understood. “I know you have feelings for Michael” He was crushing your heart with each word. 

“I always have.” You took a deep sigh, how shit must he feel, he knew you had a thing for his best friend. “That’s why I think maybe we should go on a break. I need time to think” you said, in the quietest tone you could. You didn’t even want to hear the words in your ears. “I need to sort my own shit out before I mess up yours”.

Luke nodded. It was simple, you were now basically single. The last thing on your mind was to run Michael, you needed to be completely alone for the first time in months. You were even considering leaning the house for a couple of days, to get a break. 

"I’m sorry, for everything." Luke sighed.

"So am I, I’m sorry for doing this, and I’m sorry for what’s happened to you." 

"You don’t have to be"

“I do" you said. 

God this stung, it had to be done, but you felt horrible. You both could’ve been something amazing, it was a shame life got in the way. You reached over giving Luke your best attempt at a hug, he hugged back, the fact you didn’t kiss felt surreal. That’s how things were going to have to be like from now on.

"You were one of the best things that ever happened to me" Luke whispered into your hair, silently confessing. 

"You too" you replied. Before standing up and walking out of Luke’s room, leaving him with well wishes.

As you closed the door behind you, you felt awfully metaphorical. You’d just shut, for the time being, one door in your life, this was a whole new chapter. You felt better now, well better than before. You just wanted to chill for a while without complications, just to sit on the sofa and watch TV. Keep your mind off of things. 

As you got to the hallway you heard Ash Calum and Michaels voices around the kitchen table. You looked at your phone and realised it was dinner time already, yet you really weren’t hungry. The sky outside was darkening and you really just wanted to snuggle up on the sofa with someone, but you had no one. You watched generic TV shows for a while, flicking through channels like your life depended on it. 

A reflection in the mirror caught your attention and you saw Lukes long legs striding down the stairs, without a word he left the house. You had no idea what came over you but you got off of the sofa, leaving the telly on, throwing on a jacket and followed Luke out of the house and down the road.

You managed to stay behind Luke, far enough that he wouldn’t be able to recognise you. You had no idea where he was going, especially looking the way he did. The nighttime’s air was chilly and all you really wanted was your boyfriend’s jumper to keep you cosy, but you didn’t even have a boyfriend anymore. 

You distracted yourself with your phone whilst trying to stay on Lukes tracks, you’d expected a text from Michael however you’d received nothing but a few twitter messages. One from Charlotte asking how you were, you’d reply when you knew.

Suddenly you’d realised Luke was heading down a side street; you stopped at the top of the road in fear of making your presence known. It was 11pm; you were stalking your ex-boyfriend. Your life had really declined in the past few hours. You were torn between following him or going back, the decision had to be made quickly.

Going back would mean explaining where you were and would unsettle your mind at the thought of Luke’s location. The side street was too dark and quiet for you to follow closely behind because he would soon catch on. You waited until he got to the end and turned a corner to where you carried along the same path, walking in his footsteps. The realisation that he wasn’t your boyfriend was gaining on you slowly, but quicker than you wanted it to, you thought you had everything sorted in your head but this little night time exploration told you otherwise.

As you got to the end of the side street, a row of houses lined up before you with many different paths and lanes. You looked around but there was no sign of Luke. 

“Fuck” you mumbled, for the hundredth time of the day. You turned around to walk home but realised you had no idea where you were or the route you took as the whole time you were too focused on your ex boyfriend. Great. You thought. 

For a moment you thought about ringing Luke but that soon became apparent to be a stupid idea. Calum, just ring Calum and tell him you’re lost. Your brain was screaming. Find a road name and wait for him to pick you up. Easy enough, he doesn’t have a clue that Luke was here two minutes before you. But you had no time to carry out your plan because as you reached for your phone, a hand tapped your shoulder. 

"Hello darling” You had never been more relieved to see Ashton in your life. 

You threw yourself into his arms, "What are you doing here, not that I’m complaining" you exclaimed. 

"On Luke damage control, so looks like the same as you." You shook your head in denial, but as he’d said earlier he wasn’t an idiot. 

"Because of the bruises? He can’t be seen" you half asked half answered.

"Pretty much, also don’t want him going crazy, he’s quite fragile." You felt the all familiar guilt roll through you, Ashton was having to follow Luke because of you, this wasn’t a light matter.

You were sure you’d made the right decision, so sure. The break was needed, but all this permanence and damage was wearing you down. And you hadn’t even spoken to Michael properly.

"Can I stay with you, Ash? I kind of have no idea where I am and I really don’t want you to leave Luke." You asked, it was partly truth.

Ash nodded with a slight sense of relief that he had now someone to walk with "Do you have any idea where he’s off to?" You shook your head. "Neither" Ash carried on.

He took you down a path that was in-between two fields that he thought he saw Luke wander down. As you got half way down the lane Lukes tall slim figure became apparent and turned left down a main road. As soon as Lukes figure had disappeared you could talk again, Ash’s questioning began.

"So what’s happening?" Bit of an open question, you thought. 

"Luke and I are on a break" you said, you thought you might as well get it out of the way.

“Oh" is all Ash said, he dug his hands deeper into his pockets. "So are you and Michael like a-" 

"I don’t know" You cut him off as you reached the end on the path.

Luke was sat half way down the main road on a bench by a bus stop. 

"Where do you think he’s going to go?" Ash whispered.

"Or who is he going to meet" you corrected. 

Ashton stared at you in revelation. Almost as if the world was working against you, Luke stood up greeting a small black hooded figure. You knew from their hugging stance it must have been a girl, he didn’t have to bend down that far for boys. You didn’t want to know who she was even though you could take a good few guesses.

"I’m not so sure about sticking around." You told Ashton, feeling quite sick. 

"I can ring Cal if you wanted, or I’m sure Michael would be more than happy to come and get you".

You sighed, "Ring Cal please, ask him not to tell Mike."

You knew moving on would happen, but could Luke seriously have moved on this quickly. Had he been seeing this girl and you at the same time? His “I Love You” became less believable. You sat on a wall by the fields you had passed on the way and waited by a side of a road away from Luke and Ash. Where you were now became more obvious as the street lights had turned on, you were closer to Charlottes house than you thought and first considered going to hers for a while but you realised it was 1am and not a good idea to be knocking on her door unexpectedly.

Calum pulled up, wearing only his joggers. You jumped in the front without a sound and Calum pulled out into the road. 

"Thanks" you murmured. 

"It’s what friends do" he smiled to himself keeping his eyes on the road. 

There was a silence for a while but Calum filled it by singing along to the radio, you knew he was doing it to cheer you up because usually he protested about singing in front of you. 

"Where are you sleeping tonight?" he asked, casually. Ash had obviously told him about you and Luke and the thought of sleeping away from Luke made your heart skip.

"Shit, I hadn’t thought of that" you said, watching the world pass outside the window.

"Stay with me, I’m good at cuddles".

You laughed "shut up"

"Seriously, where else are you going to go? Michael promised to stay away from the house for a while until things-"

"He what?"

Calum’s face dropped as if he just let a secret slip. "He didn’t tell you?"

"He hasn’t even spoken to me since we-" You stopped yourself from going any further.

"Since you..." Calum tried, with a smug look on his face.

"Since we sorted a few things." Calum nodded, you were sure he wasn’t having any of it. 

"What do you think Lukes doing?" You tried changing the subject.

"Can never tell with him, Ash said he hugged someone right? Did you know who?"

"Nope, couldn’t see. I don’t want to know, I have no right to know all about him anymore." Calum just nodded again.

You appreciated Calum’s friendship so much, he always knew what to say when, and he always knew when silence was appropriate. Like it was now, it was comfortable. As Calum pulled the car in, the thought of sleeping alone crept up on you. 

"I think I’ll take that sleeping offer up." You joked to Calum hoping he wouldn’t sense your fear of being alone. 

"Sure, I am the best cuddler in this house." He joked with you causing you to smile; at least something good was coming out of today.

Calum opened the car door and helped you out. He over-exaggerated a yawn while turning the key in the front door. "Sorry" you whispered, it was late and you thought the right thing to do was be quiet.

"Sorry for what?" he asked, holding the front door open for you, you walked in under his arm. 

"Making you pick me up so late, I’m pathetic" you laughed, half joking. 

"You are pathetic yes" Calum said with a straight face. "But its fine like I said it’s what friends do." Calums smile crept through; you liked the way his eyes crinkled as he tried to stop himself from laughing. 

"And I couldn’t ask for a better one" you tilted your head as you grinned embarrassingly, he pulled you into a hug, your head was snug on his chest.

"Now go get into bed, I’ll be up in a minute" you let go of the hug and hurried up stairs. It was weird to walk past Luke’s bedroom without stopping, next you passed Michael’s, and it made you unhappy that he wouldn’t be returning soon.

You slipped into Cal’s room, Calum had the smallest room of the house but it was definitely not too small. You stood for a while not really knowing what to do, you hadn’t slept in someone else’s bed but Lukes for at least 5 months. You took off your clothes and stood in your underwear just looking at his bed. Suddenly the door swung open, you jumped onto the bed and grabbed the duvet to pull it over you. 

"CALUM OUT!!"

“Sorry dude, unlike the others I’m not actually interested in seeing you in your underwear." You laughed out loud.

"Cal can I borrow a top?"

"Sure".

You felt bad; it reminded you of your permanent possession of Luke’s tee-shirts. However you were sure anyone would rather you slept in another guy’s shirt then in the bed practically naked with them. As you shrugged the shirt on you relished in its looseness. You were purely friends with Cal however you loved his clothes; you loved all of their wardrobes if you were being honest.

"Come in then" you shouted out, Cal came in with his hands jokingly across his eyes. 

"Is it safe to look?"

"Obviously" you joked back. 

Calum looked at you and laughed, "Bit big".

It felt nice to joke around, not have to worry about possession or sexual tension, this was merely friendship. You jumped into Calum’s bed and pulled the quilt over you as Calum joined you. You made Calum very aware of the fact you were tired by exaggerating a yawn, Calum sighed peacefully then turned to spoon you. It was so platonic; you could’ve stayed in the moment for ever, no complications.

"Night Cal thanks again. I always seem to end up with you after a crappy day." 

"No worries, I’m always here" Calum let you know. It was the last thing you heard aside from Cal’s heavy breathing, as sleep pulled you under.

The knife just kept plunging into Lukes chest, with every hit blood splurged onto the attacker’s shirt. Luke’s voice squealed in pain. 

"Stop!" you screamed straining your voice.

"Please just stop!" but he didn't listen, with every plunge the knife dove deeper. 

"JUST STOP" you tried to run but your body was stuck to the ground, your feet were unable to move. You realised the attacker also couldn't hear you "JUST FUCKING STOP THAT'S MY BOYFRIEND" you were screaming as loud as you possibly could.


	10. Chapter 10

With a final stab Luke disappeared into the darkness, followed by the attacker.

"Y/n! Y/n! It’s okay." You had never been happier to hear Cal's voice.

You were out of breath and panting as if it was all real. 

"It was just a nightmare y/n" he said, reassuring you.

"But he was dying Calum you don’t understand"

"I do, I do, it’s fine, it’s all over now" he was rubbing your back, trying you relieve you of your panic.

"No you don’t, he was dying and," the last words came out as if a cry "I couldn't save him.”

As you struggled to catch your breath, Calum just continued in his Calming hush. You had no idea what time it was, all you knew is that you just Called Luke your boyfriend in the most horrendous nightmare you'd ever experienced. If dreams spoke thoughts you'd be entirely screwed. 

"Who couldn't you save y/n?"

"No one"

"Y/n..."

You sighed relaxing your body into Calum, you were still so unsure of everything. You had no idea if you'd ever be sure, you couldn't get away from the boys, they were literally  
everywhere you went. 

"Luke..." You whispered, "I couldn't save him". You didn't even notice the lump in your throat before you choked on you last few words. 

Calum just have a knowing sigh, "You feel alright now?” You were glad he didn’t expand on the Luke part.

"Not really". You drew the quilt back up before settling next to Calum again, you'd didn't even care if it was 5am or 2pm, sleep seemed like a good option. You just prayed your dreams would stay clear.

You could tell it was morning when you were suddenly awoken by the smell of burning toast making its way through the house. There was a cold breeze which whirled round the room and rested on your back, you pulled the covers up to the shoulders and rolled over to go back to sleep but a toughened body hit your front. You were startled by the half naked body but the memories of last night came flooding back as remembered you were in Cal’s room, in his bed, led next to him and it made you feel safe. Cal’s eyes were still shut but he spoke which made you jump.

"Morning y/n" he chuckled. His morning voice was deep and husky, different from Lukes, whose voice always sounded quiet as if a whisper. 

"Hey Cal" you smiled back, you didn’t know why you were smiling because he couldn’t see it, Cal’s eyes were still tightly closed.

"You want to go downstairs and grab some breakfast?" he asked, half way through a yawn. 

"Id rather stay here for a while" 

"You’re going have to face the world soon" he laughed getting off the bed; he started searching around the room. "Y/n have you seen my Green Day top the one with the-" you cut him off by pulling down the duvet to uncover his way too big for you band tee. "There it is" he laughed. "Get it off".

"Would you rather I slept half naked with you?" You joked through your laughter.

"Uhm ew no" Calum joked back. You were both nearly in stitches; it felt so good to laugh.

"Can you smell that" you said referencing the burning smell. 

"I think the whole road can." Cal replied, setting you two into fits of laughter again. 

"I better get some clothes, I'll meet you downstairs." You managed calming yourself.

"My-" 

"I'll bring it back in here; do not fret for your t-shirt." Cal jokingly winked at you as you started walking towards yours and Luke’s room.

All of your things were in their place in that room. You couldn't even imagine moving everything, you could've hit yourself. 'I shouldn't be allowed to make rAsh decisions that will influence my life' you thought.

After you'd pulled on some comfy jeans, and an oversized jumper of your own you applied a thin layer of makeup and tied your hair into a top bun. Your exterior just conflicted your inside emotions, you were not so well presented. Checking the mirror for one last time, you decided you had to go downstairs at some point, now seemed better than ever, plus there was toast.

As you sauntered downstairs you could hear two definitive voices from the kitchen area. Ash must've come home at some point then, you weren't so sure about Luke.  
"Morning" Ash announced, with a mouth full of toast, Calum sat to the side of him, they were the two voices. No Luke or Michael who you had been hoping for.

You smiled, genuinely his way. "Morning Irwin, where’s the toast?" he pointed over to the counter by the oven. You thanked him and grabbed 4 pieces. You were hungry ok. You dropped the plate on the kitchen table and slumped yourself down. Both Calum and Ash were on their phones.

"Oh sociable" you laughed, Calum chuckled behind his phone but Ash's face was stone cold.

"Just looking at everyone still talking about you an-"

"Ash!" Calum interrupted, Ash was never one to hold his tongue.

"Its fine, I do need to sort that", you admitted.

"A fan saw Luke looking all bruised as well so now there’s more rumo-" 

"Ashton!" Calum shook his head "Leave it?" 

"Its fine Cal" you interrupted. "I'll get online later and sort the Luke and I stuff, although how I announce a break in a relationship which never was confirmed I will never know." You sighed, things were complicated. You didn't want to mention the bruises, that weren’t really yours to explain. You were sure management could sort something on that side of things. You still had to talk to them, Modest! wouldn't be happy with the drama you'd been 'causing', to be honest they were last on your priority list. 

"When'd you get in Ash?" You tried, hinting for information on Luke.

"About 3?" Ash replied not so sure himself.

"There are loads of fans out front by the way" Calum let you know. 

"They always seem to know something's happening" Ash added.

"Just like the two of you then!" You half joked. 

You were sure both boys knew things you didn't and probably wouldn't ever know , you just had to accept it.

"They’re asking for Luke but I don’t know where he is" Ash let on, you and Cal both looked up.

"You mean you let him out of your sight" Calum burst out. 

"No, he just went somewhere I couldn’t follow" 

"Ash you were on watch"

"I’m sorry!" 

"Where is he now" 

"He’s at-" Ash stopped; the silence grew as they both looked at you in unison. 

Ash looked at you, then to Calum. Cal was about to ask for more answers but realised the situation. As soon as you heard Luke wasn’t back you knew what had happened. You felt a great weight fall on your heart. 

"Did he get on the bus?" you asked staring down at the now 3 pieces of toast.

"Yeah, I followed him on" Ash answered. 

"What happened after?" 

"Y/n I don’t thin-" 

"What happened after?" you repeated, you were now interrogating Ashton; Calum looked like he was on hand to interject at any time. 

"He got off the bus with her" He answered as you looked at him, blankly.

"So it was a her."

Ash blinked a fair few times. "Yeah" he simply informed you.

"And-" you asked.

"You can guess" Ash didn’t want to finish the words, you could see in his eyes the words just couldn’t form in his dry mouth.

You pushed your plate back towards Ash "I’m not hungry".

"Y/n wait up" it was Calum’s voice following you as you stormed up the stairs. 

You didn't even bother replying, you couldn't cry anymore, you had no tears left, you couldn't sleep. You were stuck in this hellish limbo with Luke and it was killing you. The thought of him going back to someone else's house, wrapping his arms that you swore were made to fit you around another girl, it just hurt. You logged into twitter as you sat on your bed debating what to do now with your messed up life.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologise for typos, I just really wanted to get this chapter up :)

@5sosismorethanaband.New pics of Luke leaving a flat in London.

You threw your phone to the ground. "Calm down y/n" you hadn't realised Calum was stood at your bedroom door, well, Luke's bedroom door.

You again didn't answer. You looked around the room as Cal sat on the bottom of the bed. Pictures of you and Luke were still hanging up, you wondered if he considered taking them down. 

"You still love him don't you"

"Of course i fucking do" you whispered.

Cal held his hands up in the air in defence. He took your phone off of the floor and looked at the screen. There was an awkward silence as Calum read the post. He "oh'ed" and passed the phone to you. 

"Yeah oh" 

"It could just be a friend"

You scoffed a laugh. "Yeah" you replied, sarcastically. 

"No need to be like that I'm just trying help" Calum got off of the bed in a huff and made his way to the door. 

"Sorry Cal".

"It's cool, I get it. We've all been through bad breakups." 

That made it sound so final, breakup. The end. Over.

"Thanks." You smiled, trying to show some appreciation, you didn't mean to be so cold.

"I'm meeting someone, see you later?" 

"Ehh, sure" you teased back. Cal modestly shrugged walking out, leaving you alone with too many memories.

You had no idea how long you'd be doing nothing for so you started texting Charlotte, just simple chit chat. You'd been texting for at least 3 hours before you were disturbed.

"WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK!" That was Luke shouting, Luke was home. 

You had never been so relieved, he was angry though, shit. Why? Panic spread through you, what did he have to angry about? His voice shattered through the house, it frightened you like you had never felt towards Luke before.

You grabbed some of your stuff and hurried out of Luke's bedroom. You didn't want him to find you in there incase it made him even more angry. Instead you placed yourself into Calum's room. It hit you that you were living in a house where you don't actually have a room. You crawled onto the bed and sat curled up in the corner. You could hear Luke's booming voice from downstairs, you felt as if you were hiding from your dad who had just found your secret alcohol stash. You felt unprotected now that Michael and now Calum weren't at home.

"Where is she?" his voice was getting closer.

"WHERE IS SHE?" You didn't answer but curled further into your own skin. Luke opened Calum's door almost kicking it down. 

"Hi" you stuttered out, pretending you hadn't heard the events beforehand.You had never seen Luke this angry before, it was like all the upset and bottled up anger had finally erupted. Ashton was too mature to interrupt your domestics, you were practically alone. 

"DONT SIT THERE LOOKING FUCKING INNOCENT!". You sat gobsmacked, you'd never had a full on slanging match with Luke before, this was too raw and too new.

There would be no kiss and make up after this. You had no clue what Luke knew to have made him this angry, in fact you should be the angry one. 

"I don't know what I've done..." You sighed, there was no avoiding confrontation.

"IF YOU DONT KNOW WHAT YOU HAVE DONE THEN WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS" you crawled further back onto the bed as Luke held your bra, the one he bought you for your birthday, in the air. you felt stupid answering his question, he was treating you as if you were a child.

"You know what it is" you whispered.

"Then explain to me why it was in the basement" your face dropped, the words shit just repeated through your head.

the door was shut and it made you feel scared, not the way you should have felt around Luke.

"i-i-don-t-" you stuttered, you couldn't believe how much of an idiot you were to be so clumsy. 

"Of course you fucking know!" and in a second Luke swung around and punched Calum's full length mirror, you could tell he regretted it straight away, his hand was now stained red, he let out a quiet urgh, he didn't want to show he was hurt

"Luke.." he turned away from you and shook his hand in frustration and pain. 

"I'm not stupid" 

"I know" 

"Then just tell me y/n!"

"I was pissed off okay?! Are you happy?" You shouted, you weren't sure if Luke was okay or not but the way his body was shaking sends to be adrenaline from the anger. 

"So you did what..." Luke growled out, he was torturing the words out of you.

"Luke.. Don't". He swung around, pain in his eyes, self inflicted you didn't feel as bad. 

"Look at me, y/n, and tell me why the fuck your bra is in our basement. Did you just get uncomfortable?" Luke sickly joked, taunting you. 

"Please, please Luke don't do this to me." You begged, you felt ashamed, you'd cheated and you felt awful for it.

"Was it yesterday or today?"

"Does it make a difference?" You tried. 

"IT MAKES ALL THE DIFFERENCE" Luke yelled, too close to your face, you could feel his hot breath dusting your skin, for once it was far from intimate.

"Yesterday" you could see the words pass through lukes ears, then his brain and they finished by sinking into his heart. He didnt say anything for a while, just stood there running his hands through his hair mumbling words to himself. 

"I didn't even know what was going on with us i just-" 

"Did you think about me when you were fucking him" he said too calmly for your liking, neither of you said the name Michael once.

"Luke.." 

"Did you think about how he had just beaten me up or-" there was a lump in his throat but it wasnt because he was crying, but because he was angry. his face looked as if he had just sucked on a sour sweet.  
"Did you just leave your bra for me to find"  
"Did you do it next to my guitar?"  
"Did you have a little laugh about how i was upstairs?" with every question he got closer but you shrunk further back into your shell.

"Did you think about me while you were having sex last night?" you asked, not sure if you should have. 

"What did you say?" this time Luke took a step backwards. 

"You heard" 

"How do you know?" his voice finally cracked.

"How do I know? Are you serious, have you forgotten your a god damn celebrity?" Luke cringed, you knew he hated the way his fame meant keeping things secret was extremely hard. "There are about a million pictures of you and that little black dressed girl, then a million more of you leaving her flat. Are you seriously going to ask me how I know?" You left the following and Ash part of the story out, this was feisty. Luke's face looked as if you had slapped him, you might as well of. "And don't even try to tell me you didn't fuck her, I know your morning after look all too well" your words stung, it was one thing knowing and another thing admitting it out loud. 

Luke glared at you, you could see pain behind his front. His hand still dripped with blood,leaving stains of the night over Calum's floor. "You broke up with me. I was angry as hell, I just wanted to fuck you out of my system. Obviously that didn't work, your under my skin. So, actually yes, I did think of you." You had to reminded yourself that Luke had cheated on you quickly, otherwise you'd have rushed straight to him kissing away his pain if he'd let you.

You had to be stronger this time. Luke wasn't finishing anytime soon though. "You know what makes it worse? The fact you finished this because I slept with someone and came clean and apologised, while you slept with Michael again. In the house I invited you to live in, in the basement which I took you into. You do realise your far worse off in this situation. And leaving the bra I brought you, to have a giggle at how you both knew it would get to me. That was fucking low."

"I obviously didn't leave it for you to find Luke!" you were shouting so loud that the whole street could probably hear you. "And i guess we're all equal on the whole cheating thing then yeah" you said, that should not be so casual, it was wrong and unhealthy.

"Why did you do it? Were you just trying to get at me?!" Luke backtracked.

"No! I wasn't trying to hurt you Luke"

"It doesn't seem like that!". With every comment you were both taking steps toward each other, you could feel the temperature in room rising. 

"Well I still love you Luke so why would I?" you were waiting for Luke's response but it didn't come. 

"You still-" 

"Obviously" he twisted around in frustration, you now realised that Luke's head was probably just as fucked as yours. 

"So why did you break it off if you still-" you cut him off again, you were just trying to stop him from saying 'love me' because it would just make you fall head of heels.

"Because I cant put you through it"

"Through what?" his chest was moving up and down as if in slow motion. 

"Through all of this, the fighting".

"But we're mainly fighting because of this and Mike". It wasn't that easy, you wished it could be. 

"I do love you." Luke went to say something that would probably pull you overboard. That couldn't happen yet, he had to hear you out. "But I have some fucked up feelings for Mike." You could see the muscles in his arms tense, his nostrils flared, it this wasn't so fucked it'd probably be funny. "Also I don't want to be in fear of you seeing someone behind my back, like Georgie. I slept with Michael twice, once drunk, once in a lust fuelled whirl. You have anyone at your grasp, anyone at anytime for any reason and it scares me." Luke was staring blank at you, only flashing anger again when you mentioned Michael. "We weren't even public Luke, we were together nearly a year and you still hadn't told the fan-base. And when we did have downs it wasn't just us who were affected, it was everyone. The boys, the fans, management. I can't keep doing that to you". You'd said your part, you were expecting anything other than Luke's blanched empty face. the room was just still, neither of you moved. you had said your part it was his time now, to get everything out in the open. 

"I think theres some food for you downstairs if you want it i'll see you down there" you were gobsmacked, you had ripped open your heart and let it bleed but Luke wouldn't even let you in.

"You are just fantastic" you laughed, sarcastically. 

"I don't know what you want me to say" 

"Anything Luke! Just give me anything" 

"Fine" he gave in, you didn't even know if you were ready but you had to because Luke spilled his heart out all over the floor. "You always talk about me not telling everyone about you but i did it for you! I didn't want you getting hurt! In case something like this happened, I would never be ashamed of you"

"Luke I-" 

"It's my turn" you were weirdly turned on by Luke in that moment, if you were brutally honest you didn't even want to be talking to Luke because every time you did you just wanted him back. "I didn't care about what the fans thought, what management thought, I only ever cared about you." 

"Then why did you cheat?!".

"You putting it so bluntly kills me,you know how sorry I am." Luke tried avoiding the complete answer. 

"Luke, you said it's your turn. Be honest." No more lying, this was brutal honesty. 

"I was so angry. I know it's no excuse, but even last night it was because I was angry and wanted to get back at you. And honestly I wish you could just say that you slept with Michael to get back at me, like some fucked up guilt trip. But we both know that's not the truth." 

So what you were dealing with was Luke sleeping with other people after finding out you'd done the same.

"The difference is that, the first time you cheated. Point blank, you knew the thing with Mike was in the past and we were drunk, I thought we could've talked it through. I thought I'd spend that night in your arms, instead I spent it crying myself to sleep." 

Luke looked at you in guilt. "I could apologise forever, but it's not going to take it back." 

"I know that." You understood his logistics, it didn't mean you liked them. 

"I want to be with you." It was the first decisive thing Luke had said, "I mean properly this time, I just don't know if I can trust you." 

It was all on you, Luke couldn't trust you. You felt used so you bit into your lip so hard you swore you could taste blood.

"Around Mike?" You asked, knowingly. 

"Yeah" he replied, and that was it, "I don't think i can trust myself either"  
"What do you actually feel towards him y/n?" That made you think because you didn't know. You just shook your head,and he nodded. You both had had enough. You were going around in circles. 

"I think thats enough for today" Luke nodded. "i love you, you know" 

"I know" you breathed. "And i do love you too" you thought as if putting the words 'do' and 'too' between 'i love you" made any difference .You thought Luke was going to leave but he didn't. He started striding towards you. "Don't Luke" you wanted the touch of Luke, to feel him again after sorting this out would be better than anything but you couldn't. "I cant do it".

"Please" his desperation was apparent. He put his hands in yours, you could feel your knees becoming weak. "I need you" you could feel his breath on your neck, but all your could think about was his mouth had been on another girls last night.

"Stop" ,he finally let go."I really need time. If we do this again, we need to break for a bit then do it properly." You were doing everything to stop you from falling into his embrace. Luke pressed several kissed to the crook of your neck before gently pulling away. Your body filled with guilt and attraction with the loss. 

"I'll always want to be with you" Luke said, with his hands still holding yours. You were speechless, you simply nodded. "Want that food downstairs?" Luke said again, as if nothing had happened. You simply nodded again. Luke leaned in towards you kissing your cheek, before leaving you without a second glance.


	12. Chapter 12

Dumbfounded you followed after him hoping Ash would be in the kitchen too, you couldn't be alone with your thoughts and you certainly couldn't be alone with Luke. You followed Luke down the stairs like a lost puppy. The way he walked fascinated you, he moved with a slight limp but only so slight that you would only notice if you had spent mass amounts of time with him, in which you had. He glanced at you over his shoulder as he reached the bottom step to see if you were still tagging behind. You heard crashing from the kitchen and crossed your fingers it was Ash. 

"Foods on the table" he shouted as you turned the corner. 

You sat down and Luke sat opposite, being totally honest you didn't want to gaze into his eyes as you ate your fish fingers and chips. You cut into the first piece, it was cold. Yet the effort to get up and reheat it was too much.

You went over in your mind the checklist again; you were now partly good with Luke, check. 

You were good with Michael, check.

All that was left was twitter.

"What shall I say?" you asked, directing it at Luke but Ash interjected. 

“Stop thinking so much and tweet"

"But I don’t want to tweet that me and Luke are over if we may get back together" 

"I’m still here" Luke voiced staring at his plate. 

"Sorry".

"Tweet something vague clearing up the cheating rumors. I don't even know the whole story but that all needs to be cleared up." Ash said clearly.

You frowned, it wasn't that easy.

Luke looked up from his food, "Just do it. You can write whatever, you can say I cheated." 

"Well that's not what you're going to write y/n" Ashton cut over Luke.

Luke glared at Ashton, "I lost y/n last time because I was afraid of what people would think, and the reception. I don't have anything left to lose."

Way to make me feel guilty, you thought. 

"I'm right here and not invisible last time I checked. I'm not going to drop you in it Luke, it's both our faults, we've had this conversation."

"I'd rather you blamed it on me"

"I'm not going to"

"Just tweet it" Ashton demanded, you and Luke probably looked like squabbling children over an adult issue.

You picked up your phone and logged on to your twitter account ignoring all your mentions and DMS.

"@y/t/n: So much rubbish going around twitter these days, I'm in no upset, and all those around me should know that :). Just wanted to tell you guys that the boys are all happy also. No need for all the negativity :)".

The replies came flooding within minutes; you hadn’t even told the boys what you had said yet. Most of the replies were great and what you hoped for. A lot of "thank gods" and "I’m glad" a few "so what is going on with you and Luke" or "what actually happened" but one stuck in your head in particular. 

"Not when me and Luke last spoke. It wasn’t all alright then, what a load of shit, fucking shit" 

There were few more nasty tweets coming your way, but only from Georgie or her bitchy friends. Your face was a face of full concentration and Ash could tell.

"What’d you say?" he asked.

You showed him your phone. "Fair enough” he responded. 

"She’s such a bitch" you murmured under your breath as you scrolled through Georgie’s feed.

"Who?" 

You looked up shocked, you didn’t even realise you had said it out loud. "Oh no one"

Luke looked back down at his food; he wasn’t in the mood to argue back. 

You saw Charlotte defending you against Georgie.

"@5sosarentjustaband: @y/t/nshe isn’t worth it, I don’t care for her and you shouldn't x x x".

That sparked off more reaction than your original tweet. Messages flying around directed at you and Georgie. Luke’s phone buzzed next to him. He started unlocking it; you wondered if his back screen was still the same picture of you and him. You were happy that day, Calum had taken it in a bar, and you were both pleasantly tipsy. You remember the night too clearly, the laughs, the stolen kisses in public.

"Luke, don't check twitter." Luke kept his eyes on his phone; you wanted to grab it from his hands, stamp on it, then hug Luke and never let him go. Obviously none of those actions were acceptable. Luke finished typing something out on his phone. 

"Too late" he finished, not even looking at you. 

You couldn’t tell if he was angry or upset. He was watching his phone intensely. 

"It’s not good for you mate" Ash said, you smiled at him as if to say thank you for backing you up. 

"Shut up Ash" there was no point arguing, Luke could do what he wanted. 

The conversation carried on between you and Ash as you kept an eye on Luke and his facial expressions.

"Where’s Cal too?" Ash asked you, as he took your plate over to the sink.

"Went to meet a friend" 

"Awh I think he’s into a girl"

"What’s her name?"

"Not sure, she’s cute though, he really likes her and-"

You cut him off. "Luke why are you typing"

"I’m going to tweet" he said, his fingers hovering over his phone trying to figure out his next word. 

"Luke, don’t" he didn’t answer, you had 140 Characters’ worth in time to stop Luke.

"What are you going to say? If you say we are or were together that's going to stir things, if you tweet anyone directly that'll stir things, if you even mention my name it'll stir things." 

Luke looked up; his fingers had stopped hovering for the time being. You stared straight at him hoping it would be to some avail, "Don't please."

He hesitated, before placing his phone down. 

"Thank you". You could feel Ashton's gaze between you, so you averted the conversation. 

"So what’s the bet we don't see Cal tonight?" You joked towards Ash. 

"He won't bring her back here, if they've been seeing each other for a while he's probably been to hers, and then when he's ready he'll bring her here." 

The routine Luke had just described seemed formulated, it was applicable to you. The first couple of times you'd met up with Luke you had brought him back to your old flat you shared. Then when you were getting serious Luke had brought you here, and you hadn't really looked back since. Always have a backup you noted for future reference.

"Protocol then" you hastily eyed Luke. 

“Basics" he corrected.


	13. Chapter 13

"When’s Michael home then?" you asked hesitantly, trying to keep the conversation running avoiding awkwardness.

"Hasn't said"

"Is he OK?"

Luke wasn't facing you but you could tell he was getting agitated by the Mike remarks.

"Yeah, he text me earlier." Ashton reassured you.

It hurt that Michael hadn't even text you to tell you that he was alright and safe and maybe even that he was thinking of you.

"I guess you two sorted things out." Ash was now also on his phone as well as Luke, he was trying so hard to hide the fact that he was looking at your twitter but it wasn’t working. 

"Yeah they have" Luke cut it, you couldn't tell if he was trying to stop the conversation or if he was making a jab at the basement situation

"Its all good." you looked up in pure shock, that voice was not Ash's.

It came from behind you and you didn't want to turn around. You hadn't heard him even enter the house let alone heard him walk straight behind you.

"How long you been there Michael?" Ash laughed, making light of the situation.

"Not long" he said, and turned his back away, as Mike left Luke shook his head down at the table. "Nice tweet by the way" he remarked.

You dropped your head down to face the table drying to hide your schoolgirl scarlet blush. Mike strolled out of the room as if he had never left the house.

"You going to follow him?" Luke directed at you.

"I don't chase anyone" you glared back. 

"Where you sleeping tonight?" Luke's was not option, neither was Mikes or Ash's. 

"Probably Cal’s I'm sure he won't mind"

Luke huffed at you, probably expecting you to say his. You both knew that if you slept with him it wouldn't mean sleeping. 

"Okay, no funny business" Ash joked.

"Whatever" you joked back standing up and joke punching Ash. 

"You not think we've had enough violence?" Luke asked lacking sympathy for himself.

"Don't go there, it was clearly a joke." You snapped. 

"I was kidding y/n"

"Don’t joke about that" you snapped again. 

“I can do as I like you’re not my girlfriend" a sharp gasp came from Ash. 

"That’s low." you laughed, mockingly. 

"You dumped me y/f/n" you hated it when he used your full name, because he knew you hated it, for reasons only he knew. 

Your face dropped, you weren’t going to argue if it meant petty jabs that were meant to purposely hurt you, he breathed out a "Sorry" you were exhausting him.

You didn’t say it was ok, because it wasn’t. 

"What’s the time?" you asked quietly, trying to turn the tension.

"Time you got a watc-" 

"It’s 4 o'clock" you rolled your eyes at Luke and his butting in ways. 

You insincerely smiled his way and sighed a less than believable "Thanks".

"Why you off somewhere?"

"Charlottes" you simply replied back to Luke. 

"The fan?" you forgot they didn’t actually know of your new found friendship. 

"No, your fan, my friend"

"Bit weird" Ash laughed, throwing his feet onto the kitchen table as he flicked trough a magazine with their faces on the front, which made you giggle. 

"You can’t make friends with our fans" Luke criticised.

"I’ll stop make friends with them when you stop fucking them" you rudely remarked pushing back your chair and storming out of the room.

Luke was really grating on you; everything he said was stabbing at you. He was overstepping the mark all the time, when really you should both have been trying extra hard with each other considering the circumstance. 

You bounded down the road underestimating the walk to Charlottes. Your phone vibrated in your back pocket, you knew it would be Luke, you didn't want to know it right now.  
Finally you reached Charlottes house and stood at her doorstep puffing, you had power walked for 15 minutes. Finally catching your breath you knocked in Charlotte’s door, you waited for a few minutes before Charlotte appeared at the door looking a bit flushed, you didn't ask questions just greeted her with a hug before following her to her room.

"I didn’t expect you to be here" she nervously laughed before walking past her bedroom into the upstairs lounge. 

You didn’t think anything of it.

"I just needed to get out" you smiled at her as you sat down onto the large round sofa. 

"I like your shirt" you pointed out, you recognised it but couldn’t quite figure out where from.

She thanked you and quickly moved on to the next subject.

After half an hour of simple conversation, talking about the boys, that today she didn’t seem interested in, you briefly spoke about Georgie but she skimmed over the situation. You came to the conclusion that she wasn’t in the mood.

Your theory was backed up when Charlotte said "I’m going to have to ask you to leave soon". 

She laughed "Have to go to a late lecture". 

You knew she was lying but you understood, said your goodbyes and let yourself out. You found yourself standing outside of Charlotte’s house with nowhere to go. Charlotte couldn’t have you, Michael wouldn’t, Calum was out and you were angry at Luke. Your only last resort was Ash but he was back at the house and even he didn’t want to hear your whining.

You walked in the opposite way to the house for a while, thinking over unimportant subjects and events in your head, this was your life now; over thinking. You found yourself in a park near Charlottes at 6:30 in the evening. The evening drew to a close around you; days were getting shorter where yours seemed to get longer. You'd always loved autumn but this year there had been no excitement. What's the point in warm candlelit bedrooms when you’re lonely? 

As you found yourself staring at the fallen leaves, you felt sorry for them dying before they should have.

'I’m so pathetic' you thought to yourself. It was true. You were alone in a park with hardly an idea of how to walk home, and everything just kind of sucked.

As you sat wasting away minutes you were approached by two girls who recognised you, asking for pictures, you fake smiled for them, obviously not doing a great job as you were met with "Are you sure your happy?" "Your tweet seemed so positive". You simply blamed it on lack of sleep; it was so easy to hide, when no one cared enough to find the truth.

The girls wandered off into the distance. You watched them as their bodies became smaller and only turned into an outline of the ever darkening skyline, as they disappeared into the distance. You lay back onto the ground. You weren’t okay, and that wasn’t okay. All you wanted from Charlotte was reassurance that everything WILL be ok even though you knew it wouldn’t.

You watched the sky for as long as you could until it got so dark all you were staring at was a black abyss.

"Are you alright?" a lady, holding a lead that you guessed belonged to the dog that was sniffing around the park behind you. 

She couldn’t have been much older than you, maybe 25.

You felt your chest suddenly fall in on itself, you gasped for air as a single tear fell down your cheek, your face scrunched into a ball as you shook your head "No" you let out a cry and started to shake. 

"It’s okay, it’s okay" she sat next to you and pulled you into a hug. She shushed you. "Whatever or whoever it is there not worth it" that wasn’t it, that wasn’t why you were led in a park in the middle of the night. You weren’t worth it. That’s why. No one believed you were worth anything.

"Do you need a ride home or something love" the woman spoke into the darkness. 

You debated saying no and spending the night alone in the park wallowing in self pity, before you realised you weren't a nobody, you had an image to keep up.

"If it's not too much hassle" you replied.

"Not at all, we'll just walk this little one home, get the car and you'll be on your way." She spoke, dusting herself down as she stood up. "My names Polly", she said whilst offering you a hand as a greeting and to help you to your feet.

As you finally stood upright you realised just how tired and weak you were. 

"Y/n, I really appreciate your kindness." You continued the greeting. 

As you walked back to Polly's house, you internally criticised the person who once said never to speak to strangers, when in fact every person you knew was once a stranger.  
You made small talk with Polly, you were sure she didn't recognise you as the subject of the boys hadn't been brought up, it was simple talking to Polly, normal.

As you reached her house about a 10 minute walk from the park away, you waited outside by her car as Polly settled her dog in inside. She came out side, now wearing a jumper instead of a raincoat. She unlocked the car and you took your place in the passenger seat. 

"Thank you" you smiled. 

"No problem" you half expected her to say, it’s what friends do, but soon realised you weren’t sat with Calum.

"Where am I taking you then?" she asked, already driving down the road.

You found it funny how people ask the question as they drive, like what if I was going in the other direction. Your mind was going off on a tangent again as it tried to avoid the question. It was a good question; you had a few places in mind. One was asking her to take you back to the park. 

Yet you knew there was only one place you could go and it wasn’t exactly where you wanted to go. "10 Ridge-end road, north of town" 

“Shit y/n how did you get so far?"

You laughed at what you thought was a rhetorical question but she waited for a response.

"Walked"

She shook her head. "Someone must have proper pissed you off" she asked, keeping one eye on the road occasionally turning her head, probably checking that you weren’t crying.  
"Something like that" you whispered, staring out the window.

The emotional music on the radio really wasn’t helping your mood either.

Polly pulled up the house, you got out, passed her some money for petrol which she kindly refused and told you to "keep happy" a hopeful statement.

The house felt dead. No sound or movement. You felt like you had to creep to Calum’s bed. The small opening from Luke’s bedroom door looked inviting, he was watching family guy, and you could hear his slight chuckle. You missed his chuckle, you missed him. 

Calum’s room felt empty, knowing he probably wasn’t going to be home made you feel worse as the realisation of sleeping alone became apparent.

You might as well get it over with you thought as you stripped down to your underwear and snuggled into Calum’s bed and fell into a deep slumber, too right you were tired.  
The door slam shut in the pitch black room, awakening you. You heard the locking of lips before the scuffle of feet. There were two distinctive noises being made, a very feminine moan and a masculine growl. You forced your eyes to open in the darkness, hoping to escape your twisted fate in this nightmare. Your eyes opened too easily, observing two dark figures by the door, this was no dream.

Calum. 

Shit,shit,shit.

You panicked, Luke was sure he wouldn't bring his 'friend' back to the house yet, god damn, you wish you'd stayed in the park.

You froze in the bed, laying as still as possible praying to camouflage into the sheets. You weren't stupid though, you knew how this looked, God you just hoped this looked as innocent as it was, just a sheer act of loneliness.

Before you could even think of how you could explain why you were in Calum's bed, the light was flicked on, throwing you into the deep end of reality. The girl turned in the light to scan the room, her eyes locked onto you, you were so screwed.

"CAL WHAT THE FUCK!” You jolted to an upright position in the bed, about to start of some explanation. The next events happened in slow motion, a noise of denial from Calum, a broken sound of betrayal.

A look of recognition, "No...Please no..." A teary plea from Charlotte. 

Charlotte was Cal’s’ mystery girl, your best friend. And you were in Calum's bed.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 5k chapter to make up for my lack of updates :)

"It’s not what it looks-"

“It’s not what it looks like? Pft, yeah, you’re just like the rest of them!" Charlotte grabbed her bag that she had previously dropped in the heat of passion and walked through the door, she had only just walked into. 

"Charlotte wait" 

"Fuck off y/n", you jumped out the bed to chase after her only to realise you were in your underwear and by the time you would put clothes on she would be gone.

Cal shook his head at you "Fuck y/n".

"Don’t fuck me Calum! Go fuck her! Go fucking after her."

Calum responded by bounding down the stairs three steps at a time shouting "Char wait" over and over.

You peered out of Calum’s bedroom window, Calum and Charlotte were both arguing on the street. All you could see were the facial expressions of a distraught Charlotte and the hand gestures of a more than angry Calum. 

You quickly picked up your things knowing Calum wouldn’t want you in his bed on his return. You walked into the hallway in your clothes in one hand and your phone in the other. You stood between three doors. The back door, you could slyly leave the house and get away from all this crap, Lukes room or Michaels. The back door really wasn't an option in your mind, as much as you wanted it to be, it defeated the object of you even coming home tonight. Luke or Mike’s room. Either way you were so not up for sex, you just wanted to sleep and maybe cry a bit more. Both of the doors were shut fully meaning both of the boys were asleep, so you'd have to wake both of them as you know that they both sprawled in their beds when they were alone. The fact you would have to enter one of the rooms scared you, as if you needed more to make you feel even more shit. You knew Cal was still outside with Charlotte, you caused that, possibly losing two best friends. 

In the meanwhile the floor was looking pretty comfortable. You thought the options through for what felt like 10 minutes. You went with the fourth and final option, the sofa. You shifted your items in your hands and turned your back on the boy’s doors and huffed to yourself. You shivered from the cold or because of the tension you had been feeling.  
Before you had a moment to walk down the stairs, you heard a door open, as it creaked open, the noise of Family Guy briefly sounded through the hallway, you knew it was Luke.  
"Whatcha doing?" he asked, stretching out and yawning, his eyes always scrunched up when he yawned but you would tell him not to because it made them go all red.

You didn’t tell him this time. 

He was wearing a plain white t-shirt and a pair of boxers, he hardly ever went topless. 

"Nothing" you said, purposely not looking into his eyes. 

He laughed, he knew what had happened, he was just making conversation.

"Sorry for waking you" 

"I wasn’t sleeping, I was watching TV" 

"Its 3am" you were telling him, it wasn’t a question.

"I know" there was a silence for a while as the conversation came to a slow decline. 

Luke bit his lip, not sexually, it was more of a chew if you were honest, and he fiddled with his hands awkwardly.

"I'm going to head downstairs." You blanked, as if you had nothing more important to say, such as questioning how much Luke had heard.

"Why?" Luke asked as if your decision was irrelevant. 

"To sleep on the sofa or something.”

Luke met your eye line, "Don't be stupid, you can sleep with me." 

You knew he'd offer, he wasn't rude and you both knew you meant something to each other. 

"I don't think that's the best of ideas Luke, I'm really tired and.."

"You take my bed, I'll grab a spare quilt and take the sofa. You need the sleep more than me." God you could've kissed him in that moment.

"You sure?"

"Sure" he confirmed before leading you into his room.

He grabbed the quilt off of the side and threw it down onto the sofa. It was odd being in the room with Luke where you knew you had so many memories, who know how many times you had had sex on that sofa, you chuckled to yourself. You watched Luke take off his top but swiftly move under the duvet before you could even see. He put his hands behind his head which made his biceps tense as he watched the telly with a slight smirk on his face.

"How long have you been watching Family Guy for?" you asked.

"7 episodes"

You mouthed the word 'wow' which made Luke chuckle and turn back to the TV to not miss a minute of his 8th episode. 

You popped your stuff down onto the floor and jumped into the bed. Pulling the duvets up to your shoulders and tucking yourself in. You waited for Luke's kiss that he would always place on your forehead before wrapping his arms around you and falling asleep, but you knew it was never coming. You turned your back on the TV and faced the wall. 

"Night" you whispered.

"Night" there was a pause as Luke switched off of the telly before whispering back "Love you.”

I love you too; you thought but didn't say because sleep was adamant to claim you. As you drifted off, you didn't think, just let sleep overrule you. Your dreams were clear; you took that as a good sign. You awoke to the soft familiar light beaming through the window, reflecting onto your back. There was no warmth behind you, Luke hadn't joined you, and you were partly relieved. As you yawned you stretched out on Luke’s bed, before sitting up. You'd been in this position millions of times; however you'd always be woken with a morning kiss. You looked through your sleep blurred eyes to see Luke settled what seemed uncomfortably on his sofa. You didn't want to wake up him so you got out of his bed quietly, putting one of your long tops on with a pair of Luke's bed shorts on underneath. Just as you were about to leave Luke's room to grab a cup of coffee, you heard Luke's morning voice calling for you. 

"Y/n, where do you think you’re going?" You turned to see a sleepy Luke sat upright, legs on the floor in an about to stand stance of the sofa.

"Getting a drink, don't get up if you’re tired.”

“’M not" 

"Stubborn" you joked.

Luke stood up and barged in front of you playfully, opening his bedroom door before steeping out. You just hoped Calum wasn't downstairs, you were sure he wouldn't be too happy to see you. Luke walked as slow as he possibly could down the stairs, he knew it annoyed you.

"Luukeee" you laughed, pushing his back, he fell down a step.

"Health and safety y/n!" you laughed at his attempt of a serious face.

"I’ll race you to the kitchen" Luke said with his arm spread across the stairs making sure you didn’t have a head start.

"I’m not racing yo-" but he was already off, you jumped down the last steps taking a lead in the race. He pushed your shoulder back which made you lose your footing and tumble a little, Luke was gaining on the kitchen so you ran to jump on his back but as soon as you were flying through the air, his body twisted around and you ended up wrapping your legs around his front instead of his back. The mass force took Luke by surprise and he stumbled 10 paces forward, falling head over heels with you attached to his chest. You landed on your back with Luke on top of you; a position you were very much used to. Instead of focusing on how winded you were, your hysterical laughter took the pain away, but as you tilted back your head to let out another laugh an upside down face met your gaze. You wriggled from underneath Luke and stood up clumsily.

"Cal.." 

"Leave it y/n".

You gained some control over yourself before walking in Calum's path. “No, please let me explain". Calum looked at you in disappointment.

"You fixed your relationship and ruined mine, well played."

Luke during the time you had gathered yourself had got to his feet, and was now firmly standing by your side as an act of protection. 

"She won't have me back" Luke chipped in, half joking half serious.

"Whatever mate, sure looked like that." Cal shook his head.

You cut in before you lost your chance again, "Cal, I was in a park until God knows what time, I’d have stayed out there, I had nowhere else to go because Charlotte told me she had a lecture, since when did you become a lecture? You were in her room weren't you?" You'd diverted off point but you were curious, now you'd put two and two together.  
"Yeah, it was me. No point really talking about it, she thinks I've been fucking you". You could see Luke visibly tense beside you, he knew it wasn't true, although the mention of you sleeping with anyone but him visibly angered and upset him. 

"I was only in your bed, she knows all about what’s going on, she'll understand"

She has to, you thought.

"You don’t think I’ve tried that!" 

"I’ll talk to her then" 

"Like that’s going to change anything, she hates both of our guts." Calum walked away and you didn’t even bother following him.

Luke tried to comfort you by putting his hand on your waistline but you pushed his arm aside. What Calum said hurt, like really hurt?

Char was basically your only friend who wasn't in a band. You did feel a little betrayed by her, you trusted in her and told her everything but she didn’t even tell you that she was dating your best mate. Yet by what she thinks you did, she probably felt massively betrayed. You shoved on your boots and ran out of the house jumping into your car not caring that you were only wearing Luke’s pajama shorts on your bottom half. You drove through a bit of a detour first, this was a bit of a rash decision and you were trying to clear your head. You thought about texting her first but realised it would be no use. You pulled up beside her house and walked very slowly up to her front door. You knocked a few times but no answer. At first you thought she was ignoring you but as you looked at your phone you saw it was half 9 and she was probably at a lecture, but you weren't giving up. You slumped yourself down on her doorstep and you were there to stay until she came back. You checked your phone every 5 minutes, time was dragging. You plugged your headphones into your phone and zoned out. Your phone had two texts on it, you'd read both and not replied.

Luke: Text me, did you end up at Charlottes Okay?"

Michael: woke up and you weren't home :(". 

You would've been content if you weren't dreading the impending conversation. After what seemed like hours you took your headphones out with your phone extremely low on battery, to hear the sound of heels rounding the corner. You stood up realising what a state you must look. It was Charlotte, like you suspected. As she recognised you she stopped about 6 feet away before turning in the opposite direction. 

"Charlotte, wait."

It was like Cal all over again. Charlotte stopped dead in her tracks and looked back around to you staying so still that you could see her tremble and the tears in her eyes.

"I'll give you 5 minutes, only because I don't want to have been wrong about Cal". 

You sighed in relief, you could sort this out, you were sure of it. You couldn't lose her.

"You know the thing with Luke and-" 

"What’s that got anything to do with?!" 

Some lookers on who were walking down the path whispered to each other while eyeing up both you and Charlotte.

"A lot to do with it actually" she didn’t reply so you just carried on your explanation. "I didn’t have anywhere to sleep" Charlotte rolled her eyes and looked as if she had enough of what she thought was bullshit.

"Seriously Charlotte, I didn’t have anywhere to go and the only bed was Cal’s" she didn’t speak so you decided to continue. "He’s my best friend, my only best friend, well, only friend" she looked like she was coming round to the fact that what she thought happened, didn’t.

"Why were you in your underwear?"

"I didn’t think Cal was coming home, the boys said he wouldn’t have, they say they only bring girls back when its serious." You saw a smile perk up on her lips.

"Really?"

You nodded. "whatever you think of me can’t be helped, but please just sort things out with Cal, your both amazing, you deserve each other" you slightly grinned and walked away from Charlotte so you were now unlocking your car. 

"Y/n wait.”

You turned around, from your car to face Charlotte. She looked happy, almost as If she'd forgotten already, that's what you loved about Charlotte, her inability to hold a grudge.  
"I'm sorry. I jumped to conclusions. Hope you sort things out in your life. See you around?" You grinned and nodded, if Cal and she took their relationship where you thought it was going you'd have her around a lot more often. 

You pulled out your phone and tweeted, "Happiness comes to the most deserving". Brief, simple.

As you got in your car you took out your hidden 5sos pirated CD from your glove compartment. You could've never brought the album because the boys would have never let it die. You skipped to Track 7, while beginning to drive back to the house. Although metaphorical you'd never related to lyrics more, which was creepy seeing this wasn't just a band, these were your boys. 'She sleeps alone, my heart wants to come home.' as you drove around you didn’t really feel like going home, you would prefer just to leave it all for a while. Pushing things to the side was your worse trait but you weren’t changing it now. 

You first drove into the McDonalds drive through. You hadn’t had the time to grab breakfast before the incident and you'd been waiting outside Charlotte's for a while so it was now half 12 and you were starving. You took your Big Mac and fries from a very cute cashier who you tried flirting with but it didn’t really work his arrogance visible. You’d always liked a bit of a bad boy.

You sat in the car park with your knees up on the steering wheel munching on your burger as you texted back the boys.

To Michael: I’ll be home soon x. You thought that was suitable enough.

To Luke: Everything’s good, is Cal alright now? <3\. You regretted the heart as you sent it but it was habit.

There was a small tap on the window. It was the cute cashier guy. Fuck. You were still in Luke's PJ bottoms and had a mouth full of burger.

"Yes?" you asked, rolling down the window.

“Hi, I just wanted to let you know that you are one of the most beautiful girls I've ever seen." You blushed majorly. "I took the opportunity of you forgetting your change to come and talk to you, even though I haven't got long."

You blushed even more than you thought possible, forgetting your change. Smart move.

You subconsciously wiped your hand across your mouth, in an attempt to clear any traces of Big Mac. You had no idea how this cute guy found you attractive.

"Thank you; don't let me hold you up." You replied, blinking your eyelashes probably far too many times. 

"Any time with you isn't wasted, are you single by the way?" You were right on the arrogance aspect.

You were single for the first time technically in nearly a year, you were still a bit in love, and had conflicting feelings but you were single.

"I am." You smiled seductively back to the guy. You loved this bit of a relationship new beginnings had always excited you. However you couldn't fully shift your mind from Luke nor Michael, more prominently Luke. The boys face lit up, you had done that to him. 

"You can take my number if you like." You offered, you weren't going to bypass this opportunity.

You had a right to give a good-looking guy your number; it'd be a crime to single women everywhere if you didn't. You passed the guy your phone as you observed him adding his number, before adding your number to his phone.

You gratefully smiled as he handed you your phone back. "Thanks..?"

"It's Freddie" 

"Y/n" 

"Nice to meet you, hopefully see you soon".

You smiled to yourself as you watched Freddie walk off; you had a handsome boys number in your phone and only a hint of guilt in your body. You exhaled finally; you had been holding your breath since the knock on the window. As soon as Freddie wandered out of sight you did a little dance in your seat and punched the air accidentally hitting the roof.  
"Ouch" you yelped, grabbing onto your hand and laughing. You just wished that you could have a new beginning. Maybe even have a house to yourself but with no education and no job to support yourself there was no way it would be possible. 

You started up your engine and drove out of the car park. As soon as you hit the main roads the weekend traffic was soon upon you, you were moving at a pace of a mile per hour. Ridiculous. You tapped your steering wheel to the sound of the album and hummed along, your phone vibrated in the passenger seat as you were hardly moving there was no harm in reading it, you moved your hand along the seat past numerous CDs and McDonalds bags to unlock it.

'1 message: Luke: Cal's fine, Charlotte's here now, she's lovely, I’m bored, please come home xxxx'

That’s what you were trying to do. As the traffic started to start up again much to your relief, you decided against replying to Luke you'd be back soon enough. The car drive dragged, but for once you were grateful, you thought of your life and what you stood for. Charlotte was at Uni, she was probably Calum’s girlfriend. 

You could go back to school, you weren't dumb. You had AS levels, in grades good enough to allow you to take A2. You would meet new people; you wouldn't have to rely on the boys. Your only obstacle was the boys themselves. When you were with Luke it just made sense if you were committed, that you didn't go back to school. If the boys were touring you could tour to, you'd done part of the TMH tour, all the dates of their UK tour and you know when the boys from One Direction started WWA touring back up you'd probably be on the road again. Touring was amazing, the pride of seeing the boys onstage doing what they loved. Playing the songs you heard them jam out in the basement to thousands of people. But as you thought of Freddie and the effect he'd had on you to start re-evaluating your life, you realised after the last few days you had to do just that.

You pulled into the boys drive way once again. The boys drive way, you thought, not yours. There were a few fans stood outside the house but most of them had probably left for lunch. The only ones left were the older fans; they intimidated you a little considering some of them were even older than you were. You drove straight past them, ignoring the stares and picture taking. The only thing you could think about was hoping Georgie wasn’t there. 

As you walked up to the house you could hear laughter from inside. It made you go all warm, everyone was getting on, and you smiled to yourself as you turned the key.  
"Hi!" you shouted letting them know you were home. No reply. The laughter still boomed from the lounge. You walked to the lounge door and before you could push it open you heard Charlotte's giggle and you couldn’t help but feel replaced. 

You averted your intended path, making your way towards the kitchen instead. You sat down on the end chair placing your phone in the middle of the table; you were intending to be alone for a while. You pulled Luke's laptop towards you, starting it up while tapping your fingers on the keyboard while waiting. As soon as the computer loaded you pulled up Google, searching 'A2 level exams resist". While scanning through the various search options, you realised maybe your ideas weren't as unrealistic as you thought. You were fully immersing yourself in a world of possibilities, when the boys with a joined at the hands Cal and Charlotte in tow burst through the kitchen door. You couldn't have clicked the exit button quickly enough, slamming the laptop shut. 

You looked up averting your attention to Cal and Charlotte, "I'm so happy for you guys." You smiled with hidden jealousy. The smiles on their faces didn't even need you to ask if they were fully together.

"What were you looking at?" Luke asked from the other side of you.

"Nothing." 

"Okay then" Michael chipped in.

It was strange being in a room with Luke and Mike now. Conversation started flowing, before your phone lit up vibrating once in the middle of the table. Luke reached for it, you hated him grabbing your phone like that and he knew it. He frowned before angling it so everyone could see the fact you had a message from a cute McDonalds who had saved his name on your phone as: Freddie<3.

You snapped the phone back off Luke "Uh that’s mine" you whispered, knowing everyone in the room had seen the message, the message that you hadn't even seen yourself. 

"Want to meet up tonight?" you read to yourself. 

"Were you banging him as well?" Luke murmured.

You had just started being civil with Luke and you had to go and ruin it, you were only thinking of yourself and being selfish about how shit Luke was feeling. 

"No" you said, as if obvious. The conversation between the others started up again as they stood around the oven. You and Luke stayed sat around the table "Who is he?" Luke hissed at you. 

"What’s it got to do with you Luke?" you were both whispering trying to avoid making a scene.

"Because I’m your-" he stopped himself, you felt a sudden flush of guilt, like something had just got stuck in your chest as it impounded in on itself. He skimmed over what he just said as if it never happened "Because I just thought maybe, after shit blows over, maybe we could get back together?" He asked as if a question.

“But as we sort our shit out Luke, I have to move on with things" it sounded worse coming out of your mouth that it did in your head. 

"So you’re just going to move on?" 

"I’m going to try new things" you corrected.

Your phone vibrated again, Luke's arm jolted because of his natural reaction but he stopped himself for grabbing the phone, the message read "I hope you didn’t give me a fake number because that would be embarrassing" you chuckled to yourself but looked up to Luke, his lips were slightly parted and he looked like he hadn’t had a good night’s sleep in weeks. 

"I’m going out tonight" you murmured. 

"I’ll be here if you change your mind"

You felt devastated, he was hanging on to you with every last thread but you had just completely shaken him off. You nodded, announcing to the kitchen you'd be home late tonight, so not to lock up for you. Michael stared at Luke, who stared to the floor; Charlotte sent a secret girly smile in your direction, while Ashton and Calum asked who with. 

"With a friend" you simply answered. 

As you left the kitchen you felt all eyes burning into your back, you used the shower in Luke's room, you felt poetic in ways you'd never felt before. This could be a whole new gateway. As you started getting ready you opted for a sophisticated, Smokey look, finished with a little black dress you hadn't worn in months. Freddie had texted you before you get in the shower letting you know he'd be picking you up around the corner, he didn't know how dedicated Paps were or who your ex was. He'd also told you to dress up, you assumed he was going to be wining and dining you. As you were finishing the last sections of the chore of straightening your hair Luke's bedroom door opened, it wasn't Luke thankfully that would've been low him discovering you getting made up for someone who wasn't him in his room. 

It was Charlotte; you ran over to her and hugged her in relief that your friendship was still valid. 

"You look stunning," she remarked. "Who's this lucky guy then?"

"A friend" you laughed sitting down on the floor in front of the mirror once again, you were picking at any imperfection. 

"Aha yeah" she said sarcastically. 

You giggled. "He’s just some guy" 

"So it is a guy!!" she ran over and tickled your side as she sat to your right. 

"I met him at McDonalds" you said, applying some more mascara. 

"McDonalds! You met your date at McDonalds?!" she laughed hysterically. 

"Shut up" you pouted. 

"Whatever floats your boat" she giggled, you nudged her side. 

"He's lucky to have you" she smiled, pinning your fringe back knowing you didn’t like it. You flicked it forward.

"He hasn’t got me, it’s one date" she nodded knowingly. 

"Do you still like Luke?" she asked, looking at every bit of herself in mirror. 

"Charlotteeeee" 

"Just wondering" she was trying to act casual. 

"Of course" you said, getting off of the floor and putting on your heels, you tumbled a little backwards but got your footing again. Charlotte looked up from the mirror; you didn’t think she was expecting it. 

"You what?" 

"Of course I still like him" you said, picking up your phone and reading your new message. "I’m here, whenever you’re ready" it read.

Before Charlotte could reply you hugged her goodbye and she wished you luck. You tried creeping out of the house door but it didn’t work. 

"You look nice" you turned around to see Michael, he had again changed his hair colour from when you last saw him. It was now blonde. 

"I like your hair" he ruffled it a little and thanked you. 

"I’m sorry" you mouthed 

"For what?" 

You shrugged, you didn’t even know what you were sorry for.

"Where you off to then" Michael questioned. 

"Just spending time with a mate" you played it down.

Michael scanned you up and down, "Lucky mate" he replied in his sarcastic tone, before walking into his room slamming his door behind him. 

"Damn it" you muttered aloud. 

Hurriedly after you realised you were keeping Freddie waiting you rushed down the stair wobbling in your heels, it'd been a while okay? As you exited the house you looked up to the sky asking for sanity before you had to face the permanent fans outside of the house. 

You turned the corner to the fans, "Y/n, where are you going?"

"A date? Where's Luke?"

"Y/n over here!" 

You stayed quiet brushing through the crowd. You needed to get through as quickly as possible, as you headed towards a black car parked along the road from the house; you spotted Freddie motioning you along in the front seat of the car. Thank god, would've been awkward getting into a strangers car. As you reached the car you snappily opened the door, shifting into the car beside Freddie, in the dusk the flashes from phones illuminated the front of the car. The cars smelt of smoke and aftershave, it was all overwhelming.  
Freddie grinned at you "I didn’t think you could have got more beautiful, I was wrong again." You blushed. "But seriously, what's all this-" He started referencing the hysteria.

"Later" you cut in.

It was a little awkward for a while, you hadn’t done this for a long time, last time you went on a date was yours and Luke's, he took you to an all you could eat buffet, fuck you loved the burgers there. 

You giggled along to his jokes and cute compliments that you weren't used to. 

"So where are we going?" you asked through a grin. 

"McDonalds" he said but shortly after let out a laugh, you let out a chuckle along with him. 

"Thought we'd go to my favourite pub" you liked the idea, a warm fire, pub grub, a round of drinks with a hot lad. Not too shabby y/n, you thought. 

He pulled into the pub car park, The Spade and the Sparrow. 

The sun was just setting and you could see it just over the cliff where the pub was situated. Freddie opened the side door for you and as you walked through the pub door, Freddie placed his hand on the top of the back of your leg and led you to your seat. It was all so formal and proper, you felt privileged.

You aimlessly chatted with Freddie about nothing important, your smile was permanently glued to you face. When the waiter came over to take your order you ordered a burger with salad and another glass of red wine. As you'd both finished ordering, Freddie reached across the table to hold your hands. 

"I have to admit I googled your name, quickly, a minute ago" He'd gone to the toilet as soon as you'd sat down you had a feeling he would. 

You sighed, you could understand his curiosity, but privacy was a big thing for you.


	15. Chapter 15

"I instantly regretted it, but I'm guessing that whole thing earlier was ex troubles? He was famous? That's all I really got." He was begging you to open up a bit.

"You know 5sos?" you asked hoping he would say no.

"5 seconds of summer? They do that underwear song?"

You laughed, "Yeah, my ex is the lead.” Your ex, your ex, the words came so easily out of your mouth.

"Famous boy band aye"

"Band" you scoffed, you didn’t like people calling them a boy band, you were protective of their dream. 

"Fans on your back then?" 

"Kinda" It was a bit of a conversation killer but Freddie was chatter, chatter bordering intrusive.

"So you still live with him?"

"And the band, yes" if you added in 'the band' it didn’t sound so relationshippy. "But were friends so it’s '’Ite" 

"’Ite" he mocked. 

Your food came and was placed in front of you. You waited for Freddie to take a bite out of his food before you did. You bit into your burger, wiping your chin in the proceedings. You 'mm'ed in pleasure but being brutally honest, you preferred the all you could eat buffets burgers. Luke knew what you liked; you liked plain simple greasy grubby food. As you had been best friends with Luke before you dated he did everything right, he knew everything you enjoyed and all your favourite things and chomping on 5 burgers after eating 3 plates of spaghetti was your type of thing. You picked on your salad after positively scoffing your burger, you didn't want to seem rude, but judging from Freddie's looks you were sure his previous girlfriends were the type to not even have ordered a burger.

"Not hungry?" Freddie looked up from his empty plate to see your eyes turned downbeat at the sight of the limp greens in front of you. The thought that it sounded slightly patronising was pushed to the back of your mind.

"Not really" you lied through your teeth. “It was really nice though, thank you so much". 

Freddie beamed back at you again, he had the most infectious smile you couldn't help but mirror. The waitress collected your plates as you ordered a third glass of wine, it was needed. Wine was your choice tonight because you never drank wine around Luke, you were more than happy to sit with a neat bottle of vodka and a few cans of coke. Thankfully the wine was quite strong, sending the warmth of tipsiness through your body. Freddie was pretty sober though after opting for only one pint with his meal. 

"So" Freddie started again "How's education treating you?” 

You were not prepared for that and your shock probably was completely visible. "Oh I'm not in education at the moment, thinking of retaking my A levels though" you supplied, Freddie was the first person you'd told and it only warmed you to the idea more.

"I had to retake as well, don’t worry. I just couldn’t be fucked the first year" Freddie didn't cling to your words, formulating his own answer.

"What you stud-y-ying?" you had started to slur a little due to the drink, you realised wine wasn’t your thing. 

Freddie laughed hearing your slur but pushed it aside. "Law, Business and English. I passed Law last year but got E’s in the others. So third year it is." He was a year older than you then. 

"I was thinking about doing law and English for A-levels!!" You were seeming a bit too happy about college, the drink was starting to talk.

"Maybe we could study together."

You smiled at the thought; his leg was gently nudging against yours. Your aimless chatting carried on for a while, the pub was getting much quieter and you were 5 glasses of wine down. 

"You’re a nice guy Fred, can I call you Fred?"

"You certainly can" he chuckled, obviously finding your very tipsy state highly amusing. 

"I used to call Luke, Lukey" 

"That your ex?"

"Yeah, my fucking ex."

He laughed your way and asked for the bill, you both swiftly moved out of the pub and back into his car, you had sobered up a little but not too much that you still stumbled on your way there. In the car your normally bubbly personality probably took a tip on the annoying spectrum. You were a touchy drunk, Freddie didn't know that but you were making sure he now knew, as you held his hand over the automatic gear stick. You couldn't prevent yourself from laughing at most things Freddie said, some which weren't even funny.

"You sure your okay" Freddie asked you for about the hundredth time.

"Yup" you replied giggling.

"Okay".

As the radio spread through the car you hummed along, making a fool out of yourself, thankfully Freddie joined in. He must really like me, you thought. You kind of wished a 5sos song would come on so you could boast about how the lyrics could relate to you, but even in your drunken state fate was on your side, considering your questionable boundaries.

After what seemed an awfully quick car journey, Freddie pulled his car into the position he picked you up.

"I'm going to walk you to your door okay?" Freddie more so demanded than asked.

"Okay Fred". The imminent fact of fans seeing you together was slipping your mind. As you got out of the car you waited for Freddie, and grabbed onto his arm for stability as soon as he started walking. 

"Someone can’t hold their drink." he murmured under his breath.

"But I can hold something else." You didn’t even know what that meant but it sounded flirty.

Freddie let out a laugh. "I think its bed time Y/n." He chuckled walking you to just outside the door.

"I had a nice time tonight" You smiled through your slightly glassy eyes.

"So did I, you’re a lovely girl."

You could feel your cheeks heating up as you let out an embarrassed giggle. His green eyes focused in on yours, switching from left to right. He rolled his lips inwards before leaving a slight smirk on his mouth. You knew what he wanted, but it made you feel so guilty, making out with someone outside the house where Luke lay asleep, you took a deep breath in. Freddie’s lips looked ever so tempting, pale pink in front of you.

Luke’s lips were darker, Luke’s stubble looked rougher. 

You were mentally torturing yourself at this point. Your drunken mind didn't agree with your sober thoughts, as you moved a tiny step forward allowing Freddie to lean in. You followed his lead turning your head to the right, before you knew it you were softly kissing. It felt different, it was a kiss, and there was no edge or rush, just a simple kiss.  
God, you felt guilty, you wished you could throw yourself into Freddie. But you couldn't stop thinking the reason you had gone in for the kiss was to spite Luke in some sick way, he could kiss other people and so could you. You both were single, you'd made that decision.

You pulled away and let out a slight laugh. 

“Thank you.”

"No, thank you" he politely remarked before leaving you outside the house as walked away.

Your blurred drunk vision wasn’t so bad that it got you to the door but you weren’t able to find the keyhole. On your first attempt you dropped the key to your feet before it even got near to the hole. On your second attempt your key got stuck, well you thought it was stuck and with a great tug you and the key both hit the floor and in the process you let out a drunken giggle. your 3rd and final attempt was just as bad as the second. Your useless state had caught the attention of a certain roommate as the door swung open; you let out a sigh of relief.

"Have fun with your 'friend'.” Michael asked, not attempting to help you off of the floor. 

"Mmhmm" you replied."Mike-mikey can you help me?" You blabbed in laughter from the floor.

"You chose him then" Michael referenced to the door, and your 'mystery' friend.

"Nooo" you groaned, making shushing noises after.

Michael must've felt bad for you then as he easily picked you up from the floor into his arms and started carrying you bridal style, slamming the front door behind him. Michael proceeded to carry you upstairs as you sniffled into the crook of his neck, Michael was warm and nice, your brain determined. Michael slowly put you down in his bed as soon as he got into his room, pulling the quilt over you. Then he disappeared, coming back with a pint of water and some tablets. 

"Drink the water, tablets in the morning." Michael instructed. You glared up at Michael questioning his motives, but before you could even ask, Michael disappeared again, leaving you in a dark room, tipsy and alone. After sitting up in the dark and spinning room you quickly came to the conclusion that you didn’t want to be alone, and fumbled around for your phone, accidentally making a few Calls and dropping it a few times, you finally texted mike what was meant to say 'please come upstairs' but in your drunken state read more 'plawase come upstats ams be wov me' after a few more persuasive texts that were a little bit too sexual you heard Michael's footsteps form on the stairs. He pushed open the door.

“Mikeey!!” you shouted as if you were a kid and he was your cool uncle.

"Sssh y/n." You pouted at him like a baby. "Go to sleep", he hadn’t even set a step into the room and was stood in the doorway.

"Come sleep with me" you whispered.

"You know what happened last time you were drunk and we were together"

"It won’t happen Mikey." 

"Famous last words."

“I pw-promise you that IT won't happen" you said exaggerating the it.

Michael looked at you jolted up in his bed and for the second time of the night felt sorry for you. Michael pulled his top over his head, he was now topless and in joggers. You beckoned Michael to come nearer to you, relying on your hands not to let you down. Michael walked to the other side of you avoiding your grasp. You didn't even know yourself if you were prepared to through yourself at him.

"Please go to sleep." Michael asked of you getting in his bed at the furthest place from you. "I don't know how I’d ever get over you if it happened again".

You knew what he was implying, you weren't that drunk. You turned to face Michael while laying yourself down, you reached for Michael’s hand. He moved his hand quickly back away from yours, he was taking extra precautions. 

"I’m not contagious Mikey." Drunken Y/n seemed to like using nicknames. 

"You are to me." Sober Y/n would have seen the deep and meaningfulness of Michael’s words. That if you touched him, he would immediately fall for you, and you were like a sickness, like a rash that he couldn’t get rid of. Yet you were not sober, you had had 6 wines. 

"I’m not" you stubbornly insisted. 

"Ok Y/n" he breathed out a sigh, he just wanted to sleep, but drink means you lose all sense of how to examine emotions. Michael shut his eyes but you kept blabbering.

"I haven’t got over you yet either, you know Mikey, I have this weird feeling thingy for you. I don’t know what to think of us, of you." There was a pause and he didn’t respond. He snuggled his head further into his pillow. "Sorry."

"For what?" he asked, he knew that now you had had a drink you were going to be honest and he was playing it to his advantage. "For fucking with your feelsings."  
"My feelsings?" He couldn’t help but laugh at your mispronunciation which forced his eyes open.

"Yes, feelsings" you said again. "It won’t happen Mikey" you said, referring back to the start of the conversation. 

"What wont?" he asked, now very sleepy, he wasn’t even trying.

“This."You slurred before you plunged your completely bollixed, lips onto his. It was probably awful; most drunk kisses are, moments of complete insanity. Michael moved his lips against yours; you just thanked some force that he didn't completely refuse you. You were trying so hard to regulate your lip movement, unsure what you actually wanted to achieve with this kiss. You clumsily moved yourself over, climbing into Michael's lap straddling him. You made the best attempt at deepening the kiss as you could. You shifted in order to do so, hearing Michael groan underneath you. You took it as a good sign. Breaking the awful kiss, Michael moved his attention to your neck, marking you up, either in passion or rage. Either way you had no objections, as you sunk into the feeling of his hot lips on your cool skin. Your kiss was shortly parted as Michael lifted up your dress roughly over your head. You were back straddling him in an upright position as you sat in his lap, legs flung around his waist. You couldn’t get back to Michael’s lips quick enough, you didn’t know if you were doing this for a bit of fun or what, you just knew you were drunk as fuck and Michael was hot. You moaned as Michael kissed your neck, he rolled you over so you were now lying underneath him. He worked his way down your body his mouth now kissing the outline of your bra, you hadn’t realised that his hand had made its way into your pants. You moved your hips upwards in rhythm with his hand. 

"Shit mike" you moaned. 

"Sssh" he hissed, smashing his lips back on yours. "They might hear you." he laughed between kisses.

"I don’t care Mikey" you breathed, trying not to let out another moan.

"No, Y/n, keep quiet." He didn’t laugh this time and had completely stopped kissing you. You heard footsteps coming up the stairs. You giggled at the thought of being secretive; this was all new to you.

"We have to go to sleep now." Mike whispered in your ear. 

"But we were just" you gave him a kiss "getting" another "started" then another. You were physically pushing yourself up into Michael who had tensed above you. There was no doubt Michael was as turned on as you were, but he was reluctant to start your messing about up again.

"Y/n I think one of the boys is in the corridor". You really didn't care, in fact the adrenaline of the fact Luke could be outside while you were more than happy to fuck Michael pumped you even more. "Y/n" Michael warned as you let out soft mewls.

Look Luke, I’ve kissed two guys tonight I'm so over you, you told yourself. (You always had been a great liar) .Mike slowly got off of you; you untangled yourself and led next to him. You pecked his lips, "Y/n stop" he chuckled.

"What? I’m being q--quiet" you joked, kissing him again. Now you had stopped all the passion, the slur was creeping back on you. 

Michael pecked your lips again. "Night y/n" he said, his mouth still leant against yours. This is what it would be like if he was your boyfriend, if you could bring yourself to be with him. You turned your back on Michael and unexpectedly he wrapped his arms around your waist as you snuggled further into him. In the back of your alcohol infused brain you wished Michael’s arms were Luke’s pale, always cold, lanky arms. You closed your eyes, drifting off into a deep slumber, wishing for something that was so far away.


	16. Chapter 16

You slowly opened your eyes, sticky with sweat and mascara. Ugh, you hated hangovers. You had a dry throat; you swallowed trying to clear it with no such luck. You were anchored to Michael, from what you remembered you had made a complete twat of yourself. Images of Freddie's green eyes and his soft kiss burned into your mind, then Michael’s rough kiss and hands. You sat up quickly untangling yourself from Michael before running to the toilet and puking up the regrets of the night before. You thought of Luke and how he could have heard you with Michael, how you slept in Michael’s bed, you gagged again. As you knelt on the floor, hanging your head in shame with sick clinging to your fringe, you felt a soft hand in your shoulder, rubbing in smooth circles. 

”You alright?”

”Of course I a-.” and off you were again, puking into the toilet.

”Sarcasm gets you nowhere.” he winked, Cal always made light of the situation.

”Thanks.” you said sarcastically again, Calum rolled his eyes. You felt like you were done with being sick and turned your back on the toilet and slumped yourself against it.  
”Rough night then?.” you nodded, gagging again but stopping yourself.

”Better out than in.” he laughed, you glared at him and he threw his hands up in defence. ”Where did you sleep last night?.” he asked, probably already knowing.

”Sofa.” You lied through your sick covered teeth.

”Sure sounded like it.” 

Your face dropped. ”You heard me and Michael?” you whispered, in desperation.

”No but making you think I did made you tell me the truth.”

”You’re such a pri-.” You couldn’t finish your sentence because you could feel your less than tasty burger coming up from your stomach and through your throat.  
Calum left the room in disgust, he was a good mate but he wasn’t that good that he would stick around for the sick. You wiped your mouth with the back of your hand and stumbled out of the bathroom, your head spinning more than it was last night. Tiredly you made your way downstairs and slumped onto the sofa, you hadn't felt this awful in ages. You knew Calum hadn't been the one who heard you and Mike last night, so it probably wasn't Charlotte. That left Luke or Ash, you hoped for anything it was Ash or neither and Mike was just being too conscious. Your phone was still upstairs so you couldn't even check your texts or twitter to see if anyone had said or seen again. You simply led back on the sofa verging on hung-over sleep, regretting your life choices. You soon heard footsteps coming down the stairs accompanied with Luke’s humming. You didn't want him to see you in this state, without him being there to tell you everything would get better, and that mistakes were okay. You thought the mistakes you'd made last night would never be okay. You threw a blanket over yourself and led fully down on the sofa trying to keep as still as you could. You thought your best bet was to pretend to be asleep. Luke walked in the room but stopped in his tracks when he saw you. He then slowly tiptoed forward and turned the telly on. It boomed out the loudest screeching noise that your brain just couldn’t deal with. ”Shit.” Luke murmured, obviously trying not to disturb you. He turned the telly down to 9, which was one of your talents, you could tell what volume level the telly was on without looking, such a loser, you thought.

Luke started watching Jeremy Kyle, you always knew he never understood it, being Australian and he quickly turned it over to SpongeBob. After a while nausea overrode you, your mind started spinning again. The word shit kept going over and over in your head until finally you gave in leaning over the side of the sofa as you threw up on the floor.   
You looked up at Luke, he lifted up his eyebrows. ”I knew you weren’t sleeping.”

”Oops.” You tried. Looking down at the mess you'd just made on the floor. You tried to get up, before the weight of your hangover pushed you back onto the sofa.

”I'll clean it.” Luke offered, already leaving the room to get some paper towels and water with soap. Luke always looked after you when you were sick, it felt so natural as you curled back up on the sofa as Luke handed you a sick bowl before cleaning up your puke. 

Charming.

”Good night I'm guessing?” Luke tried making conversion.

”I shouldn't drink wine.” You bluntly replied not wanting to go into details of the night. 

Luke finished cleaning up before walking back out of the room, when he returned he sat directly opposite the sofa you had habituated. Luke gave you puppy eyes, almost as if he was pleading with you. You couldn't help but think he was pleading you not to hurt him anymore. You both stayed in the comfortable silence you'd grown used to for a while before Luke broke the mood. 

”Nice hickey...” You fumbled around on your neck until you hit the bruised area, you didn’t know how you didn’t find it considering how sore it was.

”Fuck.” you whispered.

”I gave you better ones.” He said straight faced, sipping his cup of tea, and staring at the telly. SpongeBob couldn’t have been that interesting, but he was right, he did give better ones. You couldn’t believe you hadn’t even realised Michael had nearly bitten your neck off. You just needed to play it off as if Freddie gave it to you. 

”Freddie’s not a biter.” You wanted to play it off friendly, like banter, like before, but Luke wasn’t having any of it. He turned his head toward you, looking you straight in the eye; you knew that he knew, just by the look on his face.

”Michael is though, isn’t he?” You blinked a couple times, your mouth was dry and you tried to make it wet by licking your lips. That only meant that you could taste the last time you threw up, it made you gag causing you to then throw up into the bowl that Luke had just gotten you, you didn’t know if it was the guilt making you sick or the putrid smell of vomit.

”Did Mike know about Freddie?” Luke asked as if he had a right to know. He didn't so you weren't about to give him that satisfaction. You simply stared into your sick bowl disgusted in yourself.

“I heard you last night. You weren't even quiet, do you even know how much that hurt me?.” That set you off again, this time Luke moved over to you standing up rubbing your back while holding bits of your hair back. You'd hurt Luke, he'd admitted it. You felt awful in every way possible. .”I wish you were mine again.” Luke whispered so only you could hear. You wanted to tell him, that he was all you thought about. That no one compared to him. Instead you just gagged a few more times, before unattractively puking again. You were starting to think someone had something awful against you.

”We didn’t fuck you know.” You said through a groan, head still in the sick bowl. 

”I know.” he said, still rubbing your back, but now his other hand was holding back your fringe from your face.

”I know the sounds you make when you have sex.”

You couldn't help but feel embarrassed, but it made you chuckle a little as well. ”I’m sorry.” you said, your eyes were squinting a little from the light, it was hurting your head, Luke didn’t reply. ”Do you forgive me I’m really sorry Luk-” and you were sick again. Lukes back rubbing became more vigorous.

”Don’t talk, you'll just throw up.” he laughed.

You smiled the biggest you could in this situation. ”Please forg-.”

”I forgive you; just don’t be sick on me.” He sat down on the floor next to the sofa. His hand was off your back and now resting on your leg making little circles. 10 minutes after the last sick situation Luke thought it was suitable to start talking again. ”Did you have a nice night anyway?”

”With Freddie?” You asked as he nodded, looking a little down trodden. .”It was ok, I think...”

”Of what you can remember?”

You laughed,”It wasn’t as good as our first date Luke.” 

He turned to you, he wasn’t smiling but you could tell it made him happy. ”You were probably a lot drunker on our first date.” 

”Maybe because you paid for my 11 vodka shots.”

”I was being a gentleman.”

”Well you know I'm a cheap drunk.” Luke nodded; you could almost see memories flicking in front of his eyes.

He'd hurt you and you'd hurt him just as much. You still wanted a backup plan and some sort of education, but you wanted Luke as well. You wanted Luke to always be there to look after you and vice versa. You wanted to hold his hand again, feel his kiss and warmth again. You remember being told numerous times that if someone ever cheated on you to never get back with them because you deserved better. You didn't think it applied if you'd done the same, if you were as bad. You did think that Luke was it for you; you both just needed a little time. You wanted to tell him about going back to college; you wanted to share your ideas and dreams with at least one other person.

”I was thinking of doing A-levels again.” Luke creased his brow, you realised that he wouldn’t understand what they were, being a kangaroo.

”Like qualifications to get to Uni.” You verified.

“But you failed your last ones?” That upset you a little, considering him being a distraction was probably part to blame. 

”Yeah but I’ll try this time. Plus I didn’t fail them I just didn’t do as well as I should have.” It was like arguing with him to try and let you go to college, even though you were an adult now.

”Whatever.” He laughed. 

”Do you not fucking believe in me Luke.” You weren’t in the mood for this, considering you felt like your stomach was about to erupt.

”You said the same thing last time.” Luke tried, you were simply too sick to even reply.

You just groaned pulling your blanket up again. ”I'll talk to you about it when I don't feel so shit.” You muffled from under the blanket. 

”Okay then...” You could just picture him saying that sarcastically, even with your blanket pulled high.

The fact you'd opened up to him and he'd thrown it back into your face made you feel a different type of ill. You just shut your eyes pretending you were invisible to the world, ‘If Char can do it and still see Calum I can as well.' You thought over in your head reassuring yourself. Somewhere between you blocking things through in your brain and falling back to sleep, you heard Luke leave the room, leaving the TV on. 

When you woke up it was the afternoon and your sick bowl had been taken and another one was left below you. It was lucky because as soon as you woke you needed it.  
”You’re rougher than I thought.” Calum laughed, you wiped your chin, looking up to see Calum and Charlotte sat on the sofa opposite. Their fingers were intertwined with each other’s but they weren’t sat right on top of each like you and Luke usually were. Not in a sickly coupley way but more of a best friend way, that’s what it was really, best friends. You coughed and groaned in pain whilst throwing your head down onto the pillow. 

”Guessing you won’t be coming out with us lot tonight then.” You frowned at him, your head throbbing at the thought.

”Noooo.” You shouted into the pillow, it felt like you were trying to suffocate yourself.

”We’re all going out drinking.” 

”Don’t even say that word Cal.” 

”What? Drinking?” You gagged at the sound.

”Cal you could've told me yesterday and I could of postponed Freddie.”

”Must've slipped my mind.” You sighed, it sounded like the boys and Char were heading out to get smashed, and there was no way you were up for that.   
”You okay on your own?” Charlotte asked worriedly, probably noticing the permanent green colour your face was.

You nodded not wanting to push yourself too much. You really weren't okay on your own, drunk 5sos is fun when your also drunk, but if you're hung-over( which you'd never been when they were drinking) you can imagine it being far from fun, when possibly 4/4 could tumble in with girls on their arms.

”So when you going out?” Calum laughed at your tired, sick voice. Charlotte hit Calum’s arm and he pouted at her, it made her giggle. They were cute, you really couldn’t deal with cute right now unless it was with Luke and you even doubted if you’d be able to deal with that.

“A couple hours.” Calum finally replied.

”A couple of hours?!.” You scoffed, how long had you been asleep? You looked to the clock, it was half 5. 

”Why did no one wake me up?”

”You look so cute when you’re sleeping.” Calum laughed, Charlotte hit him again. 

Cal got out his phone and shined the light in your face, you had to squint but when you could finally make out what it was, you hit Calum’s arm. 

”Delete it!” It was a picture of you, lounged across the sofa, bits of sick in your hair.

”This will forever be my blackmail picture.” Calum was cracking up while looking at the picture.

You groaned, first you felt like shit then Calum was threatening to blackmail you, today was absolutely fantastic! Before you could reach for the phone to delete the picture again, Ashton barged into the room, changing the atmosphere. 

”I'm so down for shots right now!” He gestured to the boy’s excessive alcohol cupboard in the corner of the room. 

”Ugh keep it away from me”, you protested. 

Ashton looked at you in a state on the sofa before yelling out so loudly you were sure the whole street could here. 

”SHOTS IN THE LOUNGE!”

Both Luke and Michael bounded into the room together, both smiling which made you happier, they weren’t holding a grudge against each other, they were both with another couple of boys you had seen before but they were just mates of mates, Ashton shoved your legs off of the sofa before pouring a shot into the glass. 

”I’m out.” you stuttered. 

”You’re no fun.” Ashton blabbered; Luke smacked him round the head. ”Shut up.” 

”Oooh- touchy.” Ashton laughed.

You took the cover and stumbled out of the room into the kitchen. You grabbed a jar of chocolate spread and a glass of water, you ran your hand through your hair and as you pulled it out realised how greasy it was. ”Vile”, you whispered to yourself before wandering up the stairs. As you walked past the lounge hearing faint chants of 'DRINK DRINK DRINK!' you realised that you had chosen your new life, new boy and your own choices over the boys, they weren’t your boys anymore they were Charlottes. As you sulked in your room you tried so hard to keep your mind off the fact the boys were having a good time with Charlotte instead of you, it was proving impossible. You could hear the laughter from the lounge and over it all you could hear Lukes voice. He was talking nonsense, he wasn't great at holding his drink, so after what you'd assumed was 3/4 shots he'd already be loosening up. You really wanted to join them, but there was no way in the physical world that was happening. So instead you just wanted Luke to stay in, you wanted him to stay with you. He'd be hitting it hard tonight, it would be his first night out as a single man, and he had every right to do what he pleased with that title. 'You did this to yourself' you told yourself again, you could tell yourself the same thing hundreds of times and you'd never become numb to it. It was your own fault.

After a while Charlotte’s voice shouted upstairs. ”Bye Y/n!” 

Then Ashtons,”See you later loser!” followed by Cal’s”Love you, you bastard!” Neither Luke nor Michael called up. You thought even Luke may have, he usually did. He knew you hated it when he never said goodbye, he'd always tell you he loved you and he would force you to say it back just in case something happened. But there was no I love you, no goodbye, just a door slam. It was the first time you had been alone in the house in a long time, there was no noise of the boys bickering or the sound of Ash doing the dishes not even the sound of kids cartoons coming from the lounge.

You had decided way before you they left that you were going to stay up for them. Just so you knew everything that happened the night before. Your phone flashed up on the other side of the room, you reluctantly got off now Lukes bed and shuffled over to it. A shit load of twitter notifications and 5 new messages. The latest was from Charlotte, 'have a nice night’s sleep, you need it x x' yeah right, you thought .Procrastination from sleep in the house was a world of opportunity. You guessed the boys would be back around 3ish, and would probably stay up for a while when they came back. You bed hopped trying out each of the boy’s beds for comfort, it made you realise you either wanted to be back in Lukes or you wanted your own bed. You preferred the first option. You then flicked through twitter to see where the boys and Char had gone; they were in Central London in a club you recognised far too well. As you scanned through update accounts you realised they weren't alone, Niall was there with them. They sure would be having a good time.  
You then checked the time, 11pm. Time was dragging, and all you really wanted was for the boys to be back. You'd always hated the unknown. You moved yourself back into Luke’s room, you sat on what was once your bed and laid back. Your head was a lot clearer, it was ironic how as soon as everyone had left the house you'd decided to peak up. You just led for a while, not even thinking, not even trying to think, you just listened to the faint sounds of the outside and just stared at the blank white walls. You told Luke you always wanted to draw on the walls, it made everything look colourful but he wouldn't let you, he was always Mr Sensible, taking the responsible option. He would only let you write the words 'Y/n and Luke yo' behind the head board. You sat upright and pulled the headboard forward, yeah it was still there. Faded, but still there, like your real relationship. Wow you were getting deep.

Everything in the room reminded you of the relationship you missed. The pictures, the teddy he bought you, the anniversary card that still stood on his desk, the ticket of the first gig you went to see Luke at, the receipt of your first date. They all led around the room. You took in a deep breath and coughed a little at the stench. 

”Fuck this, I'm showering.” You said as if someone else was in the room, you had to leave Lukes room anyway, in case he brought a girl back. Showers were always a good place to think, more so when you were completely alone. As you combed your conditioner through your matted hair you thought about how Luke used to do this for you. Whether late at night or first thing in the morning, your showers were unforgettable. As you finished up your hair after rigorous conditioning you moved in front of the mirror. Staring at yourself, you couldn't even recognise who you were anymore. The girl looking back at you looked awful, she didn't have your smile, or the sparkle in her eyes. The girl looking back at you wasn't happy. You weren't happy. You would take argument after argument from Luke just to be able to rest in his arms after, but that wasn't going to happen tonight. He could bring a girl back, kiss her, and fuck her if he wanted. While you just had to wait in this god damned house, mulling over how fucked you'd managed to make things. As you got out of the shower towel drying your hair you pulled it into a wet bun on the top of your head. Just as your were about to figure out a safe place to wait out the rest of the night, which wouldn't drag up memories like Lukes room, you heard the front door slam open. There were giggles, loud voices and a tottering of heels that Charlotte on her own was not capable of. You reached over to check your phone: 2am. You'd overestimated them. You might have got one thing wrong but your other assumptions were proving themselves in your favour.

You had to decide where to go, you were in a towel, now stuck in the toilet and, you didn’t want to disappear into Lukes room because you didn’t want a repeat of the Calum situation. You heard Charlottes voice as she walked up the stairs.

”Calum ssh.” 

”No Chaaaar, we should get married.” Charlotte let out a giggle as well as you. You could imagine him hanging off of her arm as she led him to their bedroom.

Some more heels sounded coming up the stairs with a pair of male footsteps, your body froze.”Which room Ash?” she flatly laughed. 

”One on the left.” you ewwed in silence, Ash naked and being dirty made you cringe. 

You waited for a while to listen out for Luke and Michael coming up the stairs and past the bathroom but they never did and you were cold and wet so you crept out of the bathroom into the hallway to be met by a very glassy eyed, stumbling Luke. He reminded you of yourself just one night ago.


	17. Chapter 17

"You ma-made it look so easy" Luke slurred.

You didn't know what you made look easy, nothing you did felt easy recently. You stared up at him, he wasn't in a state to have a serious conversation, well at least one he'd remember. You thought back thinking of all the times you'd been drunk with Luke, he'd been loud and cheerful, tonight he looked beaten down. 

"Luke you need to go to sleep...” You slowly said careful not to piss him off. 

"I tried to bring her back, I did...” Luke slurred again.

So that's what this was about, revenge. He didn't bring anyone back though, you had never been more relieved in your life. Tears were starting to form in your eyes, you could feel yourself becoming more and more tired. 

“I just wan-wanted to get over you" You had no response to him or his cries, he held his one hand on the bannister trying to keep his stance, all you could think of was how there was a girl at some stage that he was drunkenly kissing. 

"Go to bed Luke" is all you could say, there was no use in pouring your heart out to him, he would just forget it in the morning.

Luke stumbled backwards a little. "I-I just want to be with you". 

Considering you were still in a towel with only your skin and nothing else underneath you didn’t really want to carry on the conversation in the hallway. A small creek came from the bottom of the stairs. "Oh fuck" You whispered.

"What?" Luke asked, like a child.

Michael was making his way upstairs and you had to make a rash decision. You rushed across towards Luke, the back of your towel unravelling and only holding onto it at the front with one hand and pushing Luke into your bedroom with the other, you quickly led Luke to his bed, just sitting him down on it. Once you heard Michael's footsteps pass your room, you deemed it safe to carry on the narrow conversation. Michael’s footsteps were singular as they passed, you wondered guiltily if it was for the same reason as Luke. You quickly reached into one of Luke’s drawers, checking he was still upright on his bed behind your shoulder, you pulled a pair of your underwear out from your drawer slipping them on under the towel, before then grabbing one of Luke’s white tee-shirts which hung off you, placing it over your body before dropping the towel. You walked back over to Luke sitting beside him on the bed, he looked like a lost puppy all wide eyed and frowning. 

"Luke, I'll talk to you when your sober, please go to sleep. I'll take the sofa, just sleep." You had no indication from Luke of how much had just gone into his brain, as he still sat in a helpless trance.

"Please sleep with me" he meant it so innocently, he just wanted to feel you again, to have someone to hold. Completely different to how you felt towards Michael the other day, when you asked Michael to sleep with you, straight away you meant a fuck, a plain and simple fuck. You wanted to feel Luke again how he wanted you. "I c-cant" you stuttered out, you didn’t want to be one of these girls who naïvely got back with their cheating ex. You just wanted to be brave and stubborn and keep away from him but you couldn't, not for much longer anyway. 

In the silence you heard a pair of delicate female footsteps form outside your door, pass it and into Michael’s. "He doesn't care about you like I do" Luke was right, his drunken slurs were making sense. Michael could fuck someone else and not care for you, but Luke never could. That had put things straight in your mind, Luke hadn't brought anyone home because he was incapable of doing it. To Michael you were probably an easy fuck, to Luke you were so much more. You loved him with all you were. "Y/n...." Luke was pleading with you. You really couldn't sleep with him, it would purely be sleeping but you knew it would put you right back at square one. Instead you helped Luke get into his side of the bed pulling his jeans off as you knew he couldn't sleep in them. Luke groaned in the late realisation you weren't getting in beside him. To quieten him you bent over him pressing your lips to his, tasting the vodka off of his mouth. He wouldn't remember in the morning, but his immediate reaction despite his drunkenness proved that you didn't care. You slowly pulled off, it was one of the worst kisses you'd ever had, but it was the most meaningful. 

"Night, love you." You said to Luke making your way over to the sofa, "I love you too..." you heard as you settled yourself in, smile on your face. You plonked yourself down onto the sofa and throw the very thin, unwarming blanket over yourself. You only realised how uncomfortable the sofa really was until you had to sleep on it, for a moment you thought about giving in and snuggling into the bed next to Luke. Just the other night Luke slept on the sofa, without a moan, and he was much taller than you were. He only did it for you because you didn’t want him to get in bed with you. Everything Luke did was for you and it made you feel unbelievably guilty. You fell into an uneasy, awkward sleep only to woken up a couple hours later to loud moans and groans that you could swear were coming from every angle of the house, you turned your head to check on Luke but his body was no longer in the bed. Panic surged through your body, Luke was drunk and probably alone. 

You walked out of the room after checking the bathroom, which was void of Luke. The walk from the room to the stairs was torturous, it felt like you'd stepped into a porn site. You made a note to never let it slip your mind as future blackmail. You checked the kitchen first as soon as you were downstairs, wondering if Luke had gone to get himself a glass of water. As soon as you were viewing an empty kitchen you heard the quiet buzz of the TV from the lounge. You walked in to see Luke in the exact position you'd expect, feet up, water in his hand, eyes glued to the TV. 

"Its 4am Luke" you said, as if his mother.

"Yes" he simply replied, obviously knowing what he was doing. You tried to figure out what state he was in and where he was on the scale of being drunk. There was an empty packet of crisps on the floor and the glass of water meant he must have been a little more sober than he was before.

"Why you down here?" he asked, slowly moving his head toward you trying to take his eyes off of the TV. 

"Came to find you" you yawned, you were so tired and having had only 2 hours sleep was making your head spin a little. 

"Go to bed y/n" his actions and behaviour was suggesting to you that he had sobered up a lot.

"Do you even remember last night?" You didn’t even know whether you could even class it as last night. 

He rolled his eyes at you. "No and I don't want to know ok." You couldn't figure out if the Luke you were seeing now was the way he felt toward you or what his drunken state was saying last night. You stared at him, wondering if he was being serious. The way his eyes weren't leaving the TV while you stood across the room aimlessly told you he was. You took the message and headed back up to Luke’s room, you debated getting into his bed to hold onto some of him.

You didn't. 

You snuggled back into the sofa, wondering how things could have changed so drastically in a few hours. Alcohol was supposed to speak sober minds, even past sober Luke told you he would fight for you. As you led staring up at the ceiling blocking out mattress' squeaking you wondered what in Luke’s mind had changed.   
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The next time you awoke the house was silent. No more moaning or headboard banging. Luke still wasn’t in his bed. You didn’t know what to do from this point on, if you couldn't have a conversation with Luke without him getting grumpy then what could you do. You did have to take into consideration that Luke was a very moody morning person and would always be in a grump with you for no reason which would start of conflict in the mornings. You reached over across the floor, stretching as far as you could without actually having to get off of the bed, to Luke’s laptop. You were definitely going to do it this time. You couldn't give two shits at this point in time what anyone thought. You opened it up and went straight for the college site. Enrolled yourself in, clicked what A-Levels you wanted to do: Law, Drama, English and Psychology and answered a few other questions about age, lifestyle and money. A few were difficult to answer such as household income and carer’s emergency number because you just didn’t know what to put. You left them blank and carried on, once you reached the end, they gave you a time for an interview and you were happy as larry you couldn't hide it off of your face. You shut down the laptop not before deleting the history, for reason unknown to even yourself. 

As soon as you finished a less than happy looking Luke came into the room. “I feel sick" is all he said.You could have laughed if it wasn't for the cute little frown on Luke’s face. You knew he'd be hung-over but he looked awful. 

“Thought you would be" you looked up at him from his sofa. 

"You could've had my bed" Luke said dodging your statement. You shook your head, in response to Luke but also at Luke. Being hung-over was awful, seeing other people hung-over was laughable. 

Luke sat down on his bed looking the same green colour you had looked yesterday, he took a few deep breaths before continuing. "Just saw a girl leaving here, I’m guessing everyone pulled." Oh he must have been really drunk to not even remember everyone bringing someone back apart from him. 

"It wasn't a pleasant night for me" you laughed. Luke shot you a look which screamed pity on his part, you didn’t want his pity, and you didn't want anything from him apart from his love and preferably his support. 

“What time did we get in?" he asked, sitting on the side of his bed putting his head in his hands and between his legs, you pulled in your eyebrows.

"Thought you didn’t want to know anything about it, huh?" you replied, a little more snidely than you expected it to come out. He rolled his eyes back so far you thought he was going to faint. 

"Shut up" he said, whilst taking off his t-shirt. He made sure his back was to you and he quickly slide a clean one on. 

"Luke I've seen you topless" he didn’t reply. He stood awkwardly for a while, you knew he was waiting to ask something. 

"Y/n?" you looked up from your phone that you were lazily scrolling through. "Can you leave while I get changed?" You realised that he was wanting to change his underwear and didn’t want to take them off in front of you. 

You scoffed out a laugh before stopping yourself when you found he was being serious. "Luke? I've see-"

"Please" you knew he was self-conscious but as you had been with him for so long you didn’t know how bad it was. "I'll say when you can come back in.” You nodded, you weren't going to protest. You stepped outside and waited by the door to be called back in. As you stood outside you started to panic about how much things were actually changing. You were off to college and now Luke didn't even want you to see him shirtless. You could've banged your head countless times against the wall if it wasn't for Luke calling you back in. As you walked back in you saw Luke had changed into some sweatpants and was sat on the sofa you'd slept on. You stood awkwardly in front of Luke not really wanting to sit next to him, if he was being dismissive towards you.

"So last night...” You tried again in a joking tone to see if Luke remembered anything. 

"I got very drunk" Luke still wasn't having any of it. 

"You seriously can't remember anything? You cut in impatiently. 

"I can remember some of it" His tone of voice was as if he was even questioning himself. You stood in front of him as if you were a personified ellipsis, wondering if he was going to continue. 

"And..." you nudged at him. 

“I remember leaving, getting to the club and drinking some more then it’s all a blur really y/n" He chuckled at himself but was confused as to why you weren't laughing with him. “I wasn’t embarrassing was I?" He laughed again. 

"No" you sighed. "Not at all" you were trying not to cry. 

"So what happened when I got home?" 

The more questions the more you remembered, you wished you never asked if he knew what happened. I don’t know" you answered, obviously lying. You just wished he remembered what he told you. 

"Are you alright y/n?" he asked now standing up from the sofa. He strode toward you and put his hand on your shoulder, not even a hug nor a kiss, just a hand on the shoulder. 

"I'm just perfect" you pushed his hand off. You may have been being a little dramatic but you had held everything in for too long. 

"Y/n what did I do?"

"You definitely didn't pour your heart out to me and then forget that it ever happened.” You humourlessly laughed. Luke paled, his eyes squinting like they did when you brought up bad memories. You were a bad memory now if that look was anything to go by, how fucking marvellous.

"What did I say?" Luke demanded.

"Nothing, really" You bluntly replied wishing you hadn't ran your mouth. 

"Y/n" Luke demanded, taking another step towards you. You were so close now, you could feel his warmth, the warmth you missed. 

"Luke don't, you were drunk, you didn't mean it, I get it, we’re over." You rushed out trying to dig yourself out of the emotional hell hole you'd put yourself in. Luke reached for your hand, grabbing them before you even had a chance to pull away. 

"Tell me..." Luke slowly said, squeezing your fingers. The pain distracted you from that in your heart, you never wanted Luke to let go. 

"It was just how you weren’t able to bring a girl back and, it's understandable, I get that, it was nothing." Your words fumbled out. He bit his lip, trying to think or even remember. 

"Oh" he whispered. "Is that everything?" he asked. 

You couldn't lie to that face. His eyes weren’t as blue as they were before, as if they were fading before your own eyes. "You said you wanted to be with me again" you trailed off. You could hear Luke’s’ breath in the dead silence of the room. 

"I'm sorry" he mumbled. "I was dru-" 

“I know" you cut him off, you just wanted to know the truth. You wanted sober Luke and Michael to sit in a room and you wanted them to shout at you there feelings even though you didn’t know how you exactly felt or who wanted you to be with, you needed them to tell you first. That was so selfish, but it's what you needed. "I totally get it though, we all make mistakes when we're drunk" you falsely smirked at Luke in a way which screamed 'please tell me I wasn't a mistake’.

Luke obviously missed your point completely, tensing up before dropping your hands. "Sorry again". 

That wasn't enough for you. The fact he was being so damn stubborn about things made you want to rip your hair out, it was frustration at an all-time peak. You scanned over the boy you once knew like the back of your hand, parts of him were changing in ways you couldn't imagine. You were losing parts of your puzzle to piece him together, when all you really wanted to do was find them. 

"Y/n, you look awful, you sure you're okay?" Luke questioned, he had no idea.

"Not really but there's nothing you can do ay" You played it off laughing a little at your own patheticness. 

"You’re an idiot." Luke said, whilst shaking his head. "We may not be together but it doesn't mean you can’t talk to me." It does, you thought, when I want to talk to you about my feelings, about how you will never admit to me what you want in a sober state, when I want to tell you that I still love you and I want to kiss you from head to toe. You just smiled, scared to even say a word in case it scared him away. "You still mean a lot to me."

I used to mean everything you thought, it was me and you against the world, and if you just spelled out how you felt it could go back to that. "You do too, always will" you replied not wanting to be too obvious. 

"Mike brought someone back, didn't he?" Luke asked imminently as if he'd been waiting for a moment to ask/remind you. 

"Yeah, guess he did" You weren't as bothered as you thought you'd be, sure it hurt you a bit seeing as Luke hadn't done that to you, but Luke had always meant something different to you. 

"You’re not pissed off?" 

You scoffed, "Would I have any right to be, seriously Luke!"

"Don’t you guys like have a thing though?" He asked, you guessed that he didn’t actually think that, he just was trying to be nosey. 

"Well we kind of did then we didn’t then we did and now I guess we don’t" You even confused yourself by your answer. 

"Do you like him?" This was strange now, Luke was not your councillor he was your ex. 

"I did" 

"So now?" 

You just shook your head and turned away from him pretending as if you were tidying the room up but you were actually just trying to avoid eye contact. 

"So why did you...” he trailed off, you huffed. 

"I was drunk and horny so I-" Luke let out a quiet chuckle, you smiled in his direction. He was literally the most childish person you knew and that's why you loved him.

"What about Freddie?" you forgot about him, you hadn't even properly checked your phone in days.

“I don’t want to talk about me and other people" you stated. It was terribly awkward. 

"Why not?" 

"Well, how would you like it if I kept badgering on about Georgie?" his face dropped, that was pretty low. Luke soon lifted it to a little smirk, you didn't like the direction this was heading in. You stopped in your tracks to hear what bullshit he was going to come out with now. 

"I would have no objections, seeing how you dumped me." You thought you had been low, Luke was now just being a prat. 

You huffed, letting out a little fake laugh. "We still not over that" you tutted. Luke should have known fully well by now how you felt about him, after all who can get over someone that quickly? 

Luke eyed you, "Not something I'm really gonna get over is it?” Luke had twisted you into the wrong.

"So how is she then", you weren't about to be played as the bad guy. 

"She’s fine, great actually" You could see you were both playing up to each other's nasty comments, but you were too stuck in the moment to be mature about it and you were stooping down to his level. "How’s Freddie doing? Better in bed than me?" He was being defensive but playing if off as being mean and plain malicious.

"Anyone can be better in bed than you Luke" It just came out if your mouth like a downpour, the bitchy side of you was showing and you didn’t like it. 

"Georgie disagrees" You were both throwing everything you had at each other. 

"I'm seeing him tonight actually" You skimmed over Luke’s comment as if it never happened, you weren't seeing Freddie that night but you’re sure you could make it happen 

"Where’s he taking you, for a Macy ds?" He scoffed as if he was laughing at you and it was making you embarrassed.

"You're an actual knob when it comes to things like this!" You said sternly, feeling like you were telling him off. 

"A knob?" he scoffed.

Remembering he didn’t know the English slang you had to reiterate for him. "A knob, a prick, a twat, a whole hearted bastard, a lying cheating fucking scum bag son of a bitch." You were crying at this point as the words flung out and hit Luke straight in the heart. You were expecting something back, anything, but you had gone too far. He just nodded his head and let out a pity laugh. "I'm sorry Luke I just-" 

"Its fine y/n," He said pushing past your arm. "Have fun with Freddie."

"Luke...” You turned around and grabbed his arm only to be pushed away. 

"Do you want to leave now, ring your boyfriend or something, and maybe apply for college with no background or grades?" You could've hit him, as soon as he said it you saw his face fall like yours had, it didn't excuse it though. 

"You know what fuck you Luke." You whimpered through gritted teeth, "And for your knowledge I've already applied, got an interview as well." Luke looked torn, he didn't care if you went back to college, what he cared about was that if you got back together you wouldn't be around 24/7, he'd let you know that too many times. Before he had a chance to reply  
You opened his door and left his room, walking downstairs to find the bottom floor empty, the boys still all nursing guaranteed hangovers.


	18. Chapter 18

You reached for your phone in your pocket that you'd just picked up and brought up Freddie's number. 'Any plans today? I'm bored but sober ;)'. If seeing you with other people was what wound Luke’s feelings for you up, seeing other people was exactly what you were going to do. You quickly got a reply back, "I’m not busy, maybe we won’t drink this time? ;)" you laughed as you slung yourself down onto the sofa absorbed into your phone. A sudden rush of anxiety came over you as you couldn't remember what had happened that night, only the flashes of the simple kiss you gave him at the end of the night. The texts flew back and forwards, you sorted out where and when. He would pick you up, again down the road. You did offer to drive to his but he kindly refused. You would go over to his for 7 o'clock and watch films and chill. What a cliché, "Come over and chill”, chill? Like that was what you were going to be doing. After a while you realised that you had been doing this to get at Luke, you felt sorry for Freddie, you were kind of playing him but in the state of anger that you were in at Luke, you just didn’t care. You chilled for a bit, trying to get yourself in the right mind-set for the night before heading back upstairs to get ready. You knocked on Luke’s door to get your clothes and makeup to then head to the main bathroom to doll yourself up, you wanted to make yourself look fuckable even if you were not prepared to fuck Freddie. Luke opened his door reluctantly, you pushed straight past him reaching into your drawer, you'd already opted for a pair of your black ripped skinny jeans and an off cut top. You searched, feeling Luke’s eyes on you. As soon as you grabbed your clothes and your makeup you swivelled on your feet, prepared to not even utter a word to Luke. 

You were just about to waltz back out again in the manner you'd came in before Luke's crackled voice halted you, "You're actually going out with Freddie.....", you felt terrible, he was broken. 

"Yep" you said, exaggerating the p, he hated that, always had. 

He just nodded slowly, "What you doing?" 

"Going to his a bit later" you trailed off. 

The Luke that you left in that room was not the one you just walked in on. You awkwardly readjusted the items in your hands, some of the bits of make-up falling to the floor.

Luke rushed to your side to pick them up, "You don't need all this make-up y/n" he changed his tune from before, he was fucking indecisive. He leaned down to pick up the make-up, and as he appeared back up his eyes were in line with yours. 

"You’ve been crying" you stated bluntly. His eyes were red and blotchy, and were patchy underneath from where he rubs them when he cries. He placed the make-up back into your palm and turned his back on you, rubbing his eyes again in the process. "Don’t rub them Luke, you know it irritates them." he didn't respond, he just ran his hands over his face then through his hair. "Why were you crying Luke?” 

He swung his body to face you and after a short silence answered "Because I miss us" the sober, maybe not completely sane, but definitely sober Luke finally said it. You felt every part of the facade of strength you'd built up start to crumble, you were completely gone for this idiot in front of you.

"Luke, you know how I feel about this...”

"No, I don't y/n, you tell me I mean something to you but you're going on dates with guys as well." 

You sighed, Luke should know that you would always chose him. "They are just dates, what you and I have Luke, makes me free. The reason I am dating is because what we have is hurting both of us, were spiting each other to get reactions." You knew you weren't making much sense, but it's all you could really do. 

"Can't you just set things straight with me" Luke wiped his eyes, anxiously. You had no clue what to say, you didn't like the separation you two were experiencing, but you didn't like the way either of you were treating each other presently. Royal confusion seemed to be a summary of what you were experiencing. 

"I miss you but-" 

"Why does there always have to be a but?" You questioned yourself for a while at his question, you were always so complicated. "Just tell me what you’re thinking" 

You sighed, "Do you have to act like my fucking therapist Luke”, it was a bit snide but you were telling him what you thought.

“I just want us to talk like normal people, like you wanted!" 

You huffed, dropping your items on the floor and sat right on the pillows of Luke’s bed, your back against the head board. He sat down next to you, swinging his legs up in front of him. You brought your knees up to your chest, not turning your head to look at Luke.

"So..." he broke the silence, again. 

You shrugged your shoulders. 

"You're so annoying" he huffed.

"You know I am crazy for you" you didn't even look to Luke but you could picture his smile splitting his face. 

"Well obviously it's mutual" Luke replied as if this could be that easy. 

You thought carefully about what to say next. "But Luke you did cheat on me, and yes I basically did as well, but you had no reason and every opportunity to. And we fight like hell, your two different people with me and I hate it. I miss my Luke." You turned to look at Luke at that, his eyes were blown wide, you knew he was internally questioning himself.

"And what about you? I never thought you'd be one to see other people to make me jealous, especially seeing as you know about my issues with trust in relationships" Luke fired at you, it was like a rerun of the past weeks arguments. It seemed determinative, Luke had had past problems with girls cheating on him in the past, and you promised him you would never do that, but then again he'd promised the same thing. It seemed no matter how hard you both tried to move on, the cheating just caused a massive diversion that you were staring to worry would never be cleared. 

"I'm not dating Freddie to despise you" you half lied, you did kind of fancy Freddie but then again you just kind of wanted Luke, and wanted something to take your mind off of him, he was your distraction. 

"I'm not talking about Freddie" Neither of you wanted to say his name. 

"Well I don’t want to talk about him, that's done with, it's all done with." 

"He was my best friend" he separated each other word with a deep breath in-between.

"He still is your best friend." 

"No" he scoffed. "No he fucking isn't" You had torn apart two best mates, and their band.

"It’s my fault, not his" 

"Oh, so he just fell on your vagina" You cringed so hard, you cheeks immediately shone a red blush. 

"Can we not talk about him please" Luke nodded and mouthed a whatever. You were both still sat next to each other in the middle of the dark room, the curtain still not drawn. The room had a stench of slight sick coming from it with a mix of Luke’s aftershave. "You need to tidy up your room." 

"Our room" he corrected, scanning the place. Clothes, underwear, food wrappers, empty cd cases, you name it were lying around the floor.

"If we’re not together I can’t keep staying in here." 

"Where else will you stay" he wasn't asking, more stating that there was nowhere else, you shrugged. You had no idea. “My sofa is free..." You squirmed at the idea of even staying another night on that sofa, it was degrading and simply made you feel out of place.

"I can't bed hop anymore...” You replied averting his question, that was too risky plus you hated waking up to one of the other boys wishing it was Luke. 

"I've said it before but you can just come back to sleep me with me" he sounded like drunken Luke again, clinging to small hopes. 

You could actually consider it this time seeing as Luke was sober and being honest. Would sharing a bed with Luke be considered strange seeing as you weren't technically together? Luke didn't think so seeing how he still referred to his room as 'ours'. Where else could you go? You could leave point blank, but that would mean separating yourself from the band, something your inner self was begging you not to. 

"I'd love to sleep in our bed again but I just...” Luke rolled his eyes again. You were being complicated. “I just don't want to fall for you completely over again yet with us not being together" He nodded as if he understood, but he didn’t. "And what if you wanted to bring a girl back I'd just be in the way"

"I can’t get with other girls and bring them back, I told you that" he whispered, it was bit embarrassing like you were emotionally stripping him. 

"You said you didn’t remember what you said to me last night." 

"Bits are coming back" he dug his feet in the duvet. You brought yours further to your chest, your chin was practically leaning on your knees. "Sorry" he mouthed, you could tell he was embarrassed, it was all over his face, the way his eyebrows raised upwards and he pretended to scratch his head so that his arm covered his face. You didn’t like seeing him upset so you wanted to brighten up his day. 

"I'll stay in the bed, just no, no funny business" You decided as he laughed, bringing his hand down from his head. "I might not be coming back tonight though, so don't wait up." You scrunched up your face waiting for the backlash of your words. His feet fidgeted beneath the cover. 

"You're still going to see him?"

"Yeah, and I should be getting ready now...." You stared at the clothes still in your arms. 

"I just admit that I can't bring anyone back and you admit you might not be coming home tonight. Things are mutual eh?" Luke laughed, you saw through it, saw straight through to the boy who was begging you to stay with him.

The makeup in your arms showed a completely different side of you, opposite to the one you were used to. Bare feet around Luke changed to heels, laughter lines turned to eyeliner, experience changed to first times. Suddenly Freddie only seemed half as appealing as to when you'd walked in. You twisted your hair in your fingers, sensing Luke waiting for a reply, to prepare some self-comeback. 

"I don't really want anything to happen Luke." 

"Don't really? Great choice of words to reassure me"

"Ok not at all, I don’t want anything to happen."

"Then don't go." His pleading blue eyes, and slightly pursed lips were slowly changing your mind.

You patted down your body for the outline of your phone. You lifted up your bum to pull it out from your back pocket. You unlocked it, Luke peering intensely over your shoulder. You pulled up Freddie's message thread. A bit embarrassed of the texts that Luke could see, imagining if he saw the ones further up. ‘Sorry I can’t come tonight x x’ you wrote out, then deleted and rewrote. ‘Something’s come up, I'm sorry x x’ you deleted that one as well. ‘Not able to come tonight, maybe another day x’ you sent the last one, trying not to think too much.   
You turned to Luke, "I'm not going now" you stated, both knowing he had obviously just read your text. 

"You didn’t have to." 

"I did." you smiled. Luke used the opportunity of leaning over you to scoot his body nearer to yours, his closeness made your decision seem like the best you'd ever made.


	19. Chapter 19

"So I would offer to take you out seeing as you'd already picked out an outfit." 

"We were going to watch a film or something" you hinted.

Luke brought his arm up as to give you a hug or pull you down against the bed, you could see his inner conflict as he chose against it. "I can do films" he said instead. 

You couldn't resist anymore, you threw yourself at Luke nestling your head into his chest. His arms wrapped around your exterior, you wouldn't have ever thought a hug would feel this amazing. You felt at home. 

You swung your legs over his, "Can we take things slow Luke, just friends for now" your voice crackled out. 

"Friends? This looks like friends" he laughed, looking down at you. You nudged his side. It was partially cold in Luke’s room and you were only wearing an oversized top, Luke felt your shivers. "Want to go downstairs? Its warmer down there" he asked, usually he would ask if you wanted his jumper, or he would cuddle in closer. Not now, you were just friends. 

You nodded shyly, taking your legs off of him and swinging them completely off the bed. Luke led you out of the room, the house was still silent, and you wondered if the boys were even home. You led down onto the sofa and turned on the telly, Luke winched at the sound. 

"Oh not over last night?"

"Oh shut up." He laughed, throwing his body weight next to yours. "Want to watch Anchorman with me in a completely friendly way?" Luke laughed again, tucking his legs up into the sofa, your positions were intertwined, not in your normal way but you couldn't deny the connection. 

"Sure Luke" you laughed back at him, feeling his feet tapping against yours in anticipation. You grabbed the remote pulling up Netflix, and Anchorman as if you hadn't already seen it tons of times with Luke.

"Love this film" Luke stated as if you didn’t already know. 

"I know." You gave him a knowing look.

"Maybe turn the volume down just a little more" Luke winced as the opening titles starting rolling, you obliged to his hung-over wishes. As the colours and laughs merged, Luke began to thrive off of the film, you began to thrive off of Luke. Yours and Luke’s feet began to play their own game of footsies as they intertwined each other like you and Luke were, you readjusted your body awkwardly. 

"You alright?" he asked, pausing the TV. He was one of those, the type to not want to miss a second of a film, even if it was the 30th viewing.

"I'm good." You smiled, you were good, brilliant in fact, for the first time in a very long time.  
"Good." He smiled.

"Good" you replied back, trying to hide your smirk. Luke stared at you for a while his lips parted ever so slightly, his nose wriggled to the side a little as he rolled in his lips. "Luke...” you chuckled. “Play the movie...” 

"Oh yeah, sorry, sorry" he mumbled.

He adjusted back into his position quickly and played the film. In the corner of your eye you could see Luke’s arm hover as he internally fought whether he should put it over your shoulder or not, you thought you'd save him the agro and snuggled into him anyway, as you did he placed his arm on the top of yours and drew random patterns with his fingers as he watched the film. 

Not even 20 minutes in you were rudely interrupted by the asshole band members that had a bad sense of timing. "Yoo!" Ash Called.

"What we watching?!" Charlotte wasn't attached to Cal, she was probably hung-over at Uni. You loved that girl but in the now with your boys it was just like old times.

"Anchorman." Luke looked up arm still around you although the patterns had stopped for the meanwhile. 

Ash and Cal gave out little sounds of excitement before collapsing onto the opposite sofa, you swore only they could get so excited over a film. Michael however placed himself at the other end of the couch you and Luke were snuggled on, making you shiver in tension as you felt his thigh against your bare foot as he sat. Luke started the film again, all the boys threw themselves into it in concentration, but you couldn't stop sneaking glances at Michael, wondering if he was just being intrusive on purpose, like seriously there was an armchair two steps away. Ashton looked over to you and Luke, you caught his stare, he'd obviously expected you to be focused on the film.

He pulled out his phone and started texting, you felt your phone in your back pocket vibrate almost immediately. You had to awkwardly wriggle between Luke and Mike to pull it out from your pocket. Text from Ash: nice to see Luke and u happy together again.

So much for trying the whole friend’s image. You gave Ashton a smirk across the room before replying "i snuggle with Calum all the time, still just friends mr.irwin" 

He looked down at his phone, leaving a smile on his lips. You thought it would be obvious that you two were texting but the rest of the boys were way too into the film. Your phone screen lit up a little too bright for your eyes, Luke used to tell you to turn it down for when you were texting in bed because it would give him a headache. You were going to have to start doing that now since you were sleeping with him again.

"Calum isn't your ex though mrs y/l/n" He was so right, was it odd that you were both cuddling on the sofa. 

It was odd for you considering you had fucked both boys either side of you. You shook your head at Ash and showed him a ‘you don't know what you’re talking about’ look before exaggerating the fact you were putting your phone away.

Before you could tuck it into your pocket it vibrated again. "Michael keeps staring at you by the way", you rolled your eyes at the text, but you were strangely happy about it. Maybe you just liked the attention for once.

You hadn’t even realised that Luke’s patterns had started again, you turned to him so your face was next to his. You watched his little smile light up as he chuckled at the immature jokes, you liked this, you really fucking liked him. You dropped your head back down into Luke, feeling Ash's eyes on you, you didn't really care. This was natural. You focused on the rise of Luke’s body every time he would laugh, the way his hands would jitter then return to their smooth movements. Before you knew it the films was ending, you didn't even have to look at the TV to see the credits, Luke’s frown was telling enough.

Michael spoke up moving his thigh against your foot again, almost brushing you to his attention. "So, anyone doing anything tonight?" 

"Going to Chars." "Sleeping." Cal and Ash said respectively.

You gazed up at Luke, waiting for him to answer for you. You had planned on having a night together after all. Luke didn’t say anything except his lips lifted slight smirk on them. Your gaze faded away from Luke and back the boys, smirking also. You were only smiling because of Luke’s smile but it seemed a little more suspicious than you wanted. 

"Am I going to be able to sleep? With you two hanging out again...” Ash laughed.

"Glad I’m not home." Cal turned to Ash and it seemed as if they did a telepathic high five.

"No, we’re friends, doing friends stuff, as friends." He looked down at you smugly, the over use of "friends" for your benefit.

"What you doing Mike?" You asked, casually, you just wanted to hold a conversation with him despite the awkwardness. You rubbed your foot on his thigh to gain his attention but stopped when you could feel him tense up. 

"Nothing." He replied, not even looking your way.

“Not going out?" Cal added in feeling your awkwardness.

"What do you think?!" Michael tensed again. 

The interband tension was sky high and you couldn't help but feel to blame. Luke pulled you in closer feeling your distress, it really didn't help. You had no clue why Mike was being so awkward but you didn't like it.

Cal stood up interrupting your thoughts, "Going to see Char." He excused as he walked out of the room. Michael stood up and followed him also, purposely moving his leg so it wouldn't touch you. 

As soon as they'd left Ash looked to you and Luke "So friendly friends what's happening here?!"

"Friends." Luke laughed.

"Friends." You added.

"Can we stop saying friends?" Ash joked.

"Friends." You and Luke both said in unison, he looked down at you and laughed then snuggled you in even closer. 

"People who aren't dating don’t do that." He put an emphasis on the ‘that’.

"Me and charlotte snuggle." You said, with a sly smirk on your face, repeating your point you made in the texts. You went to pull away from Luke to sit up but he grasped your arm and pulled you back into him. 

"But you're girls." He rolled his eyes.

"Sexist!" You and Luke both called. 

"See that's so fucking coupley, you both keep saying the same thing at the same time."

"Not as sad as when you and Brianna used to finish off each other's sentences." Luke didn’t do it on purpose but the name of Ash's ex made him wince, he laughed anyway, to go along with the joke.

"Where’s Mike even gone?" you asked, a little concerned for him in the upset state he was obviously in.

"Who cares?" Luke whispered under his breath, Ash huffed at his comment. 

"I seriously don't know how many times I have to say this but you guys are the best of mates, before me and above me." You didn't care if it was a touchy subject, you just wanted the boys to be friends again.

"I can't after-" Luke began.

"It was in the past it's not going to happen again and please just stop bringing it up." It was beginning to infuriate you now, if Luke couldn't move past the fact you and Michael had a history you didn't know how to move forward. You slid yourself out from Luke’s grasp just to let him know that you were serious. Luke frowned with his loss, staring away from you to Ashton.

"She's right mate." Ashton told him purposefully. You could see the decision being made as Luke shifted his body on the sofa. 

Luke sat up a little as well, his legs now placed over your lap. "I know she's right, it's just hard Ash." You hit his leg playfully, letting him know you weren't completely pissed off with him. 

"I'm still here." You laughed.

He shook his head, “I know." He said apologetically “Sorry." He murmured, giving a look of approval.

"You’re whipped Lukey!" Ash shouted, not even looking up from his phone. You gave Luke a sly little look as he rolled his eyes at you. 

"Y/n have you seen the drama on Twitter lately?" Ash’s comment made your heart stop, you thought this was over, there was always going to be shit storms but why did they have to contain you.

"Not recently no." You said, nonchalantly.

"I think you should look." Ash murmured, gritting his teeth.

"Why always me?" You grumbled aloud before pulling out your phone and clicking into Twitter. 

You pulled up Charlottes profile surprised in the fact she hadn't tweeted in two days, must be weird updating about her boyfriend. You then simply typed your name into the search bar to see what shit would surprise you this time. The first thing you scrolled upon was a captioned blurred picture: it was dark and pixelated but you could clearly see your face, attached to Freddie's in a very drunken kiss. You could hardly remember it, let alone remember how anyone could've got a picture. You couldn't really see Freddie in the photo, you were just kissing an anonymous male to twitter. One they'd already assumed not to be Luke from the caption; 'y/n seen kissing a guy who we're sure isn't Luke.". You were absolutely appalled, not only was it a complete breach of privacy for you, it also backtracked your life. Everyone would know you now, it would probably be in national papers in the showbiz section. You could picture it '5sos' Luke Hemming’s rumoured girlfriend seen kissing a mysterious male. Cheating scandal?' The whole world was so nosy on a subject they were completely oblivious to. 

You exhaled so loudly and so abruptly it could have torn the house down. "Stupid fucking idiot." You whispered, running your hands through your hair. You didn’t really know if you were calling the fans idiots, or yourself. 

"What is it?" Luke asked, sitting further up the sofa, sliding his legs along the top of yours.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well if it isn't Freddie again..

You threw your phone onto his lap, he unlocked it, already knowing the password. A smile crept on his lips for a brief second, you guessed it was because of your background still being you and him.

"Urgh." Luke let out. "You didn't tell me you kissed him?" He said, staring straight at you.

“I didn’t have to tell you?" You creased your brow, "that's not the problem here anyway, the problem is that someone took a photo, intruded my privacy and now everyone thinks I’m cheating on you."

"Shouldn’t have kissed him them." Luke huffed like a child passing back your phone. 

You thought about how you would have felt if you saw pictures of him and Georgie kissing and realised it must have felt as if you were actually cheating, even though you weren't. You decided not to argue and let him have his little jibes. You switched onto Georgie’s profile, it was habit now. The tweets were all the same 'I told you all, she's just a slag' and 'Luke didn’t deserve her anyway'. You quickly exited, accidently clicking the follow button. "Fuck" you let out a gasp. "Shit shit shit." You fumbled around your phone. Unfollow. Fuck. You were hoping she didn’t see, if her twitter notifications came through on her phone you were fucked, caught creeping. 

"I'm so fucking angry right now." You didn't know who to blame or who to be angry at. You had no problem kissing Freddie as you were single but no one knew that, and God why did your life have to be so confusing?! 

"Y/n calm down, I know you should have a right to privacy but you know this world by now, it was bound to happen, plus kissing in public really?" Ash looked at you in slight disappointment, you looked over to Luke who was still all pouty playing the innocent.

You weren't stupid enough to think he hadn't kissed other people, he just was lucky enough to have not got caught. But for Ash to backlash you really hurt, you hadn't chosen this life, you just fell for someone in it. 

"I'm not in the wrong Ash. I'm single, Luke’s kissed other people. This is unfair on Freddie as well, what if people find out who he is? He doesn't deserve this.”

Luke started at your mouth in disbelief "You care that much for him?!"

"What the fuck do you mean? Do I care for him THAT much?!" You were cross now, Luke was being a child and you were being ganged up on by Luke and Ashton. This may have been some girls’ dreams to be tag teamed by them both but this was far from it.

"You’re so smug with him and you've only know him a day."

"4 days." You corrected.

"How many fucking days doesn’t matter, you shouldn't care about him."

This was frustrating, Luke just didn’t seem to understand. At times like these you just wish you could run to Charlottes. "I wouldn't wish your fans hate upon anyone." You muttered.

"Don’t you dare start on our fans y/n, it's not their fault you're sleeping around."

"Oh wow." You laughed mockingly, pushing his legs off of you and standing off the sofa. That was low, a minute ago you were sat snug as anything on the sofa now this. Any little thing could set you and Luke off arguing and you hated it, this was just evidence of why you couldn't get back with him, not yet. 

"Y/n, storming off doesn't solve anything..." Ashton tried, you couldn't actually be bothered to reply you just sighed walking out of the room, heading upstairs back to Luke’s room hoping he wouldn't interrupt you otherwise you wouldn't be able to be held accountable for anything you said. As you sank back into Luke’s bed you pulled out your phone again texting Freddie. 'Have you seen the picture? You can't tell it's you. I'm so sorry." 

There was no immediate buzz back, just a wrench of your heart. Freddie was probably fuming, you wouldn't wish this on your worst enemy, actually maybe Georgie, but the point still stood, it was pretty shitty. After a 5 minute drag your phone buzzed. Freddie: you cheated on your lead singer boyf with me? 

That was not the reply you were expecting, you'd clearly told him that Luke was your ex. You sat for a while, rewriting and deleting texts that you had thought up fictional responses to. You finally ended with "He is my ex, the fans just never knew what was going on with us, they assumed a lot x x”, what you were saying was true, you just felt bad that Freddie didn’t know the half of yours and Luke’s relationship, he didn’t know that you kissed him goodnight or cuddled with him on the sofa. The buzz came back quicker this time, as if he was waiting by the phone "Can we maybe meet and talk about it, nothing comes across good during texts." 

You told Luke you would spend the night with him, you told him you wouldn't see Freddie, you were so fucking torn. The radio in the background of your room was playing 'Fix you' and it was making you feel things that you didn’t want to feel right now. In a lash of anger you threw a pillow at it.

"Shut up" you shouted as it fell off the shelf and broke onto the floor.

You grabbed your phone texting, "Text me your address" as you jumped off of the bed, grabbing your shoes, bag and keys you threw yourself down the stairs and out the house.

You could hear the faint call of "Y/n?" as you left but you were already gone. You received Freddie's address almost immediately, as soon as you got in the car you threw your hood over your head to avoid major photo opportunities. As you drove to Freddie's house you felt sick, with anxiety and guilt for leaving Luke when you promised him, as he takes promises very seriously. You arrived at Freddie's quite promptly opting for the hooded look just in case while entering his flat, Freddie opened his door blank faced. He was so opposite to Luke who you could read like your favourite book.

"Hey..." You smiled up at him. 

"Come in." Freddie motioned you in shutting the door behind you.

You made your way over to his small sofa and took a seat, Freddie followed you sitting next to you. It felt eerily weird as you were in the same position with Luke just a few hours ago. 

Freddie bit into his lip "So this picture thing-"

"Has really pissed me off Fred, literally I'm so sorry, stuff like this doesn't normally happen. We're-" You stopped yourself before bringing Luke up with the memories, "I'm always really careful"

"I don’t mind about the picture y/n." 

You tucked your feet under your legs and frowned. That didn’t sit right with you, he should have been annoyed at it, even a little. “So why are you annoyed then, I don't really understand?"

"Because you have a boyfriend." 

"He's not my boyfriend." You sighed, it still wasn't sinking in that you weren't dating.

"I can’t seem to believe that." His voice was stern and unwelcoming.

"I can promise you." Your mouth was so dry, you hadn't even had a drink for the past few hours and the stress was the powering down on you. "Can I have a drink?" you asked, rubbing your head.

Freddie agreed and rushed out to grab a glass. As he came back in he passed your water and you took a sip, relief is all you felt. Your head was beginning to bang and you couldn't be dealing with shouting. Your phone vibrated quite loudly within the silence, you looked up apologetically and pulled it out of your jacket pocket. "Luke; where did you go? You’re not at home?" It read.

"Is that that Luke dude?" Freddie asked, disheartened.

You nodded, guiltily.

"So he's texting you, leaving that sad soft look on your face. You properly frowned then, you were sure you weren't so obvious with your feelings towards Luke, and Freddie’s harsh tone wasn’t settling in the realisation.

You nodded then shook your head, even if you were being obvious you weren't about to admit it. "Just asked if I was home that's all."

"You call his place home?"

"It's my place too, I have nowhere else".

"When are you moving out then, if you’re not together?" 

It was a question you'd been avoiding asking yourself because you were so sure you would be getting back together at some point. Almost as if on cue your phone vibrated again. You hadn't even replied to him and he had text again. Luke: you promised me.

"I'm not moving out." You spoke focusing more on the phone than Freddie, whom was now sat next to you, his legs wide spread apart in a very dominating stance. You hated it when men held their legs so far apart. "I'm sorry Luke" is all you could write, you thought about lying and telling him you were just having a breather in a park somewhere, but you knew that he could probably tell even by the way you texted that you weren't telling the truth. You tucked your phone away again, guessing that Luke wouldn't want to reply.

"Why?" Freddie asked, you were now confused completely by not listening to anything he just said. "Why are you not moving out?" It was like he was your boyfriend, considering you'd only been on one date he was being a bit intense.

"They are going on tour soon anyway, I'll be in the house by myself." 

By yourself, by yourself. The words were repeating in your head. They did offer to take you on tour but now you had signed up for a-levels there was no way you could go.

"But what about when they come back?" 

"I'll just live like I am now." You answered not even paying attention, a little on guard about his demanding tone.

You heard him tut, "What's that like? Where do you sleep?"

He was becoming so nosy it was starting to put across as unattractive. Either way you couldn't tell the truth.

"Why are you so bothered?" You sighed to him.

"Because, if we want to be exclusive in the future or anything, you can't live there, sleeping God knows where. You should be moving on, not clinging to your ex". 

That was unacceptable, you'd known Freddie a couple of days and he was already becoming dominating and he was in no way being subtle with his intentions. He had no view over you apart from a drunken night, and now you'd left Luke to be dealing with this shit. If Freddie knew what Luke had done for you he wouldn't be so discriminative, you doubted he'd care enough to hear you out though. Still you left and you'd promised.

"But we’re not exclusive and I'm single." You said, as if it wasn’t already fucking obvious.

"You're never going to get a guy like that!" He said dismissively, a face of disgust. His stance was becoming more and more aggressive and so was his voice and it wasn't comforting. He was starting to frighten you as with every comment he beat you down. "People will think you’re a slag."

"Well I'm not!" You shouted, defensively.

He laughed at you, he fucking laughed at you. You wished Luke was here or even Michael just so they could smack Freddie straight in the mouth, or they could put their arm around you and tell Freddie to do one, because you were theirs. But that was never going to happen, you were by yourself now, defending yourself because you didn’t have a plus one. You wanted to slap the smug look off of Freddie's innocent enough looking face but you just couldn't, you were too scared. All you could do was squirm up inside yourself and hope for the best. 

“I think I'm going to go now...." You muttered standing up, making a statement not asking a question. 

"No please y/n I didn't mean it like that." 

How else could he have meant it, did he think you were thick, slag had one meaning. "I'll text you...." You said making your way to the door, before twisting the handle letting yourself out. You had no intention of texting him any time soon. 

Freddie stood up to stop you, you almost felt a weird guilt in case you had mistaken him, but it soon passed when you thought of his demands. You rushed to your car and drove home before even thinking about what had just happened, the drive dragged as you distracted yourself in every way possible, as soon as you pulled in you hopped straight out of your car, smiling at fans before opening the front door then slamming it behind you. You slid against it not caring that one of the boys could walk down and see you. You could feel the tears slipping down your face and before you knew it you were sobbing. You knew how messed up your life was but Freddie reminding you and the thought of being alone shook you. You were slumped against the wooden panelling of the door, sat crumpled on the door mat which really wasn’t very comfortable. The mat read. "Home is where the heart is." You were really questioning the reliability of it right now. A creak of the staircase didn’t stop your sobbing. You just ran your hands through your hair and wiped your eyes and snotty nose at the same time getting yourself into a mess.

"What's up?" Michael’s stale, monotone voice travelled from the bottom of the stairs. His voice hadn’t changed tone for what seemed like weeks. Ever since you fucked up his mind.

Your chest moved up and down at ten to the dozen. Your breaths becoming short and frequent, caused you to realise a panic attack was coming on. You felt suffocated, Luke knew how to handle you, how to calm you down, all you wanted was Luke, even if he didn’t want to see you. 

"Whe-eres Luke-ke." You pushed out through breaths.

"Everyone's out, he went looking for you." 

You looked up at Michael who wasn’t moving from his position, his arms awkwardly swung from his sides and foot tapped as if he was considering doing something to help. This is what it would be like if you were alone, no help, just surviving by yourself. You put your head between your legs trying to make your breathing less abnormal. Just breathe, in, out, in, out. Exhale inhale.

"Just breathe." Michael’s voice shifted to beside you, his hand rubbing your back as he slid down the door next to you. "Just breathe". 

Your concentration on breaths were accompanied by your concentration on Michael’s hand on your back. You focused on his rough skin stroking smooth touches into your goose bumped shaking body instead of the way your airways were shrinking.

"I-I-I'm sorry.” You tried teeth chattering, you didn't think Michael would appreciate it, a few words don't solve everything.

"'S okay." He said instead, you were certain it was sympathy crawling through instead of sincerity, you really didn't want his sympathy, just his friendship. After sitting on the floor with you for a while Michael offered to help you up, reassured by the fact your breathing had regulated. 

You took his support as he lead you into the kitchen making you a coffee, you could do with a cigarette as well, but that was a no go whole different matter. As Michael handed you your coffee sliding in across from the chair you were sat in at the table, he looked at you as if you were a fallen star. One he had to watch due to its broken fragility. An awkwardness entered the room as you sat sipping the drink while Michael rested himself on the counter watching your intake of the coffee. Your hands were still shaking as you lifted the mug to your lips, you strained yourself at trying to calm them. You looked up to Michael as he was pulling a pack of baccy out of his grey jogging bottoms and started to roll himself a fag. 

"You want one?" He asked, you shook your head looking down at the your now half full and a little cold coffee. "You used to smoke with me all the time before Luke." He scoffed as he wondered out the room through the back door, you could hear him huff as he sat down on the ledge of the patio.

You were alone in the kitchen. Alone. You fucking hated being alone now, it kept reminding you of the boys leaving. You took your mug by the handle, pulling your jumper arms over your hands to create sweater paws. You stepped out the back now behind Michael, the smoke reached up from his mouth and dispersed into the sky. You sat next to him, a bit of a gap between you. The fans didn’t know Michael smoked, thinking about it they didn’t know a lot of things. They would probably freak and not contain themselves if they found out so it was easier to just not tell them the details. You and Michael used to sit out the back when you came to visit, before you and Luke were serious, you would bond over a cigarette and a coffee. You slowly started to stop, knowing Luke really wasn’t into it, but occasionally Michael would sneak you out and you'd have a great time hiding the smoke and fag butts from Luke.

"You sure?" He turned to you, gesturing at his hand, delicately holding the end of the cigarette. 

So what if you had no self-motivation to say no, you were stressed as hell and an opportunity for a release and a chat was arising itself. You took the cigarette from Michaels hold gesturing him for his lighter giving him a look which told him not to ask questions yet, he never did. As you lit up the first stream of tobacco ran through you as a welcome relief, the light burning the paper made you think of burning away memories. It helped.

You took a few drags before starting up conversation. "Thanks Mike." He nodded inhaling his own smoke, you wondered if he thought of burning away memories, releasing stress.

"What's up?" 

Too vague you thought, the sky was up, your feelings were down. 

"A lot" you replied, smirking at Mike.

"Why were you crying?" He asked again trying to reach through to some sanity. 

"Boys."

"Yeah, boys suck." He mumbled, taking another drag of his cigarette. You watched his paper burn away, and in the quiet you could hear the interior of the roll up sizzle with heat.

"Yeah." You replied to the non-existent question, doing the same thing as Michael and taking another drag.

"Luke’s a bit pissed." Michael’s voice was still the same monotone pitch, you guessed that Luke would be angry.

"Could have put a bet on that one." You said, tapping away the burnt ash onto the pristine clean patio. 

"Why?" 

You liked the mundane chatter between you and Mike, the talk that felt like nothing even mattered, your voice was just disappearing into a deep void.

"Went to Freddie's, said I wouldn't."

"Oh" he said, as if sarcastic. "That's why he was shouting 'she promised' while punching into the wall then."

"Probably." You sighed, not even surprised by Luke’s overreaction.

You tilted your head up to the very slowly darkening sky. Your back was leaning up against the kitchens exterior walls, you could see Mike looking at you out of the corner of your eye, you tilted your head back down to look at him, he just gave you another sympathetic smile, one you had seen a lot over the past week. You carried on dragging on your cigarette until it burnt itself out. 

"Where did he think he was going to find me?" You rhetorically asked Michael referring to Luke.

“Probably going to every guy you've ever spoken to. Finding out where they live to beat the shit out of them". 

You flinched remembering Michael’s fist hitting Luke because of you, you couldn't think of Luke doing the same. You were tempted to light up again, everything was so much easier whilst corrupting your lungs. You resisted this time though, knowing it was already obvious that you'd been smoking. Just as you were about to tell Michael about Freddie's utter twatish behaviour, the kitchen door, leading to where you and Michael were sat, swung open.

Luke appeared at the door, joining up the dots of the situation quickly, shaking his head down at you with rubbed irritated eyes wide, you knew he'd been crying or near it. You scanned him up and down as he did the same to you, a burnt out fag butt fell from between your fingers onto the floor next to your leg. Luke huffed out a deep sigh. As you examined Luke you came across his hand, which was strapped up in bandages and had stains of red spread across it, you were guessing it was tended to by Ashton who was stood close behind him. You would have been freaking out if Michael hadn’t told you Luke was punching walls beforehand, at least that’s what you were hoping it was from.

"I found her" Michael whispered, trying to lighten the situation that had gone beyond awkward.


	21. Chapter 21

Luke ignored Michaels comment and kept his eyes locked on you. "I was looking for you" his voice cracked.

"Well there wasn’t any need." You breathed into your jumper, he stared at you for a little longer, a little too long to be considered normal. 

"You’ve been crying." This time he was the one stating the facts.

"Can we not talk about it in front of everyone?" You said, making a point of Ashton and Calum both in the kitchen and Michael sat opposite you, who was pretending to focus on his cigarette.

"He's a bad influence." Luke was now just blurting out random opinions. "Why would you sit here with him and not even bother to text me?"

"I was pissed off and wanted a cigarette, Michael didn't force me to. Also I literally had a near fucking panic attack so..." You bit back at Luke’s remarks, standing up from where you were sat. "I'm going inside, you want to talk to me we’ll talk in the room."

You made your intentions clear as you moved past Luke, giving Michael a thankful smile on your way out. You walked past Ash and Cal who looked at you suspiciously probably wondering why you left in such a hurry, when you got to your room you collapsed onto your bed, again. The door quickly opened after you, Luke walked in sitting next to you on the bed.

"Why did you leave?" He asked, you knew it would piss him off but not this much.

"Had to sort things with Freddie."

"So you left me for him." Luke said emotionless, however the clench of his fists gave his anger away. 

“I didn’t leave you for him, don't be so stupid." You said sternly, sitting upright, you were back to where you were this morning, back to arguing over a subject that was starting to make you numb.

"We were meant to spend the time together." He spoke, not looking at you, as if talking to the wall.

Your phone was vibrating in your back pocket, you pulled it out and pushed it across the bed away from you. Luke’s eyes darted to it, then back to the wall.

"We can spend the evening together."

"All 2 hours that is left of it." He huffed, jabbing at you.

Your phone vibrated again and Luke’s body jolted. "Don’t get funny with me, I had to go to sort out the problem your fans made."

"Here we fucking go again, blaming our fans." He stood up in rage pacing the room.

"Well it’s their fault." You shouted, you could tell the whole house could hear you guys' arguments time and time again but you didn’t care by now, it was normal, it would be abnormal to go a week without a tiff.

Your phone vibrated for the third time, both you and Luke turned to it. It vibrated twice, consecutively. 

"Who the fuck is texting you!" He screamed, launching forward for the phone before you could get to it. He stared at the screen for a while, the bright light reflecting on his face. "I'm going to kill him." His voice deepened. 

You stared straight at Luke’s hands gripping your phone so tightly his knuckles had turned white, you hadn't even seen what Freddie had said but Luke was pissed. "Luke give it please...." You reached for your phone again before Luke moved the phone away, mentally debating what to do.

"Is that why you were upset?" Luke turned to you, gritted teeth.

You nodded, it was, mostly. You didn't really want to tell him you were scared of facing the world alone. 

"And now he's got the fucking cheek to be texting you asking about me, apologising, then calling you a bitch!"

Freddie must've fucked up majorly on text, if his rudeness was noticeable by Luke you didn't really want to see him again.

"He knows about you, obviously, he said what we have is weird and I should move out." You slipped it out in a word rush before you could even think of Luke's reaction. 

"Move out?!" Luke raised his voice.

"I'm not going to he ju-" 

"He has a fucking nerve." Luke was aimlessly shouting at Freddie, who's presence was non-existent.

"He was just saying maybe this arrangement is a bit stran-"

"What did you ever see in the prick?" He shouted aimlessly, skimming over your comment.

"I did agree in a way." 

He stopped pacing and faced you. "You what?"

"I'm not going to, but I just, I just agreed that this is a little weird."

Luke gulped, looking a little lost. He nodded.

“Not many people spoon their exes to sleep." You stated.

"We’re friends." He corrected, trying to find excuses to cover your tracks and to convince himself of your abnormal actions.

You nodded this time: friends, it was starting to get on your nerves.

Luke started pacing again, rambling on. "How dare he fucking upset my girl?"

His girl, it was cheesy and completely wrong but it still lifted a smile onto your lips.

"He better not have a laid a fucking finger on you or he's done for".

"No he didn't touch me, I left when he started getting funny." You left at the right time, thinking back now.

Luke was still fuming it was totally obvious in every single move he made. "So he got angry at you, for what? Sleeping with me?"

You nodded that was basically true, Luke might as well know everything. "Said people might think I'm a slag because of it and no guy would want to be with me."

Luke stopped, and went to swing his arm back into the wall, before realising he'd probably fucked his hand up enough already. Instead he moved back next to you on the bed barely giving you room to breathe let alone think. He gripped as well as he could into the sheets, there was a joke in there somewhere you were just too tired to find it.

"Don't listen to him, I swear if I knew where he lived he'd be dead."

You cringed at the thought of violence, and how juvenile it was that it was most angry men's first resort. This time, he let go of the sheets to hold onto your hand with a gentle grip.

"And for what he said about guys, I will always want you."

It’s not that fucking easy, you thought, but you didn’t even understand it yourself, why couldn't you just be with him. 

“I can’t." You said instead. 

"You’re always so fucking overcomplicated, even when we were together."

He was right, you are and you were, when you first started dating you made him take it very slow. It was trust issues.

"Sorry." You breathed, into yourself not wanting to look at Luke. 

He urged, "Don't be sorry, it's my fault." You were about to counter argue his point but he carried on talking. "I just want you back".

"You always have me, but please let me give 'me' a try."

Luke sighed again, you were so fed up of hearing the sound. "You? So like college, and if you like it you stay?"

Staying didn't sound so pleasant anymore, you wish there was a way you could tour and go to college. You knew your life couldn't orientate around Luke and touring, just in case something happened in the future. 

"Pretty much."

"What happens if you find another Freddie, who can be with you all the time like I can’t?" Luke looked down, that wouldn't happen, you couldn't stop thinking about him when you weren't with him.

"I know it won't happen."

"How can you be so sure?!" Luke softly shouted, breathily.

You were sure, you stood up moving other to Luke, you were so sure. 

“Because I care for you, because I'll miss you." With every phrase you stepped further towards Luke, your voice trembling more with every stride. "Because I wouldn’t do that to you."

Luke’s eyes widened, he bit his lip, an old habit which he couldn't get rid off. The closer you got, the more obvious his irritated eyes were. Luke stood up from the sofa shortening the distance between you.

"Because I couldn't do that." Your mouth was so dry, your lips chapping where even your tongue couldn’t wet them. "Because I adore you Luke."

You were now stood nearly on Luke’s feet, you could feel his breath on your forehead. You looked up to him, your lips almost touching. "Because I fucking love you."

"I love you too much." Luke mumbled before surging your lips together.

You felt complete, your lips fitted perfectly, synchronised practiced perfection. It wasn't drunken like with Freddie or lust fuelled like with Michael. It was simple, easy and full of love. Luke ran his hand behind your back pushing you onto the bed behind you, settling on top of you, fitted between your legs. Hands were venturing, bodies were moving together and you were perfect. This wasn't together but it wasn't friends, the only thing that could go wrong is that you wouldn't want to ever leave Luke’s side again once this was over. You swung your legs over the back of Luke and crossed them as if you were hanging off of him like a baby, Luke was pecking your lips, then your jaw, then your neck. 

Between kisses he spoke, "I've been waiting too long for this."

He wiggled his body back up to face you, he turned your head by your chin so you were looking back at him. You giggled and a smirk fell on his lips, his eyes darted between your eyes and your mouth, then staring at numerous places around your face, not taking any for granted, he took in a deep breath before placing his lips back onto yours, grabbing your hips and pulling them roughly down the bed so he was settled comfortably on top of you again.

"Oh god, I've missed you." You breathed between Luke’s lips mAshing with yours.

You ran your hand through his hair, the feel was so abnormal to you, everything about this was so abnormal to you, and it felt like it was the first time all over again. 

You lay out of breath, Luke heavily breathing to the side of you, his body touching yours. You just hoped he'd locked the door, because if anyone walked in on you two led naked on your bed when you were supposed to be ‘just friends’ it would be a shock to say the least. You were finally happy, there was no worries left, and you wondered why you hadn't done this earlier, screw being friends. You loved Luke and he loved you, clear as day. Might as well play it to both your benefits. You wondered what would happen now, you didn't want this to seem one-night like because it was Luke and it could never be like that, you also didn't ever want to think of it is a mistake. 

Luke rolled over from his side to face you, looking straight at you. "I missed that.”

You chuckled, wiping the sweat from your face. He pushed back part of your now very messy hair, leaving his hand on the crook of your neck. He made circles upon your skin with his thumb whilst smiling a very cheeky grin. It was the happiest you had seen him in a long time. He kissed you gently on the cheek before sitting up straight and grabbing for the blanket on the end of the bed. His back was perfectly scoped, he wasn't muscular but his back somehow looked toned. This was all a big difference from the other night when he wouldn't even let you see him topless. Luke threw the blanket up so it fell lightly upon both of yours naked bodies, underneath you slowly moved your legs along his until they were comfortably slung across his body. He lifted his arm over your shoulders before pulling you into his chest giving you the sweetest smile you had ever seen placed upon anyone's lips before. You nudged your head into his warming torso, wondering how long it would take for someone to burst through the door and ruin the moment, but there was no drama for now, just you, Luke and a blanket. You snuggled into Luke even more, relishing in his comfort, his heart was beating to a rhythm only you could recognise, his eyelAshes fluttered in a way only you would take the time to notice. If you weren't meant to be then something was seriously wrong. You shut your eyes and imagined this being simple, you'd fly out with Luke and not have to worry about anything. It wasn’t realistic but it was a prefect fantasy. Luke could probably hear the cogs turning in your head as you thought as he asked if you were okay, of course you were okay. You were wonderful. You leaned up to kiss Luke again, before the door swung open interrupting your real reverie. 

Ashton blushed, then showed himself out quickly not before shouting to inform everyone. "FRIENDS HUH?"

"FUCKING KNEW IT!" You heard Calum screech, they had shut the lounge door but you could still hear their laughing from downstairs.

Your cheeks heated up as you snuggled tighter into Luke’s chest, mumbling swear words under your breath, he laughed into your hair. It had happened once before with Calum, you thought everyone was out and things were just getting heated then he strolled into the room and quickly out again. 

Luke jolted upwards, stretching and stepping off the bed. The sheets slid off of his body so easily. 

"Luke..." You dragged out, pulling his arm back down next to you.

"Y/n..." He laughed mocking you, as he lent down on your side and glanced down at your body that was loosely covered by the blanket, then his eyes moved back into line with yours. 

"We’re going to have to face them sometime." He laughed through a yawn. 

You moaned in disagreement.

"Come on." He chuckled, pulling you off the bed by your hand, he threw you a t-shirt which you quickly put on and guided you out of the room. Saying you didn't want to face the boys a few minutes after they'd made the obvious assumption that you and Luke had had sex, was a fucking understatement. Luke kept a gentle reassuring pressure on your hand as you entered into the lounge to be met with a series of whooping noises and cheers from Calum and Ashton. Michael took a back seat, obviously having his mind made up seeing as you were both still flushed, and you were in Luke’s shirt.

"Finally got laid then Luke!" Calum taunted, Luke flipped him off. You weren't just a lay, but you'd let them have their fun for now.

"Friends with benefits now?" Michael chirped in. This time you were the one doing the flipping off. 

"Ooooh touchy." Ashton laughed, you rolled your eyes at him, Luke slowly dropped your hand that you were clinging to in embarrassment and sat next to Calum and Ashton.

The only next available seat was next to Michael on the opposite sofa, you looked to Luke before sitting down, his face was one of an anxious man. You placed yourself next to Michael, shuffling further into the corner of the sofa away from him and crossing your bare legs under your bum. Michael glanced at you, he could see what you were doing.

"I'm not contagious" he whispered jokingly, mocking you from your drunk state as you were the one who was telling Michael that only a few nights ago. 

Luke shot a glance over to your sofa, hearing the whispers but not the context. You smiled back to Michael, moving an inch closer to him, he shook his head dismissively turning back to the TV.

You hated Michael when he was like this, you weren't even with Luke and he was being cold. Just hours ago you were friends, bonding over a cigarette and a coffee just like old times. When you were with Luke there were no issues with your friendship, of course this break had changed that and made things complicated. Still he had no reason to be a prat about it. Instead of paying attention to Michael’s dismissal you focused on Luke smiling across from you. He was bright, happy and alive, a way he hadn't been for so long. You knew if you got back with him now it'd be pointless, you'd be arguing again in a matter of days, you wished you could stay in this serenity period forever. 

"How's Char Cal haven't seen her in a while?" You asked, curiously.

"Busy" he frowned, obviously she would be with Uni. You had no details but you could imagine how hard it would be to maintain their relationship. You knew things would inevitably be like that with you and Luke, it was in no means ideal. 

"It’s hard to study and have a boyfriend, Cal" Luke said keeping his eyes on the TV screen. He wasn't being nasty just planting that college wasn't such a good idea in your head, and it was working.

"Way to make me feel better." Calum spat in Luke’s direction, Luke still not turning his head in response. 

"People do it all the time Cal, it'll be fine." You smiled reassuringly to Calum, knowing that when you felt a bit shit you want someone backing you up, not putting you down. 

"Most people aren't in a band" Michael chipped in, you sent him a glare from your side of the sofa. 

"Charlotte will understand." You defended.

"Most girls don’t." Ashton added, making reference to his ex. All the boys were sounding as if they had no hope. 

“Are you a bunch of idiots or what? I'm trying to make Cal feel a little bit better here?"

Calum sighed, "It’s fine y/n, I've been through this before, I know the procedure."

Of course they'd been through it all before, the girlfriends, the breakups they thought they knew what was coming next because they seemed to always get dropped on their asses.

Calums phone started ringing and he fumbled for it furiously around his body. "I've got to take this" he said, rushing out of the room, none of the boys took any notice.

You looked around confused, you could guarantee it was Char on the phone and Calum had sounded serious. As much as you got jealous when she was around you hated the idea of them breaking up. You knew how she felt though, in some way. It was a hard life, torn between your commitments to your relationship and commitments to everything. She was smitten with Calum, and the boys wouldn't be touring for a while, as hard as you tried to forget. It should be simple, be happy for the now. She had it easy in that respect. You impatiently stared at the door trying to get some gist of the situation as the others looked on trying to ignore what was happening. 

Finally Calum came through the door looking sketchy, you were curious. You watched Calum intensively as he slowly walked back to the sofa, slumping down as far as he could into the cushions and sitting between Ash and Luke, Luke turned to see what was going on but didn’t ask anything and turned his attention back to the TV. You found it so odd that none of the boys asked, maybe they just knew what was going on and chose not to bring it up. You pulled in your eyebrows and opened your mouth to speak but Michaels hand squeezed your leg, tight. You whipped your head round and frowned at him. 

"Don't." He whispered.

You shook your head in confusion.

"Just don't." He repeated sternly, you sighed shrugging your shoulders. 

You bent down and picked up your phone from the floor that had just sounded a text. Calum shot a look to you as you unlocked it, the background still you and Luke, you were thinking about changing it to a new one. You didn’t even have a new one to change it to.

Charlotte: can you come over? asap. It read, you were fucking stuck in the middle of your two friend’s domestic tiff.

"I'm going out." You mumbled over the top of the TV. 

You got up to leave but not before Calum sounded his opinion. "Not everything she says is true y/n/n." The fact he used your nickname was heart touching, he only used it if he wanted something or was highly distressed. You ignored him, but it didn’t mean you didn’t take what he said into account.

You walked out of the door and hopped straight into the car, you'd underestimated the walk before and you weren't about to do it again. You’d already messaged Charlotte telling her you were on your way over with no reply. The car journey was short and the cause of this impromptu meeting bugged the back of your mind, as you parked your car and stood after knocking at Charlotte’s door you had endless possibilities running through your mind. Charlotte opened the door, eyes red from tears, and looking just visibly upset. It was a look you were too familiar with. You moved in as Char shut her door behind you, you immediately gave her a hug. A hug is all you needed when you felt like shit, you hoped she'd be the same. 

"Hey, wanna go upstairs?" Char fake laughed through her obvious distraught.

You nodded following her up to her bed, remembering the last time you had been here Cal was in her bed. Cal’s name only reminded you of his warning. 

As you sat down Charlotte burst out "I don't know if I can do this anymore." 

You had a feeling this would be what it was about. 

The tears just poured down her face, she reminded you a lot of yourself, she was much prettier when she cried though. You rubbed her back with your shaky hands, tugging her into your chest. She took the pull willingly and plunged her head into you, she was a silent crier, which made it worse because she wasn't making a scene, you could feel that it was all real.

"I don't know how you do it y/n." You nodded, same, you thought. You really had to love someone to put yourself through it. "I thought I loved him" she carried on, she looked up at you for a second, wiping her newly red eyes then looking back down into your lap. Her comment took you by surprise but you just kept making patterns on her back, reassuring her that you were there. "I thought I knew him."

It must have been hard for her, living a life dedicated to 5sos then coming into a world where you're interacting with the idols that you have watched and listened to for years, you’d have already made up judgements thinking you knew their personalities to a tee without actually knowing them at all, you didn’t know where she was coming from but you could understand it. 

"He's just so, different."

You smiled at her, they were all different to the fans you thought. "Hey, I'm sure if you think you’re in love with him something had to be good, right?" You said instead.

Charlotte sniffled then wiped her hand across her face, smearing it with snot and tears, it wasn't attractive but it was so raw. You offered her a tissue, which she accepted gratefully.

"It's just like I had this image of him, and I was right. He's so loving and caring and is always there for people. Like the way he is with you just makes me love him even more. In that respect he's perfect. But there's a side of him, he just, flips so easily. Like I told him that I was worried about the tour soon, and what would happen to us. And he went a bit crazy."

Luke was more like Cal than you thought then, you couldn't help but associate their irrational behaviour with fame. No matter what, Char had only given you such a brief account for such a large situation. The images of Michael powering his fist into Luke’s face once again flashed into your head, it made you flinch at the thought. There was this other side to their lives that none of the fans even saw glimpses of, except from the expose blogs, which had some sort of truth in them. 

"You just have start again, try and wipe the slate clean." You tried giving her advice, even though you had no idea about the situation or any understanding of her mind-set.

"But he's so...” She gritted her teeth through the tears. “Angry." 

It was scaring you, all the worst scenarios popped into your head, you tried ridding them as soon as you could but they stuck. "Char I'm going to ask you something, but you can’t get angry at me ok, I'm just looking out for you." 

She nodded, lifting her head to look at you.

"He didn’t touch you did he? He didn’t, hurt you?"

She grimaced, you could see the boys hitting each other, but hitting girls. Especially ones they apparently loved, you could never see Luke touching you in any way that made you uncomfortable. You were sure of it, recalling his reaction to the faintest idea that Freddie may have hurt you. "No...” She drawled out, wiping her tears whilst shaking her head, "I've been so scared he might though." 

Ah, you knew that feeling. The feeling of borderline, the chance he might get too angry one day. You knew Cal could get angry, but you'd only seen him that angry once or twice. Charlotte was talking like their relationship was a constant borderline. 

"Do you argue a bit?" You were trying to get a view of their relationship.

She nodded back at you, "Like you and Luke right?” Obviously referring to you together.

"Even when we're not together." You added.

She looked at you like you had a solution. "How are you not like this constantly?" She gestured to herself. 

I am inside you thought. 

"Because I love him." You tried to smile, the only reason you would put yourself through any of this was because you loved Luke.

"But how do you look so happy all the time?"

Because I hide it, you thought, because you couldn't let anyone see you were upset. You were stronger than that you always told yourself. You just shrugged.

"Look, I don’t know what's gone on with you and Cal, and I don't really want to get involved." You said, thinking about how Cal told you not to believe her. “But do what you feel is right, and it can’t be wrong." You croaked out, starting to get a little emotional yourself. 

She smiled weakly at you, wiping snot from her nose, she laughed at herself.

"I'm so stupid." She let out as another cry.

"Nah, you ain't." You pulled her tighter into a hug.

"It’s my fault he's angry." She sighed into your chest.

"It's not." You said, you had no knowledge of the situation but you just wanted to prove to Charlotte that you were there for her. 

She looked at you poignantly, "It is though. I wind him up, going out with uni people. Then I say that I don't trust him, when it's him that doesn't trust me."

You sighed, it must have been difficult for Charlotte transitioning between the two lives she had. 

"I mean when we go out he's still touchy with girls, when I'm there." She concluded.

She didn't trust him, you could clearly see that.

Calum wasn't a cheater though, you winced at the idea of cheating and how at one point Char had thought you'd slept with Calum behind her back. You'd been cheated on, it fucking hurt.

"Char, that's just Cal. He's like that with everyone." You explained, trying not to sound too biased. 

"Is he though?" 

Well he is with me, you thought. He’s touchy, tickling, kissing, cuddling and just being a flirt in general. You thought back to when you were sleeping with Calum, spooning him. Yet he was dating charlotte and you didn’t know, it didn’t matter to him, you were best mates. 

"Yeah, I'm sure he's like it with everyone." You replied not very convincingly.

"Just everything on twitter..."

"Don't look at that shit." You butted in, you should probably listen to yourself more often. "Most of it is crap, I spend all my days with the boys and I've maybe seen two of the girls out of the hundreds they talk about, most of it is written by that bitch Georgie anyway."

She looked up at you. "Yeah about her...." she started, taking her phone out of her back pocket.

You frowned. "What?" You asked urgently.

"She dmed me a couple days ago and that's what started this whole argument off..."

You huffed, not her again.

"Told me Cal tried it on with her in a club a few weeks ago so we must've been dating then, he denies it of course." 

You could've tutted aloud, why Georgie insisted on being such a fucking inconvenience beat you. She'd already been with guys from the band, including Luke. Was her personal issue, just needing to destroy all of the boys relationships one by one.

‘Don't believe her’, rang through you mind again. 

You would be hesitant to believe any cheating accusation without proof or admittance. Even more so one Georgie made. 

"Char, I've been there with Georgie and I only knew it was true because he admitted it, the boys are so different but in that respect are similar. They have morals you know? And I'm sure Cal loves you and would never do that to you." You hoped for everyone's sake you were right.

"Just everything she said sounded so-" She paused, thinking, as if she was stuck on how to put it. "Factually correct, I guess" she continued.

You looked down at the phone that she was passing along to your lap, nudging at you to read it. You took a look at the messages, you were getting way too involved in this than you wanted to. The dms ranged from dates and times of when this event happened and the details of the betrayal that seemed all very true.

"I don't know." You shrugged, you were out of your depth.

"Neither do I." She sniffled, her cries had subsided and now a single tear fell from her left eye and crashed on her lip, her tongue swung across to mop it up.

A message notification popped up on her screen, from Calum. You quickly passed it into her hands. She looked down hesitantly, your eyes followed hers and hers followed every word Calum wrote.

"He wants you to check your phone, said you’re not answering." She mumbled, locking her phone.

Really, Calum, you thought.

You gave Char a look which spoke every thought you held against Calum at that moment.

"Just read it." She replied not looking up from her locked phone. You opened your phone.

Calum: Lukes probably going to think you left him again.

Well he saw me leave after you had a domestic tiff, you thought.

Calum: Whatever she is telling you I need to explain.

'Need to explain'. That sounded everything but good. Explaining meant there was something to explain. You should probably leave that out when you told Char. You quickly typed a reply telling him that you'd talk when you got back but you needed to be with Char at the minute and Luke would understand. 

You just hoped Calum hadn't done what he'd been accused of, that would be even more drama, and a broken hearted Charlotte. You didn't know if you could help her through it, words don't tend to heal much when you had been in that situation. 5sos should come with a warning you thought. As you sat in silence, that felt a little awkward, Charlotte offered you a drink and you followed her out into the kitchen. She was shaking as she poured some red wine into a glass. 

"I'm driving." You stated. 

"It's for me." She replied, pouring you another glass, water this time.

You took it from her hands and brought it to your mouth, dampening the dry cuts that lay on your bottom lip, still watching Char over the top of the glass. She gulped down the wine in one and slammed down the empty glass on the side. You turned your head to look out of the window, the sky was getting very dark very quickly and you switched your eyeline toward the clock. 11pm, you better be heading back, you hated driving out late. You placed your glass next to Charlottes and she tilted her head to the side.

"Go home y/n." She sighed.

"I don’t want to leave you alone."

"My housemates are here, go home." She smiled, but you could see through it, the smile that was hiding the pain, you were the master at that.

You left reluctantly, driving home was too quiet, it made you think when you didn’t want to. The many voices of Cal, Char and even Georgie sounded around your head. You pulled into the house gates and jumped out, knocking on the door, thinking maybe no-one would answer seeing how late it was but Cals face appeared, you couldn't read the emotion on his face.

"You were ages, guess you know everything." Calum blanked.


	22. Chapter 22

You put your head down slipping inside the door, brushing past him. Calum shut the door too hard behind you, the slam rushing through you making your skin crawl. You walked through to the lounge, you weren't escaping just yet without a word with him. You sat down, whilst Calum locked up before moving to the adjacent sofa.

"Is it true?" You blurted out before Calum had even settled, his eyes flashed with an unknown emotion as you began to delve into the situation. 

"What did she say?" Cal averted, you weren't prepared to explain everything, you wanted to do this simply.

"You know what, just tell me Cal."

Please say no, please say no.

"I was with her".

No. 

"I didn't do what she said though, we were just with her."

Why? Why, was he even with her? Where was Char? And who was we? 

"I think I should get to bed." You mumbled changing your mind about wanting to know, all the questions floating in your head made you even more tired than you were before. You got off of the sofa to leave for bed before Calum grabbed your arm.

"No, you don't believe me." He argued.

“I do I'm just-"

"Let me explain, I can’t lose her ok, or you."

You nodded, sitting back down, crossing your legs under each other, you yawned as he continued.

"She threw a party, the night we all went out together and you were home." 

You rolled your eyes, typical. 

"But Charlotte was with you? When you went out and when you came back?" 

He sighed, his eyes jotted around the room trying to remember the facts of the night. From what you heard he was very drunk so it was probably quite difficult. 

"When we went out, Char saw some of her uni friends." He spoke with a hint of a growl to his voice. "She went off with them, told me she'd be back and I was pissed at her, like she was meant to be coming out with me? And she just fucks off with some other group of lads, am not interesting enough for her? Am I fucking boring her?"

"Get to the fucking point Cal." You yawned.

He breathed out a heavy breath, you were guessing he was anticipating the backlash of his next words.

"Luke got a text from Georgie, saying there was this party at hers."

Luke has her number, it made you sick.

"Ash and Mike wanted to go, so we did and-"

"I don't want to know anymore." You exhaled, you believed nothing happened with Calum, you just weren't so trusting of Luke, and you weren't even together at the time so technically you had nothing to be angry at.

"Just know it was just a party. I didn't do anything with Georgie." He didn't need to emphasis the ‘I’ for you to be wary of what one of the other boys has done.

Mike and Ash brought girls who weren't Georgie back, Luke was left. You frowned, you hadn't wanted to know anything. You nodded at Cal giving him a reassuring smile before turning to go upstairs. 

"She's missing you." You told Cal in reference to Charlotte.

You didn't even wait for his response, you just turned again to go upstairs. You and Luke had agreed to share a bed, he'd be asleep now you hoped. All you had to do was hop in the bed and keep yourself to yourself. You don't know why you were bugged by what Luke had possibly done, you'd been with Freddie the night before and Luke had confessed his feelings that night drunkenly. Still, it was Georgie and Luke knew too well how you felt towards her.

You crept into your bedroom, making sure not to wake Luke. He was fast asleep, curled up in a ball facing the wall, like always. His many shirts laid around the room, the mess was getting way out of hand. Luke’s phone lay on the desk and it was calling your name, it was so tempting. You threw your jeans off onto the floor, adding to the disgusting site of the room. His phone was still staring at you, you looked at Luke’s sleeping body and back at the phone. He didn’t have to know, he wouldn't know, you thought. You tiptoed through the mess across the room and reached for the mobile, slouching down onto the edge of the sofa. You unlocked it with the passcode: 5555, you chuckled as you entered it, the background was you from a year ago, just before you went to his first gig on the 1d tour. It made you feel guilty but your fingers just kept moving. They reached the messages and you scrolled down through them.  
'y/n'  
'cal'   
'Ash'  
Some other threads of whom you didn’t know the name and then you reached the one thing you wished hadn’t appeared.   
'gee'

Fuck.

You saw the preview of the messages and couldn't help yourself. You scrolled into the messages, hoping for the best but expecting the worst. 

‘Gee: had such a good night last night’ and another ‘Gee: hope you got home okay.’ Luke’s replies weren't as bad but contained lots of emojis, some hearts. You knew you weren't with Luke but you loved him, and you were the last person to have slept with him and you should be the only person. Also he was in bed next to you. Either way, you knew you didn't have much say in what Luke did, seeing as he was technically single. But you just hated 'gee' with a passion. You locked Luke’s phone, being wary, and then snuggled down into bed. Luke’s warmth warming you even though you were barely touching, you wanted to be exclusive again, then you wouldn't have to worry about shit like this.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
You slowly rolled onto your side, reaching for your phone that was placed delicately on the floor. The brightness of your phone was still on the highest level making you quint as the time came into focus; 4am. You wiped your tired eyes smearing yesterday's mascara down your face before swinging your legs over the side of the bed, turning your head back to Luke who was still facing the wall sound asleep. You really weren't feeling going back to sleep, you had too many voices in your head, too many things to think about that.

You wandered down the stairs to the kitchen, breaths becoming heavy. You leant over the sink, rocking back and forwards. The anxiety and stress was getting the better of you and you were sick, a little falling around your mouth. You wiped it away with the back of your hand and washed the rest of the mess down the sink with water so no one would know. You grabbed the juice from the top of the fridge and gulped it down. 

"You're up early." You swung around, Michael stood wearing only his joggers, running his hands through his hair. 

"So are you." You replied.

"Didn't get much sleep." Michael stated, you wondered why. 

"Same."

Michael nodded at you in understanding, at least he was sympathising with you, not point blank ignoring you. 

You sat down in a chair leaning over the table, face down. 

"That rough a night?" Michael chuckled, as you groaned into the table.

You lifted yourself up having to use nearly all the effort in your body.

"When I'm not dealing with my own problems, I'm stuck in between everyone else's." You humourlessly joked.

Michael was interested now, you could see it in the way he walked and sat in the opposite chair with purpose. 

"Cal?" Was all he had to ask.

You resisted a smile, as Michael once again presented you with an opportunity to offload. You moaned, lowering your head further onto the table.

"I'll take that as a yes." He laughed. 

You turned your head sideways in your arms so you were facing Michael, you yawned, looking at the clock. It had only been 15 minutes since you last checked, the light from the drawn windows was slowly creeping in, ever so slowly.

"You all went to Georgie’s didn’t you?"

"I did, I don't know about the others, I was way too pissed." He chuckled. So he wasn't going to be any help in your quest to find the truth.

"Oh you wanted my help." He said, reading your face.

"Yeah." You dragged, staring at the clock.

"What is it you want to know?" Michael laughed, moving into your eyeline as your eyes weren't moving to meet his. 

"I don't know." You looked up at him, he really was beautiful. "Urrrrgh" you groaned, out loud, moving your head back into the nest of your arms.

"What?" He mumbled. 

Your fucking face thats what.

"Just feel like shit" you half lied.

Michael laughed again, "Don't do that, seriously try me." He was begging for a conversation as he moved across to you, lifting your head up his hands behind your head.

You hated the element of control he had over you, in every way. You moved Michael’s hands from your head and sat up.

"You were too drunk, what about the others?"

Michael’s eyes lit up in knowledge of what you were asking. "We all were, you got an idea of it from Luke." He stabbed at you jokingly into your arm, you didn't find it funny in the slightest, you didn't want jokes you wanted details.

You frowned intentionally, causing Michael to pronounce his smile.

"Seriously though I can't remember much, there were lots of girls and the next day Cal said something to me about him Luke and Georgie, that's about it." 

So there was something, with Cal and Luke like you had expected. You weren't going to get much more out of Michael although it didn’t stop you from trying.

"What’s your opinions on her now?"

"Georgie?"

"Yes." You inquisitively asked. 

"She's a bit of bitch if I'm honest." He sighed, with a hint of a laugh in his voice. 

You pulled your eyebrows in tight, she was a bitch but he'd bed her.

"Like, she's good for a shag y/n." He explained.

You nodded, again looking at the clock. It was now 5, and your eyes were very heavy.

"How can you sleep with such a horrid person though Mike?" You asked, confused.

"You don't fuck a personality." He said bluntly.

You smiled at him, not very convincingly, as if to agree. Although you didn’t think you could jump into bed with someone you didn’t actually have feelings towards. It made you think of when you slept with Michael, you must have had some sort of feelings for him. 

"Do you ever read her tweets?" You yawned, stretching your legs out under the table, nudging against Michaels as you did it, neither of you pulled away.

"I read a lot of that lots tweets, they write a lot of shit." He yawned back, in reply to yours. His leg was slowly moving, rubbing on your bare skin. 

"Want a fag?" He asked, rolling one up in front of you.

"Better not." You huffed, your legs still nudging in sync.

"Because little Lukey says you can’t." He mocked. 

You took the cigarette from Michael’s hands. "Fuck little Lukey!" You scoffed.

As you walked outside and lit up you were reminded again of how freeing this felt and how nice it was to be with Michael who ignored you face frontally whenever Luke was around. You watched as the smoke trailed from Michael’s lips, making them more than humanely attractive. You loved Luke but something about Michael always put you on edge. 

"Quit staring." Michael pulled you, laughing.

You flicked your eyes back down to the ground, inhaling the nicotine through the cigarette. It was your weakness that could never deny you.

"So what's the deal then? Cal got with Georgie?" Michael asked you, it wasn't cigarette time without a chat.

"She says so, personally I think it was Luke." You outright confirmed the thoughts that had been bugging you mind. 

"Wouldn't have been the first time." Michael said without sympathy, causing your stomach to flip in disgust. The thought disgusted you, but you weren't going to flip out on Michael, you were enjoying your time together.

"True." You murmured, taking another drag. 

The smoke hit the back of your throat and the heat of it made you cough, Michael laughed. 

"You haven't smoked in too long." He said, carrying on his chuckle. 

You punched his arm lightly and sat down on the patio step, tapping out your ash on the edge. Michael sat next to you, slumping over, his normal sitting stance. 

"You don't trust anyone really, do you y/n/?" He asked, twisting his head to look at you. 

He blew his smoke out in your face, you laughed, wafting it away.

"You know I don't trust people easily."

"You've known and been with Luke for ages, and you still don't trust him?" His voice was so deep nearing a growl.

His face was so close to yours, his breath was warm against your skin. You shrugged, disappointingly. He put his arm around your shoulder, pulling you into his chest, the smell of smoke potent on his shirt. The half hug was exactly what you needed, it seemed that even a slight intimacy was good with Michael. You weren't even in a drama, but you were never emotionally stable. You breathed in the toxicity from Michael’s shirt, that's what he was to you, toxic. He was your cigarette, something you craved even though you knew how bad it was you. You finished off your cigarette, before stubbing it out. You took a deep clean breath before moving over, away from Michael's chest. Michael shifted himself to get used to not having you over him. 

"So you and Luke, you back together?" He always seemed to ask the same things.

"No."

"And Freddie?"

"Not happening anymore". 

Michael nodded in understanding, there was a lot of temporary’s in his life. You'd never been one, and you didn't want to become one. The cold morning was nippy, you hadn’t even noticed you’d been shivering until Michael opened his arms to you.

"Want to come back?" he said.

You shook your head. "I'm going to head in." You said through a sigh, scampering to your feet, pulling your t-shirt down so it was just covering your pants.

"Why are your relationships always so fucked up." He murmured, turning his head over his shoulder, to look at you, his eyes scanning your bum as he spoke. 

"Because I'm fucked up." You replied, not even bothering to look at him but you could hear his chuckle travel as you walked through the house.

You made your way into the lounge, crashing onto the sofa, even the living room was cold.

"Someone needs to turn on the fucking heating." You whispered to yourself making no attempt to do it yourself, instead pulling a blanket up to your chin. 

PING. Your phone sounded, 'Unknown; still not talking to me?'

You guessed it was Freddie, you had deleted his number and not even texted him back since the incident. 

'why are you texting me so early, fuck off" Was your reply.

You were tired and bitter and in the mornings had no filter. You dropped your phone onto your chest and dazed into space. Freddie was an asshole that much was clear, an apologetic asshole but still. You weren't about to go back to that, even though it would have been an easy option out. You weren't so keen on anything you had been keen on a week ago.

You hesitated before picking your phone back up, switching on airplane mode and digging a pair of headphones out from the side of the sofa where you lost all of them. You brushed them over, not nearly as worried about the mess in the lounge as you should have been. You turned up the boy’s album, it was sneaky and cringey but you had to zone out. As you made your way through the songs, you imagined them live and how much you loved the feeling of seeing them doing what they loved the most on stage. You loved meeting fans and chilling with the boys after the shows. You had started to rethink a rethink, your mind was scrambled. There was no erasing it, you had to make decisions soon.

"Y/n?"

"Oi get up." 

You opened your eyes before your brain could take hold of the situation. Ash stood over you, motioning to take out your headphones. 

You took one out, "What?" you asked, moodily, obviously enjoying your nap in the peace and quiet.

"We’re going out for breakfast, want to come?" You nodded tiredly, latching on to his hand that offered a lift up.

"Offt, you're heavy, I don't know how Luke copes with you on top of him." He laughed hysterically at his joke. 

"That's why I'm on bottom." You giggled, nudging past him out of the room.

You could hear him pretending to throw up on the other side of the door, laughing your way up the stairs into the bedroom. Luke was half way through putting his generic black daps on as you walked in.

“Morning." You smiled, trying to forget everything you and Mike had spoke about.

"Hey, get ready we’re going out." He quickly blurted, kissing your forehead and jogging through the door. 

You paused on the spot. He was acting like he was before, like you were dating again. 

"Y/n hurry up!" Calum called.

You threw on clean pants, your black jeans and your black boots and ran down the stairs. 

"There she is."

"Let's go."


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is one of my favourite chapters we've ever written.

You all hopped in the black car you used to get from place to place as a unit when everyone was on break. It was pretty obvious, most fans recognised the car and started snapping pictures of it as you backed out on your way to breakfast. You didn't feel like breakfast and by the looks of things neither did Michael, you sat in silence for a while obviously going quite far out for food for the privacy. 

Calum soon broke the serenity though, "Still not replying to me."

He was talking about Char, telling all the boys that you'd been involved as he was directing the statement to you. She'd probably still be asleep with a bit of a hangover from pity drinking but he didn't know that. Luke put his hand on your thigh, before leaning over to whisper in your ear from where he sat beside you. 

"Aren't you glad we're not like that anymore?"

Aren't we? You thought, I'm sure things aren't as peachy as you think. 

You smiled back, pushing your messy hair behind your ear. You placed your hand on his, rubbing it a couple times then slowly pushing it from your leg. Ash was in the seat next to you, laying across it, his legs crossed over two seats. Michael sat in front next to driver, he was watching the world go by through the window, sulking. You took a whiff of the jumper you had slung over yourself before leaving. The smell of smoke stuck to your hair and was rubbing off onto your clothes and your being. You wondered how Luke hadn’t caught on, or if he had, and was just pretending. 

"So are you two like dating again or what?" Ashton asked, looking up from his phone.

"Yeah, I’m confused." Calum added.

You turned around to face Luke, his mouth was parted as he shook his head and shrugged. 

"It's not that easy mate." Luke laughed, playing it off.

Michael quickly jumped out of the van as you pulled up to the restaurant. He pushed past the fans that had realised where the van was going or had just ran to see the boys, and made his way inside. 

"What's his problem?" Ash scoffed, sliding the side door open and stepping out.

Luke was suddenly behind you as you steeped out of the car, you shook your head before Luke could ask you about Mike. You walked forward through the crowd, too aware of Luke’s presence behind you, he wasn't touching you but he was in a protective stance behind you. He'd always been like that, over protective of you especially in crowds. You smiled where you couldn't avoid cameras and tried your hardest not to look as if you'd had hardly any sleep. As soon as you got in the restaurant you took a deep breath, you would never be able to get used to things like that.

Michael had already sat himself at the table, the area of the restaurant you were in was eerily empty obviously for security reasons. It made it strange though, you were always so separated. Luke followed in straight after you, then Ash and Cal.

"You do realise everyone's going to make a fucking deal out of you storming in here now." Calum snapped a less than bothered looking Michael.

"Do I really care?" He retorted.

You sat down next to Michael and Luke sat opposite you, now was not the time for arguments. 

"Don't worry about it, its fine." You bit your own bullet by standing up for Mike. 

Luke pulled a very confused face, grimacing.

"You don't have to stand up for him y/n." Calum blared at you.

Luke’s leg was pushing against yours under the table as if to tell you to just stop, you shot a glance at him. 

"I’m just saying it’s excusable to have a bad day, we all do." You spoke across the table.

Ash sat next to Calum, who was next to Luke. There day to day manager, who acted more like a babysitter sat next to Michael. He didn’t intervene in the situation but you were very sure he would report back on everything he had heard and seen.

"He's been grumpy for the past fucking 2 weeks and the fans are picking up on it on Twitter."

"Just fuck off Cal" Michael spat quietly.

Calum threw his hands up in defence as soon as the waitress came over they fell into silence. 

"Hey guys, welcome to The Melrose, ready to order?" She smiled.

She had short blonde hair that sat in tight curls, she was petite and her t-shirt was so tight you guessed she was probably trying to gain attention. Ashton whispered something into Cals ear which you guessed was inappropriate towards the very attractive waitress. 

"Yeah, uh 6 full breakfasts." Their manager nodded around the table.

"I'm not hungry." Both you and Michael spoke at the same time, Luke immediately rolled his eyes.

"Okay sure." The waitress batted her eyelashes to the boys, you wondered if you were invisible. You wondered what she thought of you. As she tottered off, Michael didn't even flit his eyes to check her out, which was so out of character. You nudged him, smiling, you were greeted with another kick under the table from Luke and nothing from Michael. Either way you couldn't win.

"She was fit." You rolled your eyes, as the boys but Michael agreed with Ashton's comment.

You watched as Luke laughed with Ash and Cal over another girl, you couldn't say anything though. Instead you pulled out your phone to text Michael. 

'Sup????xx'.

You heard his phone buzz and watched as he checked his phone, it was you and him separated from the others, in a world that only seemed to exist when you had a cigarette in the morning or late night. You watched him from the corner of your eye, presuming he would just shut the phone down and completely ignore the texts, refusing to reply, but you saw his fingers tapping away which made a smile creep upon your lips. Luke smiled back, thinking it was aimed at him, you played along feeling guilty.

Buzz. 

Your phone lit up in your lap, checking to see if anyone was looking you glanced down at your phone. 

‘I'd rather talk later x’ It read.

When were you ever going to talk though, again at 4am, or late at night? Another buzz vibrated in your lap. 

‘Our secret meetings shall continue’ 

You tried to contain your chuckle bringing your hand to your mouth. It felt like you were cheating in a weird way, but it gave you a sense of excitement. 

"Going for a fag." Michael said, getting up before anyone could respond. 

"You can’t they'll see you!" His manager shouted across the restaurant that looked like a generic American diner. 

"I'll go out the back." He shouted back, not looking to face any of the boys.

You wanted to go after him, to talk to him but you couldn't, not without it looking suspicious.

"Thank God, he was really killing the mood." Luke tried to joke, you wouldn't have been able to laugh if you tried.

You wondered what Michael would say to you later, and how long you'd be able to keep this whole thing up. Calum agreed with Luke while Ash drew his stare to you. With a quick appreciative smile and nod Ashton looked away reassured that you were okay. 

"He needs to cut down." The boy’s manager addressed the boys, referencing Mike. You were disagreeing in your head, how could he get rid of his only release. You'd done it, and you missed it like crazy. That's why late nights with Mike and a cigarette were so looked forward to. 

"You can hear it in his voice, he won't be up for tour if he keeps it up". That was Luke being bitchy, you didn't like that side of him at all. 

It was crude and unfair. The boys should have been supporting each other, not pulling at each other’s flaws. Your anger was broken by the petite blonde waitress serving the breakfasts. They looked amazing, you wanted to be sick with the sight of them. 

"Are you sure I cant tempt you with anything?" The girl, whose name card read Bonnie, sweetly spoke with a twang of American that you guessed she was forced to put on because of the American themed diner. 

"I'm sure." You snapped, a little aggressively causing Luke to kick your leg.

“And stop fucking kicking me." You then snapped at Luke. 

"I'll just get you a glass of water, free of course." She smiled, too nicely.

You slumped back in your chair, everyone's eyes on you. You put your head in the one hand that’s elbow was resting on the table. 

"I was just trying to tell you to stop being so grumpy." He whispered loudly enough for everyone else to hear as they were listening so intently. 

"Well I'm not a fucking dog Luke." 

He scoffed at you before tucking into his breakfast. "We all know what you want to do just go and fucking do it." He mumbled, facing down towards his meal, you knew what he meant, and you were going to take the opportunity.

"Fine!" You argued bluntly, pushing you chair back and following out the back entrance where Michael had disappeared. You immediately eyed Michael who was sat on a wooden bench with his headphones in, his fag in his hand. Michael eyed you, pulling his headphones slowly out of his ears, flashing you a look of confusion. You shrugged honestly in response. 

"Hey!" You laughed. 

"What's Luke done?" Michael eyed, gesturing you over to his side.

"Told me to come out here, pretty much saw straight through me." You laughed sitting next to him scotching closer.

Michael handed you a pre-rolled fag and turned to face you as you lit up. 

"Weird seeing you in normal day hours." He laughed.

"I know right… Shame I'm in relationship turmoil." You prided yourself in dark humour. It made you feel better to laugh rather than cry.

"What was up in there?" You carried on to avoid silence.

Michael looked in turmoil, as if he wasn't about to tell you before slipping out "Just you."

He'd decided to tell you. You decided you didn’t want to hear anymore, that was enough to fuck your head up, you didn’t need anything else. You took a drag, blowing out into the wind as you looked up to a building, towering over the back entrance. 

"You make me feel like a nat-ur-al womaan" Blasted through one of the apartment windows.

You burst out laughing, Michael looked up at you, his fag still hanging from his finger.

"When my soul was in the lost and found, you came along to claim it." He started whisper singing up at you, your smile was bigger than your whole face.

"Michael stop." You stuttered out between laughs. 

He got up, offering you his hand, "I didn’t know just what was wrong with me, till your kiss helped me name it." 

You took his hand, he pulled you immediately up. You were now in fits of laughter, Michael’s voice not getting any quieter with every soulful note.

"Are you okay Michael?" You hysterically cackled, he took you into an embrace similar ballroom dancing. He started rocking side to side belting out the lyrics.

"Now I'm no longer doubtful of what I'm living for and if I make you happy I don't need to do more." His voice whispered into your neck, dropping his tone as he snuggled in. The warmth of his breath grazing your skin, until he pulled apart from your neck, looking into your eyes for a moment, a very brief moment but you saw the love in his eyes and it hurt, he tore away just before spinning you out into a dip, leaning over you and seductively singing. 

"Cause you make me FEEL LIKE A NATURAL WOMEN!" 

You laughed so hard, it caused Michael to drop you on the floor. 

"You are strange Michael Clifford." You chuckled from the ground, sitting up and meeting a pair of delicate female eyes at the door.

"Oh sorry was I interrupting?" She giggled, her American twang now completely lost.

You quickly jumped up to your feet standing next to a shocked Michael. You brushed yourself off, before smiling up at Michael. You were so happy, but also you kind of felt shitty as if you'd been caught doing something you shouldn't have been, well you had. 

"It was nothing." You bluntly replied, that girl wasn't as sweet as she made out to be, you knew girls like her too well.

"Oh okay, the others are nearly finished so I thought I'd get you." She said before flicking her hair as she turned on her heels to go back inside.

"So the accents fake then?" Michael laughed nudging you.

"Come on you prat, let's go." You giggled back, as you walked inside with Michael next to you. 

"Oh look who it is." Luke tutted, he was angry.

He'd told you to go it, he couldn't blame you for that. Their plates were now empty and the water that Bonnie, if that was her real name, had brought for you was laying on the table, untouched. You sat down, Michael followed, as the boys were just idly looking at you now.

"You smell like smoke." Luke again tutted at you, you were about to bite back, that you weren't his fucking child, he wasn't your carer, nor was he even your boyfriend right now and you could do what you wanted.

"My fault." Michael said, before you could argue.

Luke shot him a look, then looked back at you, then at Bonnie who had now appeared at the table end. 

"Ready for the bill?" Her high pitched voice sounded, their manager nodded, getting out his wallet ready. 

"You two looked like you were having fun out there." She laughed, snidely winking at you and Michael, whispering it but obviously loud enough for even the whole restaurant to hear.

You rolled your eyes so far back you thought they were going to fall out. Luke parted his mouth to speak as he looked away from Bonnie who had then decided to give Luke a knowing smile as if they’d been talking about you. You didn’t want to know.

"Don't even start Luke." You said, before he could even sound a letter. Luke shot you a look that spoke that this was unfinished business, you didn't really care. 

"Where we going now?" Michael asked, breaking the silence and taming the awkwardness, you could've kissed him for it. You wouldn't though, or you would, you didn't know. 

"Oh he speaks other than profanities." Ashton laughed, Michael simply shook his head.

The change in mood was drastic, and uncomfortable. Bonnie came over again to let the boys manager pay the bill, you noticed Luke flicker his eyes over her obviously, he was in a shitty mood and he obviously wanted you to be as well. As the manager paid you all stood up to leave, you gravitated towards Michael not speaking as you went to exit. Luke however hung back, you saw him smiling his charming smile at Bonnie, before reaching for his phone in his back pocket.

“Thanks for the chat earlier, I hope I’ll see you soon.” He winked at her.

You couldn't watch anymore as you focused in on Michaels half hatred, half sympathetic look instead. You wondered if you were still his background, getting girls numbers was easy for him, but with you there, it wasn't easy on anyone. 

"He's only doing it to get at you." Michael said, edging closer to you, his hand brushing the back of your top thigh. 

"Thanks but you don't have to try and make me feel better." You smiled unconvincingly at him. He nudged into you, as you stepped closer to the exit.

"You'd do it for me."

As you walked out you saw crowds of fans had gathered, having time for the news of the where the boys were to spread like wildfire through Twitter.

"Michaels what's wrong?"

"Michael!" 

"Michael are you okay!" 

The shouts were flooding in, you rushed through the crowd, some people shouting for you but it was not you who they really wanted. You slammed yourself shut in the car as the boys stood outside taking photos.

Bonnie looked on through the restaurant window, she wasn't Luke’s type, she was the type of girl that would annoy him, you guess he was changing. You must've sat for a good 10 minutes in the car alone, Michael was making you feel happy right now, and Luke was being a dick, things should've been simple but they never were with you. As the door slid open for the boys to get in you took in the scream from the fans, you wished you could scream along with them, get some emotion out. The boys sat in the same places as before, however this time Luke didn't even acknowledge you. To distract yourself you took out your phone to text Char hoping she'd be up and okay.

'How are you?xo' was good enough.

Michael was smiling now, you could see his face in the front driving mirror, it felt good not worrying about what was bothering him. The drive went pretty quickly back to the house, and before you know it you were repeating the exit from the restaurant again, this time just in to your house. It wasn't as extreme but it was always full on. This time you smiled at a few familiar faces, before unlocking the house with your key and heading to nab a space on the couch. Char had text you back in the car but you hadn't checked it yet as you felt eyes burning into your skin from every angle in the close proximities of the car. You pulled your phone out to finally check it.

Char: I'm better, haven't sorted anything yet, need time.x 

You were unsure if anything had ever been more relatable to you in your whole life. Calum came walking in on his phone, staring at the screen. You wondered how frustrated he was never getting a text back out of how many he was sending to her a minute.

"Not replied yet?" You asked, trying to sound as if you had been talking to her.

"You know she hasn't." He said surreptitiously, slumping down next to you. Calum was one of those friends that you could each insult and would insult you , or you would give eachother sly remakes but it didn’t matter because you were over it in seconds.

"Sorry." He mumbled, you nodded in acceptance.

"I'm just so- urgh." He didn’t know where his emotions were at and that's how you felt all the time. He was having a taste of your life.

Ashton and Michael came in next, without Luke. You didn’t even have to ask where he was before they told you. 

“He's gone to his room." Ash said before sitting down. 

You should've guessed, you imagined him up there texting Bonnie. He hadn't spoken to you since Bonnie had ratted out you and Michael, you should probably go and talk to him. You stood up considered just walking straight up to see him before you decided to delay the argument. Instead you turned and sat down next to Ashton on the same sofa you and Luke had sorted things out an a few days earlier, it seemed a lifetime ago. You threw your feet up on him, which caused him to animatedly frown. 

"Go bother your boyfriend upstairs instead". Ashton laughed, you didn't.

"Not my boyfriend." You confirmed again, defensively. 

"Go bother your fuck buddy then." He laughed again, nudging you trying to get you to laugh with him. You looked at him trying to hold your stern expression.

"Shut up." You burst out in a giggle, you couldn't contain yourself.

"So you're not denying i-"

"He's not my fuck buddy." You beat him to it. 

He laughed, turning to face the TV, his hands brushing your leg as he focused his eyes to the TV. He probably didn’t even know he was doing it. 

"What we actually doing today?" Michael asked, into a void of silence.

"Oi, what we doing today?" He asked again, louder.

Both Ash and Calum faced him, shrugging. 

"Luke usually plans our days, I don't know." Calum continued, you huffed. The days were starting to get boring. 

"Can no one else decide what we do?" You joined in, you hated sitting in all day.

The boys spoke in unison, "Nope". 

You literally face palmed yourself, you were living with a bunch of idiots.

"I'll go find out then." You stood up with purpose before heading up the stairs to Ashton's wolf whistling. You brushed it off, taking in the joke.

You walked straight into Luke’s room without even bothering to knock seeing as it was your room as well. Luke was sitting against the wall on his bed texting, with Blink 182 playing quietly in the background.

"What we doing today?" You bluntly asked, Luke raised his head smirking at you.

"Might meet up with Bonnie." 

Your stomach knotted, God he was a dickhead. You had slept with him the night before, he was acting as if he was your boyfriend today, then he goes and does this. You hoped for everyone’s sake he was fucking around. You really wanted to be with Michael at this point, you were just so done.

"So you're not doing anything with us then?" You skimmed over his comment and the nasty smirk on his face.

"Maybe." He wasn't even looking up from his phone. 

You moved around the room, picking up odd items, tidying your make-up desk.

"Very vague." You mumbled, sighing into Luke’s black jumper that you picked off of the floor before folding it up to put it in a drawer. 

"Throw it here." Luke stated, you chucked it at him whilst picking up other clothes from the floor and folding them in your arms.

"Leave them, I'll do it later."

"You want it to be tidy for bonnie, if she comes back." In your head you spat it, but you said it sweetly, as if you were just his friend and you were casually talking about his new girlfriend. 

"I wouldn't bring her in here, if you were here, would I?"

"Guess not." The upset obvious in your eyes, you shuffled out of the room.

"See you later." He called, not looking up, as if nothing between you ever happened. 

You wanted to cry or scream but you were void of emotion. Instead you just lumbered down the stairs, and into the lounge where the boys remained unmoved. As you walked in blinking doubly as to avoid tears, Mike Cal and Ash looked at you expectantly.

"No time for us, seeing his new bit on the side." You'd bit your tongue around Luke but you weren't about to do it around the others.

Michael looked disappointed, angry even, in fact all the boys did. 

"He needs to sort himself out." Ashton started.

"Like I said, he knows this thing with her is winding you up, don't react to it." Michael explained, gesturing you over.

You walked over to Michael before sitting in his lap, curling into him. Cal and Ash just side eyed you two, it's not like anyone could object to you seeking comfort.

"I know it just sucks, like after last night." You stopped yourself realising it wasn't great to talk about sex with someone else, in another person who liked you’s lap.

Ash chuckled at the thought of it, turning to Calum with a grin on his face making him laugh as well. You snuggled your head into Michael's neck, half in embarrassment, half the fact your heart was being torn in two. 

“You're ok with this, aren’t you?" You whispered to Michael as the other boys focused on the TV. 

"What do you mean?" He looked down at you, his fingers drawing small shapes on the bottom of your leg. 

"This, I don't want to," you paused. "Lead you on." You whispered quieter than before.

"You're not leading me on." He whispered into your hair. "You're only leading someone on if you don't like them."

You looked up at him on confusion at what he was trying to get at.

"You're not leading me on because I know you do like me". 

You debated what to say. You did like Michael, you could never deny that but you loved Luke. No matter how many times he screwed you ever you knew you would always go back. You decided not to say anything and just nodded into Michael’s chest, causing his mouth to break out in a grin. You smiled at the thought that you'd caused Michael to be so happy, you had no clue what you'd just done but it felt right. Michael zoned back into the TV whilst he absentmindedly carried on touching you, your phone vibrated, and you reached around to check your message only letting the picture of you and Luke hurt you for a second.

Unknown: I'm truly sorry please give me another chance.

Freddie again, you had no intention of putting yourself through that again, three was a crowd. Instead you snuggled into Michael, resting your eyes. You could've drifted into a sleep if it wasn't for a cough from the doorway. You eased your eyes open to find a tensed Luke observing you and Michael. You both stared at each other for a while, neither of you breaking apart. Michael turned to face him, he didn’t move or say a word and just focused back onto the telly, subconsciously his fingers stopped creating patterns on your skin that you were most enjoying.

"Going to see Bonnie." He called into the lounge, not breaking his eye contact with you.

"Have fun." You smiled, trying to hide the pain, blinking away a few tears. It was fucking ridiculous, he’d known her a few hours, how could he trust her.

"I will." He mumbled, blinking a few times as if he was doing the same thing.

The eye contact lasted for what seemed hours, but he soon took his attention away when the doorbell rang. He took a double take at you and the door as if torn between the two, you knew which one he would go for.

"Bye!" He shouted, a slight croak in his voice, before walking out. 

“I’d offer revenge sex but that's a little inappropriate." Michael laughed into your hair, maybe a little too loud as the grin on your face caught the attention of Cal and Ash.

Ashton looked amused, whereas Calum looked conflicted. You simply pulled away from Mike a bit before smiling to them.

Ashton winked, he fucking winked at you, Michael took it as a compliment giving him a thumbs up.

Cal, however gave you pity eyes, you could imagine how he'd feel if he had to see Char going out with someone else, maybe he understood. 

"Can't believe he actually went through with it!" Calum explained, reasoning his facial expression.

"Told me he wouldn't bring her back because of me then acted like he didn't know me." You blurted feeling Michael tense under you.

Calum cringed, it was embarrassing on Luke’s part. You would hold him to this.

Michael instead shifted under you, you stood up and he followed suit. 

"I'm going to go chill in my room, coming?" You knew he was trying to get away from the conversation of Luke.

"I'll follow you up." You replied as Mike smiled before leaving the lounge.

"Don't do something I wouldn't." Ash winked, a laugh forced through your throat, followed by a shake of your head before you followed behind Mike. 

You pushed open his door, the room was set out a lot like Luke’s, except Michael didn’t have a sofa and his TV was on the wall opposite his bed, surrounded by different consoles and games. Michael had a controller already in his hand, he looked to you briefly then back to the game. 

"You just going to stand there all day?" He laughed as you made your way over to the bed, fitting yourself next to Michael’s body. 

You placed your arm over him rolling on to your side. He looked down at you for a moment and smiled. Over time your hand made its way down to the bottom of Michael torso. You played with the hem of his shirt, whilst closing your eyes. After a while your hand unconsciously started to move back up but this time under his loosely fitting shirt, your fingers played around along his body until they finally rested on his bare chest. Michael was playing some violent looking game, but his outer attention was on you. You could feel the shift of his torso as he breathed heavily, you wondered how he felt about things. You carried on running your hand over the whole of his torso, across to the jut of his hips back to his tight stomach. All the boys had been working out recently, preparing for tour life again. Touring ran them down, and even though they complained about days like today when they did nothing but relax, you knew it was their favourite type of days.

You shifted down into Michael's arms, stilling your hand. He was facing front forward, the light of the game illuminating him. He looked so beautiful, so tempting.

"Do you want to play?" He laughed, motioning his head toward the controller. 

You groaned, nudging your head into the gap of his collarbone.

"Go on." He said pushing you away towards the spare controller. 

You picked it up, you hadn’t played in forever.

"I don't even know how to use it." You chuckled, swinging your legs over his at the bottom of the bed, his feet playing footsie with yours.

"Oh my fucking god, we used to play all the time." He exclaimed, picking multiplayer.

You could imagine him mumbling 'before Luke' under his breath but he refrained from it.

"You even used to beat me, that's not going to happen now." He carried on, nudging your side.

"All right, all right." You laughed, turning to him. "I bet I'll win." You said bluntly.

"Nah." He laughed, dragging out turning on the game.

"Don't nah me, I'll telling you, I will win." You spoke sternly, you weren't backing down.

"Okay, then let's make a bet." 

That never leaded to anything good. 

"Fine, if I win you have to…" You stopped for a moment. "Wait on my every hand and foot."

He chuckled and nodded his head in agreement. "Okay well, If I win…" He laughed, you hadn’t really thought this through. "If I win then you get to sleep in here with me tonight."

You laughed, agreeing. You were expecting worse and to be honest you had been considering doing so anyway, just to spite Luke. 

As Michael started the game, a row of zombies invaded the screen, the basic idea was to shoot them, and whoever survived the longest won. It was pretty simple if it wasn't for the fact Michael kept kicking your foot, hard, as a distraction. This game used to be routine, a lot of things used to be routine for you and Michael. You tried your best at the game, flashing Michael your best game face every now and again to prove you were serious. It was great until a swarm of zombies attacked you.

"No!" You yelled as Michael burst into hysterics. "No stop eating me."

You were jerking your body as if it would have any impact on the game, it didn't. 

"Stooopppp!" You winged as your health bar hit critical. It was all over with a bite to your electronic characters chest. 

You sulked loudly, "That wasn't fair."

Michael turned to you pulling you into a hug again, he couldn't keep his eyes or hands off of you. "I win."

"Rematch!?" you shouted, slamming your fingers on the controller.

He just laughed at your pathetic state, one because you were trying to start a new game with a hand set that wouldn't do it and two, because you were near to tears over a zombie game.

"All that time with Luke you should have spent gaming, see."

You shoved into his side. "It was a fluke mate." 

You grabbed his controller from his hand, trying to restart up the game. He jumped over you, trying to snatch it. 

"Get off me Michael!" You screamed laughing, half your body was now hanging off of the bed. Your sides were aching with laughter as you tried to keep the control away from him. Michael grabbed your legs, pulling you back up.

"Do you really not want to sleep in the same bed as me that much y/n/n?" He was in hysterics, as were you.

Michael’s hands still wrapped tightly around your legs, keeping you on the bed. Your one hand was holding his hand, the other was gripped to the bed frame.

"Michael my trousers!" You shouted, they were starting to slip down your waist as you squealed around in fits of laughter. "Michael!"

"Ok, what the actual fuck is going on?" Ashton said, appearing at the door.

Michael quickly moved away from you just staring at Ash, not touching you for the first time in over an hour. You were left breathing heavily, flustered on the bed, your trousers were exposing the bottom of your stomach, and your hips. You could easily see how the situation could've been perceived by Ashton who was still gaping at the door. Ironically it was probably the most innocent situation you’d been in for a while.

You took a deep breath then pulled yourself up to sit on your knees.

"Nothing....." You sounded suspicious already.

Ashton gestured wildly to both of you with his hands. "This is not nothing." He then pointed directly to Michael who was still flushed from laughter. "What were you doing?"

You moved closer to Michael again, displaying the fact that you were not against him. "Playing video games." You said honestly, Ashton didn't look convinced. 

"Since when do we walk on each other?" Michael questioned Ashton suspiciously. 

"Well y/n was screaming the house down…" He said with a slight smirk.

"Well, when Bianca used to scream the house down, I wouldn't burst in on you two would I?" Michael replied defensively.

You hit his leg, just how Luke was hitting yours at breakfast. Ashton looked down, the subject of his ex-girlfirend obviously still raw.

"No need for that." Ashton remarked. "I was just checking if she was ok."

You smiled in thanks, as he nodded your way as if to say no problem.

“What? You thought I was hurting her?" Michael got off the bed, striding toward Ash who was still stood at the door. 

You went to grab Michaels arm but he shook you off. 

"It’s just what it sounded like mate." Ash put his hands in the air in defence.

“Mike come back here you idiot." Michael turned around to you. "And Ash its fine, we weren't doing anything, you were just cock blocking Mikey." You winked at him, trying to make light of the tension.

"Sorry guys." Ashton laughed again, before turning and leaving.

You stood up off of the bed and walked about 3 steps towards Michael who was by the door. He looked down, his fists clenched together in front of his body. 

"I would never hurt you." He reassured you, taking his eyes from his fists to your eyes.

He meant it in every sense of the word and you could feel the raw emotion in his voice, it hit you right in the heart.

"Just because of what happened with Luke..." He started.

You flinched again with the memory, you doubted that would ever leave you. The mention of Luke’s name wasn't really appreciated but it reinforced Michaels point. 

"I know you wouldn't."

"I don't just mean physically." Michael said under his breath.

He was so sincere, in that moment it felt like you two were the only people on the earth who were existing.


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait, and again thank you for all the support.

"And I'll try not to hurt you too."

The word ‘try’ wasn’t meant on purpose it subconsciously slipped out, it wasn't meant to be in bad intent. 

"Thanks." He murmured, sarcastic, turning from you walking toward the bed.

“I just can’t be sure that I won’t." You stuttered out, a lump in your throat. 

“I understand y/n."

You shook yourself. "But you don't, I didn’t want this. Any of it." You started to cry.

How the situation could change so quickly was unclear to you.

"I didn’t mean to fall for you, and now I can’t help myself and I can’t tear myself away. But I'm just messing with your head because-"

The tears were falling quicker than your relationship with Luke was. 

"Because I still love him." 

The letters that spelt his name wouldn't form in your mouth. 

"I know." Michael breathed. "And I don't care, because if that's the only reason that's holding you back, it shouldn't." 

His tone was so genuine, the words he spoke were so soft that you felt they were wasted on you. The afternoon sun was coming through the window and shone on Michael’s pale skin. You felt as if the world had just stopped, letting you admire him. His hair, dyed a couple of times since last week, was a faded orange colour, you liked it. You wanted to run your hands through it. His lips were dry and an ordinary pink colour, there was nothing extraordinary about them, but somehow you were attracted to them, more so the words he spoke from them. The way they curled when he smiled. The way they moved against yours when you kissed.  
You were screwed there was no way you could remain in the room with Mike any longer before feeling his skin against yours, your lips against his. You walked into Michaels embrace before letting Michael have a glimpse into your mind. 

"I can’t promise you anything, but right now I just want you." 

Before Michael could reply you pushed yourself up into him, your lips locking his, the roughness of his top lip scratching into your face in intimacy. Michael brought his hands around your waist resting them just above your ass. You ignored how Luke wouldn't have hesitated. It was a good different though. Michael deepened the kiss, he'd been waiting for this. You were so into this, you wondered why you'd held yourself back so long.   
You pulled your hands round to the back of Michael’s neck, one hand drifting into his hair, causing your fingers to get tangled in his birds nest. Michael’s hands, on the other hand travelled down past your butt so they rested underneath it, and with one swift movement he picked you up, wrapping your legs around him. He stumbled back a few paces with the amount of force he took from your body. You bit down on Michael’s lip in the heat causing him to chuckle and pull away for a moment. Your foreheads fell onto each other, you were out of breath with passion even though you hadn’t even done anything yet.

"That's new." He laughed, picking up on the nibbling of his lip.

"I'm trying new things." You winked, as Michael placed his lips back on yours.

Moving together in a rhythmic motion you moved around the room, you remained attached to his front. 

"Ouch." You exclaimed, laughing, as Mike pushed you up and against the wall a little too hard.

"Sorry." He whispered into your neck.

You shrugged, before attaching your mouth onto Michael’s neck, you'd always liked marking and being marked. It made things seem more intimate, and less one night. Michael groaned, pushing his body even more against you, pressing you into the wall. There was no space between you now, your bodies were perfectly aligned. You shifted up a bit against the wall, making use of the grip Michael had on you. If anyone had walked in the assumption that you were basically fucking against the wall could be made. You bit gently, teasing Michael again as you finished off the love bite you'd stamped his neck with. Michael moaned at the nip of your teeth, before shifting your weight against him again, picking you up and moving you towards his bed. You kept your legs wrapped around his strong middle, as Michael laid you onto the bed, resting on top of you. He brought his arm up from beneath you, caressing over your lip, before pressing a chaste kiss against your swollen lips. 

"If Ash walks in now we’re fucked." Michael spoke, hovering over your lips with a slight smirk on his face. 

You grabbed onto his collar, bringing him closer to your face.

"You should get a fucking lock then, shouldn't you." You smirked back at him.

He mocked your comment, in a high pitch tone before rolling himself over so that you were now on top of him. You could feel his hips on yours, shifting underneath you. Michael’s hands fumbled around at the bottom of your t-shirt, you held them down. You were starting to feel a little anxious, you had slept with Luke the night before and you didn’t really feel like sleeping with his best friend the day after. Maybe later you would, but not now. Michael gave you a look of confusion, you leant down and kissed him, placing your hand on his cheek. You lifted your head back up and he nodded, in understanding. A wave of relief rushed through you, not so much relief that you wouldn't be sleeping with Mike but not relief that he understood. You rolled yourself off of Mike, nestling into his side again. You were both just led out on his bed, prepared to do nothing for the rest of the day. Michael coughed uneasily, before sitting up. You didn't even bother getting yourself up you just turned your head, so that at least part of Mike was in your view. 

"Toilet." Michael explained simply before getting up fully and walking towards the bathroom.

You laughed at the fact Michael had gotten that obviously worked up from making out, boys were so easy and didn't you know it. Shame anything other than physical relationships weren't. As you stared up at the ceiling again, you wondered what Luke was doing, if he would turn down Bonnie. If he would sleep with someone else just hours after he'd slept with you. Your brain never seemed to shut off. 

You rolled onto your side, staring at the ceiling was getting boring so you changed it for the wall. Michael’s walls were white just like every wall in the house but he had covered it in drawings and doodles. You read some of the writings and drawings. There were names of girls on it, it made you smile to yourself. How many girls they had slept with was so surprising to you, in your teenage years you only had one boyfriend. The time you had spent with the boys has been the most exciting years yet.

You reached for your phone checking the time, 2:37, it was nearly 3 and you hadn’t done anything all day, you skimmed your eyes down to your messages.

Unknown: you don't even have the decency to reply, wow.'

It made you scoff with a laugh. Again you didn’t reply. You scrolled through your social media's, your Facebook was personal to you, with people you used to know but you hardly went on it. You hated seeing everyone getting on with their lives while you were just known as Luke Hemming’s girlfriend.

Your twitter feed was filled with 'Luke and mysterious girl', 'What about Luke and y/n? You sighed.

"What's up?" Mike asked, standing in the doorway back from the toilet.

"Twitter, no surprise there." You half laughed, you should just delete your twitter, because it would make your life a hell of a lot easier.

Michael walked back over to the bed, sitting next to you looking over you at your phone. He scowled when he saw what was upsetting you, it was all a bit ironic. 

"I'm really sorry, I don't know why he does this to you." 

You wanted to tell Michael that you were as bad, like who falls for someone when they're in love with their best mate? You didn't publicise it to the world though, Luke always did. He was out there with the first girl who double batted her eyelashes at him, and you couldn't do anything about it. While you were still looking over your phone with Mike it vibrated again, 

Char: What the hell is Luke playing at?!? Here if you need me.

Michael laughed at the message, you would've as well if you didn't connect to her words. Chars relationship was on the rocks and she was worried about you, as much as she pissed you off, you loved that girl. 

'Thanks girl' is all you replied with, she was there for you and that was all you needed to hear.

"We have the rest of the day, what do you want to do?" Michael asked, wrapping his arms around you. 

You groaned, pulling the blanket from the bottom of the bed up to your chin.

"Nooo." He laughed, pushing it back off. 

You turned to face him, both your eyes in perfect alignment. He ran his hand over your cheek, they suddenly warmed to his touch, then his hands fell to the bottom of your chin, he guided you as he leant in and kissed you gently on the mouth, as he pulled away, you pushed against him not wanting to stop.

"Let’s go downstairs?" He whispered, hesitating over your lips, dragging you gently from the bed.

"Wait let me sort my hair." You laughed after looking in the mirror.

"Girls and their hair." He moaned, leaning on the wall watching you play around with the messy bun on top of your head.

"Do you want me going downstairs looking like we've just done what we've just done?" You joked back. 

"Well I think the marks on your neck and collarbone are most probably going to give that away". 

You groaned, there was no denying it, you looked a sex dazed mess. Your hair was out of place even though you'd tried to make it presentable. Your neck was littered with love bites, your face flushed, matched with a smile.

"Come on then." Michael joined your fingers with his before pulling you out of the room, it was weird walking down the stairs holding hands with Michael. 

You'd expected to open the lounge door to a few laughs and a snide remark from Ashton something along the lines of ‘do you do nothing but have sex upstairs?’, You were not expecting Luke to be sat on the sofa with Bonnie resting on his chest, as if she knew the rhythm of his heart as well as you. You were expecting to laugh, not tense with angst. You were expecting noise, not a haunting silence, as Ashton and Cal threw you apologetic confused looks from their adjacent sofas. 

Your hand fell from Michaels as your breath hitched and everything stilled. Bonnie lifted her head, placing her hand on Luke’s chest as if he was her possession. You thought up this elaborate back story in your head that she knew who the boys were, she was fan trying to get at you, and the boys would soon figure it out. Yet that wasn’t it. She was just a normal girl, and that's what scared you the most. You hadn’t dealt with normal in a long time.

Michael picked your hand back up, "Let's get out of here." He whispered, comforting you.

You shook your head, you were going to have to face it some time. You fell next to Ash, whilst Mike stood awkwardly before leaving the room. Ash again, gave a sympathetic smile and you nodded in return. It was then that Luke realised you had entered the room, he snapped out of his trance from the telly and followed Bonnies eyes who were directly on you. For a split second you felt as if everyone in the rooms gaze was lying upon you, you felt the weight of everyone's eyes on your neck and collar, yet you were probably being paranoid.

"Afternoon." You mumbled, in their direction. Luke was just gaping at you, shocked that you'd had just taken a seat in the room he was in. Bonnie smiled sweetly at you, you wondered what she knew about you. If she knew you were Luke’s ex, if he had said anything, if she had read anything, Ii it hit her that she wasn’t welcome.

"Hi it was y/n, right?" She asked as if you hadn't met her today, as if your name hadn't been mentioned enough times. 

You nodded back in response, she took that as having made enough effort and rested back onto Luke. 

You hated him then, loathed him and still managed to love him at the same time. You could almost feel your heart breaking inside of you, Michael had left the room, you were in a crowded room, but you'd never felt more alone. You had no idea why he'd brought her back, the boys had never gone against the protocol, and you knew that. A girl only came home if it was serious, and he'd told you he wouldn't bring her back. You stared at the boy mindlessly watching the television and wondered what he'd done with the Luke you'd fallen in love with. You were trying so hard not to cry it felt as though your whole chest was caving in on itself. 

Bonnie laughed along with the TV oblivious to the fact she was causing tension in the room. You wondered if she could feel it; her giggle, her casual chatter and her lips touching the side of Luke’s face suggested otherwise. Her lips moved in slow motion, pushing onto his cheek making an imprint that you would usually leave, her pale pink lipstick stained his skin, you felt like running over and wiping it off. Luke only liked dark lipsticks which you found funny as he had such a big view on make-up for someone who knew nothing about it. Her lips, now half the lipstick on them, pulled off him. Luke didn’t react to the kiss so she nudged his side until he took notice of her. You switched your view onto your phone, distracting yourself from the blonde sweetie sat in the corner. 

ash: what's even going on anymore?

You laughed at the casual manner of his question in his text.

'We’re sat next to each other, is this how communicate now?' You replied, laughing to yourself.

Ashton didn't even look up from his phone as he texted you back, 'Pretty much. Nothing's normal anymore.' 

You laughed again at that, gaining Luke’s attention. 

"Something going on with you two now as well, and here I was assuming Michael gave you all that shit." He snapped angrily gesturing to your neck area, leaving a confused Bonnie still on him. 

He always had to snap, he couldn't just deal with things privately and then sort them out personally he had to make a scene. Bonnie knew nothing and now he'd thrown her in the deep end, not that you cared much about her. 

"Shut the fuck up mate." Ashton retorted, he'd made Ashton flip. That took a lot.

You just hunched up into yourself on the sofa, trying to stop yourself from falling apart. You wished Michael was there, at least you'd have someone to turn to, you would have been even with Luke. 

"So you're not fucking denying it, then?"

You hated when Luke swore when he wasn't joking or in the bedroom. 

"You both need to calm yourselves." Cal sighed, keeping his eyes on the TV.

"Maybe if y/n wasn't sleeping with the whole of the ban-"

"Just because we’re chatting doesn’t mean we’re fucking." Ashton’s voice sounded tired and done with everything. You felt bad for him, you were causing stupid arguments between the boys. 

"Wouldn’t surprise me." He mumbled, putting his arm around Bonnie. You felt bad for her as well. Her face was full of complete shock and confusion as she leant and spoke a whisper into Luke’s ear, everything she did was so perfect, the way her mouth pouted as she whispered was so cute, it pissed you off. 

"No you don't have to go, she can." He said, obviously loud enough for you to hear. He didn’t even invert his eyes on to you. 

What a dick, you thought. 

You weren't going to sit in an awkward room where you weren't wanted. You slowly peeled yourself from the sofa, Ashton hesitating to pull you back but he was too late you were already by the door.

"Oh and just to let you know," you paused and turned towards Luke. 

His face lit up when you finally spoke. 

"We won’t be fucking again tonight, we won’t fuck again ever, actually." You thought you'd have your say before you left the room, to find the only half sane person in the house; Michael.

You walked straight up to Michael’s room, opening the door to find him back on his game. You weren't sure if you were about to cry or what, but as soon as you saw Michael your upset turned to anger.

"Who the fuck does he think he is down there with her in front of me! Does he not know what the rules are, like seriously. And then he basically called me a slut." You ranted out to Michael, he immediately stood up looking shocked at your outburst.

"Shhh." Michael soothed you, stroking your sides rhythmically.

You were shaking beneath Michael you had only just noticed. "I am so tempted to punch him right now." 

You shook your head furiously. You didn't want repeats, you were all supposed to learn from your mistakes. Supposed to.

"I just want you to tell me this isn't happening." You let yourself lose your control at that, sobbing into Michael’s neck, contrasting tears among the kisses of passion that scattered it. Michael tilted your head up, you could see his eyes were watery, you didn't want him to cry because of you.

"I promise it'll get better." He whispered before calming you with a gentle kiss.

"I'll hold you to that." You whispered through sniffles, kissing him back.

He led you back to the bed, he slouched over his controller, back to playing the game. You swung your legs over him again, just like this morning. 

"I don't get him." You mumbled into Michael’s chest. You imagined him shaking his head even though you couldn't see it.

"I think he’s letting love get the better of him." You lifted your head up, and rested it on Michaels shoulder, watching him defeat the zombies in a much quicker time than you had.

"What do you mean?" You asked, not understanding what he was getting at. 

"He still loves you, like you love him-" 

You scoffed at that, you didn’t feel as though you loved him anymore. 

"And I think he wants you back so bad he‘s trying ever tactic."

It made sense; first he sulked, then he slept around, then he acted as if you were still together, now he's being plain nasty. 

"I think he's loves you too much for his own good." 

"It would help him if his actions weren't making me doubt what I feel for him." You explained, you'd always tried to live by a motto of treat others how you'd want to be treated, and you were sticking to it pretty well disregarding Luke. 

"Have you ever been in proper love?" You melted into Michael’s chest, you were inquisitive.

"Dunno. Maybe." Michael replied his fingers slowing on the controller. 

You didn't ask who, or when. You knew you weren't the first person to have their heart broken, but it was your first real heartbreak so you were allowed to wallow. 

"I'm so confused about everything." You confessed, Michael tightened the grip he had on you.

You kind of wished you'd fallen for Michael first, not to replace memories but feelings. 

"Life's confusing." Michael confirmed. It really was, and if you were going to cry into Michaels’ chest tonight, while another girl slept in your bed. That would just be the confusion that is life.

"When you come in here, nothing has to be confusing." He said quietly before he cursed under his breath as a zombie engulfed his flesh, he reset the game again.

"Everything's confusing with you." You moaned, digging your head into his chest then lifting it up to watch the screen, not wanting to miss it.

He breathed out, a laugh in his voice.  
"Shut up." He smacked your leg.   
"No it isn't." He kissed the top of your head, like a boyfriend would.   
"You know how I feel, there's no confusion here."

He cursed under his breath again as zombies infested his home, eating his comrades.

"One behind you!" You shouted. 

"Fuck." He snacked his handheld at ten to the dozen, hitting the zombie with multiple weapons. Before he could kill the creature a message sprung up on the screen from some gamer under the name: tommytankz. He was asking if Michael wanted to multiplay. He agreed, reaching across you for his head set. 

"You alright mate?" He spoke into the mic.   
"Nah just with y/n." He replied back to him, you obviously knew the 'gamer' if he referred to you by your name.

You couldn't hear half of the conversation but only a murmur on the other side of the headset. You watched intently as Michael spoke to, what was for you an unresponsive player. 

"Tom." Michael mouthed silently to you, you probably should've guessed that from the gamer ID. Tom was one of Mikes close friends who also lived in London, he used to hang around with you quite a lot before tour, but then obviously touring strained that. 

You nodded, this is probably what Michael did most afternoons, you couldn't help feeling like you were intruding and changing that. Michael would obviously object, but it didn’t stop you standing up referencing that you needed the toilet.

Michael nodded focused on you. 

As you walked to the bathroom, you walked past Luke’s bedroom his door was wide open, his floor still messy, pictures still up, empty. You tiptoed in, not wanting to let anyone in on the fact you had given in and crept into the room which held all of your emotions. The lounge was directly below, you learnt that lesson before. Your excuse was that as you weren't going to be sleeping in his room, you might as well get your belongings from his room. There was an eerie silence hitting the wall, your head filled the gaps of quiet with memories. You could hear the laughter that once erupted the place into pieces, the late night talks that you'd always forget by morning but somehow made you feel better. Both of you had shed tears in this room, over silly and maybe not so silly things. All your firsts were probably done in this room as well. This was what Luke was becoming, memories with no feelings attached. Tears fell from your eyes as you had the realisation that it was actually, over. You were stood blinking back tears in the middle of Luke’s room, you were absolutely pathetic. The dwell of past memories would never not haunt you.

You started on your way out of the room, taking in all its small details, wondering how different it would like with all traces of you gone. Just as you were about to step over and out of the door, still in a daze you heard a male in front of you, clearing their throat. Your daze was broken as you looked up to see Luke alone, staring at you in confusion, a hand in his hair, his lip bitten. 

You looked down to all of your things in your arms, then back up to the eyes you wished you   
could avoid, you simply shrugged. 

What else could you have said? ‘You're going to remove me anyway so I did it myself to make it quicker’, didn't really seem appropriate no matter how true it was. You brushed past his arm, he was unusually cold for such a humid day. 

"Wait." His voice croaked, but you didn’t wait, you just wanted to hurry away from him, as fast as you could, as fast as your legs would take you.  
"Y/n/n." 

You stopped in your tracks this time, you were being childish.   
"Yes?" You turned, staring at his feet that wore ripped, dirty white socks, you would have laughed if it wasn't for the seriousness of the situation in hand. 

Luke looked you up and down. Eyeing up everything in your arms, as if looking for something that wasn't yours. There was a lot in your hands that weren’t yours, including his favourite band tee and favourite pillow. He noticed them, you could tell by the tiniest of smirks planting itself on his lips then fading quicker that it appeared.


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait :(   
> College is very defeating, but here we go at last :')

"The college called." He finally said. "Wanted to talk to you." 

"Why didn’t you pass it to me?" You said bluntly, not even thanking him for taking the message. 

“I thought you were busy with Mike." He coughed. 

"Did they say anything to you? And also I'm sure a video game can be disturbed for my college phone call." You were getting tired of the awkwardness. Your arms weren't holding a heavy load but from the way they begged to drop to your sides they might as well have been.

Luke was half scowling half looking completely confused. "No, said you can ring them back though, I wrote the number down by the phone. Also not so sure I would have wanted to have disturbed the 'video game'." He gestured sarcastically.

You frowned in the way he used to find adorable, you wanted to play on his raw nerves as he was doing to you. Luke’s face contorted in mixed emotions, you didn't recognise half of them but you recognised anger and hurt. 

"I'm going to go now." You ambled away from Luke, "Have fun with Bonnie." You snapped before turning away and walking towards Mike’s room. 

"She's gone." You heard Luke say behind you. 

If you let out the biggest sigh of relief, no one was to know but you. She’d gone but it didn’t make you feel any better. It didn’t change his actions, or what he said, so you walked away from him. 

"Does that not mean anything to you?"

You scowled to yourself. "What?"

You were not going to turn around again, all the spinning was making you feel sick.

"That she's gone, you made her go, can you not just see me happy?"

"Fuck off Luke." You slowly twisted your body so that half of you casually turned toward him. 

"You had to blurt out that we slept together, now she feels awkward." He spat with a slight sound of guilt in his voice, as if he was putting the anger on. 

"Well I'm so sorry." You laughed sarcastically, bowing down to him. "Next time I'll be more thoughtful of your new girlfriend."

Then without a second thought you stormed off back to Michael, he was for now, your safe base. As soon as you walked through Michael’s door, into his bedroom, he turned his immediate attention to you, taking off his headset and putting the game on pause dropping his controller. You shut his door behind you, creeping towards his bed placing yourself next to him. Begging for reassurance that you were worth more than what you were receiving. The best feeling in the world is falling in love, nothing can beat it, it's exciting and just happy. That's why falling out of love is the worst.

"Don't cry on me again."

Michael never asked much of you, so him asking you not to cry made you rub your eyes in an attempt to erase the sadness. Michael was all over you, the simple tentativeness of his skin against yours had warmth rushing through you. You were momentarily in bliss, the only thing wrong with this whole situation was you wishing you were in love with Michael. Yet you weren't. No matter how hard you tried with all of your heart to be.

"Are you moving house or?" Michael laughed, motioning toward the pile of stuff that you dumped on his floor, from makeup and underwear to your blanket that you never left behind.

"Sorry." You giggled through sniffles of snotty cries. 

You planted your head onto Mike’s shoulder and he placed his lightly on top of yours. Your legs intertwined with his body, like a baby seeking immediate comfort.

"Don’t be sorry." He snorted a laugh, placing a delicate kiss on your forehead then soothing your head by running his hands through your hair. 

"I've been thinking about dyeing it."

Michael ‘huhed’ at you, in confusion.

"My hair, I was thinking of dyeing it."

"Fucking copying me." He chuckled.

"You could just do it for me if you want, seeing as you’re the expert and all." You joked to Michael, who just raised an eyebrow to you. 

You wanted to go ash purple, a new start and all. You'd have to bleach it first, and you wouldn't be able to do that yourself. You looked at Michael's TV to see it was just after 6, Michael was texting as you were thinking. His phone buzzed instantly, he looked up at you.

"We can go out if you want, you can get your hair done." He smiled at you. 

You had no idea how Michael had organised that so quickly.

"Now?" You questioned. 

"Yep, if you want." Michael confirmed, he really would do anything for you, it was reassuring. 

The spur of the moment decision was making your heart race. "What if I don't like the colour?" You started backtracking. 

"Dye it every colour in the world until you do, that’s what I do, still haven't found one I love." He smiled, sitting up swinging his legs off of the side of the bed as he pulled on his boots. "We’re going now, there's no backing out"

He placed his hand in yours and yanked you from the warmth of the bed. You threw on a jumper and a pair of docs before following Michael out of the room, he waited by the bedroom door so he could reach down to your hand and hold it as you wandered to the front door. The sound of the TV coming from Luke’s room suggested he was wallowing in his upset and angry state, you were more focused on the back of Mike and the way his hips moved as he walked and the way his thumb caressed your hand carelessly as he held it in a loosely fitting yet tight grip.

"Going out!" Michael announced, he waited for you to call as well but he gave in and did it for you.   
"With y/n!" He carried on.

Ash and Cal called back some muffled witty comebacks and wolf whistles. Before you left you realised you were going to have to face the hordes of fans surrounding the house. You hadn’t had to face the fans that hung about since the Georgie rumours. Michael opened the door, a chorus of screams paraded to the door.

"Mike wait." You pulled on the top of his jeans, sending him to a holt. Michael turned back around to face you, a confused eager expression on his face.   
"I just don't want to make quick decisions and I haven't seen the fans in so long and they know everything and I just want to do anything but step out of the house right now." You babbled out, you were working yourself up into a state.

Michael just softly smiled before shutting the door, hushing the distant noise of something you weren't ready to face just yet. 

"I think your hair is beautiful like that, but I want you to feel the same as me." Michael spoke, as if he knew every little word you needed to hear. 

You nodded, speechless leading Michael back along the corridor. 

"I'm going to try the out of hour’s college number, see what they want." You explained to Michael, he looked soft and content and you were almost sure that anything you said he would let you do or agree with.

"Okay babe, I'll see you upstairs?" 

You nodded blushing at his use of the word babe, it almost felt exclusive. With a brief smile he headed back up the stairs leaving you to find the phone and make a call that could change your life as you knew it.

The phone rang 3 times as you entered the number, each ring you got more anxious and slammed it down onto the receiver. You breathed out a few elongated gasps, clearing your head. You picked it back up, shaking. Just to find yourself doing the same thing and throwing it at the desk where the phone lived in your hallway. 

"What’s the worst that can happen?" 

You span around to see Luke at the bottom of the stairs. 

"How long have you been there?" You murmured.

"Long enough to know you're getting yourself worked up over nothing."

You nodded, leaning to reach the phone, dialling for the third time lucky. You tried turning towards Luke to thank him for his words but he'd gone. 

"Hello?" A voice sounded as if it had been asking you for a while.

"Yes, sorry, you called earlier and I was unavailable."

"Name please?" 

"Y/f/n."

You were shaking as you heard the lady, whose voice sounded friendly and warm pass the phone over to another reception. The voice, though excitable, wasn't calming you.

"Hello y/n!"

"Hello." You smiled down the phone, you sat on the bottom step, twirling your thumbs over each other.

"We were just ringing to confirm your interview for tomorrow."

Fuck, you thought. You had completely forgot.

"Oh yes, I'll be there." You said without a pause.

"Good, we'll see you tomorrow at 2." 

She put the phone down, your phone still hung to your ear as you tried to come to terms with the whole prospect of college. Your whole idea was to start anew but you'd finally come to the realisation that had haunted you for the past weeks. You would be stuck in an inbetween: you would have to leave your life behind to start a new one. You had nowhere to stay, no one who knew about you. And you couldn't just go running back to the boys, because they'd most likely be thousands of miles away. You gathered yourself, telling yourself to deal with things tomorrow when they became more real. You diverted into the lounge just to see if anyone was in there, Ash was on his laptop. 

"Thought you'd gone out with Mike."

"Decided against it." You confirmed.

Ashton nodded before zoning back in on his laptop, you took that as your queue to leave and head back up to Michael’s room. As you went to head into Michaels you looked across to see Luke’s door open again, you wondered if he was inside. You were always more exposed to thoughts of him when you had no other distraction. You needed to clear things with him before things with you and Michael went too far. You took the open door as an opportunity, knocking before entering, something you hadn't done before. There was no answer so you just popped your head round the side. 

Luke looked up from his phone, taking his ear phones out, the noise of his music blaring out as he led them next to him. He smiled at you, reassuringly. 

"Can we talk?" You choked out.

"Uh yeah." He scooted up the bed, making room for you on the end.

You walked in sitting on the edge, not making yourself comfy as you knew as soon as you did you would just fall for Luke.

"I'm just, sorry for everything Luke." You mumbled into yourself. 

You wanted a clean slate, yet at the same time it was the thing that scared you the most. You could feel Luke tense from through the mattress, you thought of all the other feelings you'd felt under the same mattress. You couldn't afford to think of things along those lines if you were going to do this properly. 

"Everything, I just want to clear things before we move on." You spoke staring at your knees, it felt like the horrible scene of a movie when the couple break up and everyone in the room watching it, heart’s clench. 

You were fighting back tears, you weren't weak. There was a long silence, you wished Luke would just kick you out, accept your apology and apologise himself. You wished he'd tell you that the time you'd been together had been good, and that you should be happy for each other. You waited and waited for it.

"What!" Was all you received from Luke. 

You snapped your head around to him, he was leaning forward, face scrunched in a tight ball. It was frightening you a little. Not in a physical scary way, like you were frightened of what he was going to say. 

"You mean you and Michael are actually, like, getting it on?!" He screeched. That is all he got from what you just said.

"That’s not what I'm saying." 

"But it’s true."

You huffed, he really wasn't getting it. You were trying to apologise for all the shit you had put him through, and you wanted an apology back.   
"That's not the point." 

He huffed this time, rolling his eyes at you. "Then what is?"

"You're a prick." Was all you could managed to say.

"Okay and you’re hooking up with my best friend when I'm still obviously in love with you."

You gripped your hands into your thighs, you didn't want to hear how he loved you, you wanted this to be easy. 

"How the hell can you say that Luke?" You protested.

"What?" 

"That you love me." You were now facing Luke on his bed, both of you were flushed in anger. 

"Because I do, too much." He croaked, tears in his eyes, teeth in his lip. 

The words stung you, you didn't want to spiral back into this, Michael was waiting for you a door away. 

"You don't mean it anymore Luke, you wouldn't have done all the shit you've done if you did." You were staying true to your original intentions, trying to ignore the way your eyes were watering.

Luke’s mouth gaped open, he'd think he looked pathetic, he was speechless. 

"Luke you love me, so you bring a girl home. Ignore me, take the piss out of sleeping with me!" You were venting out your anger, instead of crying. 

You preferred to cry.

"Because I was trying to make you jealous alright? Like how you were with Michael, well I thought you were trying to make me jealous, I guess you just fell for him instead." His voice trailing off.

"I wouldn't have fallen for him if you weren't being such a coward." You snapped, wiping a tear from your eye, you weren't going to cry, they were just tears of anger being forced out by your pure frustration. 

"So you have fallen for him!" He yelled, leaping from the bed, starting to pace the room. 

You couldn't say yes because you hadn’t and you couldn't say no because you had.

"Look I'm just sorry Luke, I'm sorry."

He didn’t reply just exhaled loudly as he walked the length of the room. Everything was still as you searched for anything to say. You couldn't see yourself leaving this room as friends. Either way whatever you did, someone would get hurt, and you didn't want anyone to. You took in consideration that all the time you had been worrying about hurting someone you'd just been repeatedly hurting yourself. Luke stopped, locking eyes with you as if taking in every last detail before he lost you. 

"I'm sorry, I should be the one apologising. I've really fucked this up haven't I?" Luke crumbled, every bit of pride he had falling away. 

He had fucked up, you wanted to forgive him, but you knew he wouldn't accept ‘just friends’.

You nodded, turning into yourself. You weren't watching him but could hear his footsteps fade and you could feel his eyes in the back of your head. 

"Can we just be civil please?" You croaked out. 

"Is that all you want?" He mumbled, you could picture him biting his lip, fumbling his hands and awkwardly rubbing his feet together.

"Right now?" You asked turning to him, taking in the sight of him in front of you. "Yes." You answered your own question.

"But the more we’re apart the more you'll like…him."

It was true, the more time you spent away from Luke the more you turned to Michael to comfort you, to kiss you. 

"But I can’t just go back to being normal again Luke."

He sat next to you, a dent forming in the bed. "Make me a compromise then?" 

You creased your brow, turning to look up at him.

"I'll give us a break, I won’t be a dick, if you and Mikey just don't, get it on."

It hit you in the chest, hard. You were actually having to choose. Your heart surged, you'd no idea what to do. You would actually be alone then, with no safe base. You'd have nowhere to sleep, nowhere where you belonged. It was too late, and you had one of the most influential days of your life tomorrow you could be doing without this. 

"Luke, I don't know what to say." You thought it sounded better than the deafening silence. 

Luke clenched his jaw, "I really can't believe you." 

It was all he said before dropping his head, you weren't sure if he was crying or not, he was however letting himself fall apart in front of you. Every little wrong thing you'd said to him cut through you, as you remembered all your memories, all the times he'd kiss the frown off of your face. Now when it came to, you were torn to not return his favours. You slowly pulled yourself from the bed, leaving Luke in a crumbled state, next to where your lasting imprint stayed.

"I'm staying in Michael’s room from now on." You whispered, it was obvious who you were choosing. 

"Nice, rub it in." He cried through gritted teeth.

"I have nowhere else to go." You exasperated.

You took a deep breath in, before exhaling it slowly. Your technique of trying not to cry. Luke’s technique on the other hand, seemed to not be working very well. He rubbed his eyes, only making the tears worse. He didn’t blabber or whimper, he silently cried, not that it made it any better.

"My sofa, stay on my sofa. Please, just stay with me, I'll stay on the sofa if you want, you can take the bed, I can sleep on the floor whatever it is, I need you. I need to know you’re here and every night I need to reassure myself you will be there when I wake up." His voice cracked. 

You lost it, you broke down in tears, your face now covered in streams of droplets. You shook your head.   
"I…" You couldn't even finish your sentence, the lump in your throat was stuck, as if it had never left.  
"Luke I can't keep doing this to myself." You choked out, Luke was breaking his heart for you, he'd broken yours a while ago. 

Luke let out a sound which you could only describe as the middle ground between silence and a sob, he broke to swallow hard, running his hand across his neck hastily as if his air was trapped. 

"Please." He gasped, throat dry. 

The room was spinning, you were so confused. You couldn't help thinking of how Michael told you you'd never be confused again with him. Your head wouldn’t shake or nod, your mouth wouldn't move, you were just stood gulping, breathing.

"Why now? If it wasn't for Mike you wouldn't do this." You barely whispered, it was the truth, how you felt.

Luke frantically shook his head his arms flailing, "Stop saying that, you know it's not true. I'm like this because I love you. And you’re doing this to me." 

Love, the word love hit you like a ton of clichéd fucking red bricks, again. The whole situation had escalated more than you'd ever liked it to, forcing your healing heart to shatter again. You had to sit back down to steady yourself. You stared into the corner of the room, your eyes losing their focus, your brain strained itself into not crying. You bit down onto your inner bottom lip and forced your eyes shut tightly.

"I..." 

You couldn't bring yourself to say it, you weren't wanting to let Luke into yourself. You opened your eyes to the site of Luke now towering over you.

"I love you too Luke." Your throat closed up as if it was trying to get you to stop, knowing the backlash. 

"Then why are you doing this!" 

He was now genuinely shouting at you as if he couldn't understand your point of view. You ran your hand through your hair and pulled it out again only to run it down your face. 

"If you love me then why can’t we be together?" Luke’s foot was taping, the noise felt as if it was echoing round the room. 

"Stop tapping your foot." You whispered. 

"What could possibly stop you being with me?" He shouted louder than before, ignoring your request to stop him tapping his foot on the creaky floorboards. 

You stared intensely at his foot, hoping that it was going to stop it. The sound of his foot was all you could hear, the noise of the dull bang ringing in your ears. 

"Stop tapping your foot." You said a little louder.

"I love you y/n, it’s easy."

"Luke, your foot stop it."

"I understand you don't trust me but we can get through this."

"Luke stop banging your god damn foot."

"What has Michael got that I hav-"

"STOP TAPPING YOUR FUCKING FOOT!" You screamed, out of breath. You were going fucking mad.

Luke immediately stopped, waiting for you to answer the endless questions he was throwing at you. Your brain was jumbled, unable to focus.

"Why?" Luke demanded again, this time bluntly, upset but not angry.

"Because you fuck me around, you drove me to Michael, Luke. But I still love you, do you know how suckish that is for me, that you’re just like something that I can never let go of, as much as you hurt me."

With that Luke blinked once, twice before sitting down next to you, resting his hands in his lap following it with his head. You could hear his deep breathing, coming from beside you. He was unknowingly playing with your heart strings, pulling you near your edge. 

"Luke..." You started, angling yourself towards him.

"I'm so sorry, you deserve better than me." Luke responded, muffled.

You let out a high pitched sob with that, you needed Luke. You didn't care in what way, you just needed him, always.

"I know." You breathed, he looked at you shocked. He obviously wasn't expecting it. "But I’m so fucking stuck on you."


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait. I've been stupidly busy. BUT   
> IM BACK (with smut be warned)   
> Love you guys xo

You were both sat awkwardly next to each other, staring at the space in front of you. You leant forward so your elbows were resting on your knees and your hands resting on your head. You looked down at Luke’s feet; they were awkwardly shuffling against each other. You blinked away the tears in your eyes causing one to crash on your cheek; you quickly wiped it away in one swift movement. You could feel Lukes eyes scanning your face, he sighed as he saw your tears falling. 

You slowly moved to face him. Your eyes flickering from his and the ground. He started to lean closer to you. It felt as if you were 12 years old again, you were at a party where you and the guy you fancied had separated yourselves from the rest and he was making a move, but he was going to be your first kiss. 

You were panicking. 

You gulped, your heart was thumping. 

It’s only Luke, it's only Luke. 

You’d forgotten everything you'd ever knew about how easy things were with Luke in that moment. Your mouth dried suddenly, your throat tightened. You had to move back, Luke opened his eyes at the exact point where your lips should've met. His eyes lit up in worry when he saw you with your hands over your mouth, shaking your head.

"You’re not ready, I get it. I promised we'd break, and I've fucked up again, like always." Luke started spilling, in blind panic. 

You could only shake your head, unable to actually formulate words. Things had gone sideways, and you weren't even that bothered, you did love Luke and seeing him in the vulnerable state he was in now only reinforced it. You had no clue what would happen with Mike though. 

"Stop, Luke." You struggled out, reaching over, laying your hand on his lap. "It’s not all your fault, we were both dicks." You squeezed his upper thigh as you spoke, a sense of protection, for you and him.

He shuffled his bum awkwardly in his seat. His head was hung in an ashamed manner, even though his eyes were trying to lose sight of yours, you could see them because of the height difference. 

You looked up at his face, his jaw tensing and tongue pushing against the side of his cheek. "I'm not against you Luke; I want this as much as you do." Your thumb made circles on the inside of his thigh. 

You kept you eyes trying to connect with his but they were flickering around the room. "Look at me." You insisted as he fidgeted away from you. 

"What are you doing?" You motioned towards his awkward stance. He looked at you for a second, gritting his teeth then looking back downwards. You followed his eyeline.

"Shit." You pulled your hand away from his bulging crotch. "Fuck, sorry I didn’t-"

"My fault." He said, letting out the slightest chuckle.

 

You felt awful for him but sneakily proud of yourself that you could still easily have an effect on him in that way. You put the thought of the fact you also had the same effect on Michael to the back of your mind. You just grinned cheekily at Luke, you were confused as to why you'd been cautious to kiss him when you were having thoughts which involved a lot more than kissing presently. It was probably due to the fact you'd done this so many times with Luke, it was all too easy. 

In the time you'd zoned out Luke had turned a deep pink, his lips displaying dents from his teeth. He was awkwardly shifting on the bed, you weren't even touching him. Being a guy must suck in that respect. 

"Kind of my fault." You giggled, Luke groaned in agreement before standing up shiftily.

"I'm- just- yeah." Luke started heading in the direction of the bathroom. 

"Luke, wait." You protested, following his footsteps. 

He turned hesitantly back around. You tried to take your eyes off his tented skinny jeans.

"Sit down." You whispered, trying not to let out a giggle.

He pulled a face at you, confused and most probably embarrassed. "I've just got to go-"

"No, just sit."

He shook his head, grabbing the knob of the door and turning it to leave but before he could you grabbed his arm, pulling him towards you. His body stiffened as you crashed your lips on to his, holding your breath waiting for him to kiss back. It took him a while; you guessed he was just taken aback by it.

"Just sit the fuck down." You whispered between kisses, he nodded. Picking your legs up so they landed around his waist. 

You weren't going to go any further that a blowjob, you promised yourself. What a weird fucking thought.

He took you over to the bed where he sat on the edge, as you were planted on his lap.

"What about Mike?" He mumbled. 

Way to ruin the mood Luke.

You pulled away for a second. "I'm just relieving a friend." You made excuses for your actions.

He nodded again; you pushed your lips onto his for a second time, as you both rocked back and forth in passion. You slide your way to the ground over his body, kissing every part of him on the way down. Luke placed his hands behind him, already harder than you thought; he looked down at you with a gazed stare. You unzipped his tight jeans, the bulge nearly splitting them. 

You kissed at the top of the hem of his underwear before pulling it down with your teeth. You took his length in your hand, pumping it slowly. Luke flung his head back, breathing out curse words. 

"Fuck Y/n."

You shushed him before placing your lips around the girth, you bobbed your head, moving your tongue the way you knew he liked it. He brought his hand round so it was pushing your head, guiding you. Small groans released from Lukes lips; he bit down on his tongue between his teeth stopping himself from screaming. 

"Faster." He stuttered, you agreed. And soon Luke was moaning, not caring if people heard. His whole body tensed before he released into your mouth, you pulled off, wiping your mouth and swallowing the rest.

"Fuck." He exhaled.

You slowly got up from your knees, your jaw starting its slight ache already; it had been a while okay? You pushed yourself onto the bed, lying flat out next to Luke as if he'd just fucked you. You kind of wished he had in some way. Through the part of your eyesight which wasn't obstructed by the quilt you saw Luke sorting himself out before stripping his jeans off before lying down next to you in a tee and a new pair of boxers. You were completely content, the reason for your smile lying next to you, in a sex haze that you'd caused. He'd been an absolute prick lately, but seeing him like this made you rethink again. You were never set on a decision, and that made you honestly the most anxious you'd ever been. 

You felt the bed shift beside you, Luke rolled over to fit his body behind yours perfectly, slowly stroking one hand through the ends of your hair. It was coupley, secure and just what you had been craving. You tensed up your body slightly so that you were the closest to Luke that you could be. His chin fitted on the top of your head and you nuzzled into the crook of his neck. His arms pulled you in tighter as you readjusted your shoulders so that position was perfect. 

"You’ve always been good at blowies." Luke laughed on the top of your head; his hand that was playing your hair had moved the strands over your shoulder and had relaxed its self there.

"Shut up Lucas." You giggled kicking his legs, which were playing footsie with yours.

"It’s a compliment." He argued, you grunted. These things always embarrassed you. Not the actions, just talking about it made you cringe.

"You were a little loud." You whispered.

“Who gives a shit?" He whispered back, smiling.

You tilted your head up and back to look at him, his tongue hanging from his grin. 

"Put your tongue away." You poked.

"Do it for me." He breathed, placing his hand under your chin and lifting it to your lips. 

The kiss was guided, initiated but natural. You just let your lips naturally move together, lazily. This whole thing had been unplanned, but perfectly contenting. You were secure in Luke’s arms, his lips on yours, as you were shifting over to make the kiss easier. You didn't need to make much effort as Luke moved with you, both of you complimenting each other. The kiss ended mutually as you both wore a bit tired, your mouth sore.

"You’re so beautiful." Luke spoke against your lips, his eyes looking dead into yours, you weren't about to move. 

You just raised an eyebrow at him, he always had a habit of over complimenting you. You wouldn't have minded if Michael hadn't shared the same trait. 

As perfect as you felt, things were slowly falling in on you. You had an interview tomorrow, yet it didn't look like you would be sleeping anytime soon. As if Luke could read your mind he asked, "When's your college interview?"

"Tomorrow." It just brought back a slight overwhelming sense of change, it also brought back the fact you'd told Michael you'd meet him in his room. Now he'd probably heard Luke, you didn't want to think about what you'd logistically do next. 

"I'm sure you're going to wow them." He smiled, unaware of the thoughts flashing around your mind. The reasonable way to finish all of this was to call everything off. To start a clean slate for college but you weren't thinking normally, you never did. 

You just wanted to put everything off until it erupted, how everything ended nowadays. You rolled your eyes at Luke.

"Just flash them that smile you showed me when we first met, they'll fall in love." He laughed.

“I don't want them falling in love with me Luke."

"Neither do I, actually." His voice sounded so happy, so different. All of this was overwhelming, you were finally at ease. 

Only because with Luke you forgot everything, your feelings for Michael, your interview worries, the upcoming tour, Freddie and Calum and Char’s relationship. Everything was forgotten with Luke. 

"I'm sure they'll be more worried about my grades than my smile." You laughed back at him. 

"Doubt it." Luke fake frowned back at you.

"You don't want me to stay do you?" You dived in the deep end, you knew what his answer would be, and you just thought maybe it would give you a slight indication of what you were going to do from hearing it. 

"I want you to be happy. If that means you can't come on tour it means just that. You know I want you with me always though." You pecked his lips with that, he was one of the best people in the world, conflicting but still. 

"I want to make myself happy." You sighed, you were only truly happy in company you couldn't keep

"I understand." Luke spoke back, he always did.

"What's the time?" You asked, turning over a new leaf on the conversation. Luke uhed, before leaning down and patting around the floor for his phone, his bare legs flexed as he strained himself to lay back down next to you. You readjusted your position into him.

"It is..." He unlocked his phone, distracting himself with the messages for a moment.

"Its 7." He locked his phone back up, placing it next to him, seeing as he had no pockets. 

Your belly grumbled, "Fuck I'm hungry." You laughed. 

He twisted his body so it was facing you. "Would you like me to make you my speciality?" His lips tilted on the side of his face. 

"You mean ordering pizza?" 

He laughed, nodding. 

"Go for it." You giggled.

"And we can watch any movie of your choice." He nudged your side.

"Any?" You winked. 

"Anything but the notebook because I swear to god one more time and I'll-“ 

"Ok not the notebook." You laughed, sitting up right. 

"I've just got to um." You had to speak to Michael, you couldn't just leave him hanging in his room. 

"I'll be back in a sec." You continued. 

Luke nodded, dialling who you guessed was the pizza delivery on his phone. 

You stepped out into the cold hallway and into Michael’s even colder bedroom. His room felt cold, you couldn't believe it. Just a few hours ago it had seemed the best place in the world, its proximities comfortable. It still was your safe place, or Michael was. He didn't seem to be as open as he was earlier, his room was dark now. No glisten of the sun to enlighten Michaels glow. There was the dim out source of his gaming box, a quiet repetitive drill of vibration from the control. It was eerie.


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sorry its been so long! college and exams and shit, hope you enjoy the long awaited chapter x

Michael himself was sat on the far corner of his bed, fading into the atmosphere. It all seemed so controlled. You walked over to where he was sat, yourself sinking into the background. As you got to the bed, and slowly sat down aware that you were intruding.

"Mike.." You hastily said, you had no answer. Great, he was always one to opt for the silent treatment.

"Mikey" You repeated, his eyes darted away from the screen for a moment, no where towards you though, only to the corner of the room where they stared in a silent rage as his jaw clenched his words back.

He looked back up to his game, mumbling curses between his lips as a sniper shot him dead. There was a short silence before he restarted up his game and he relived himself.

"I don't like it when youre like this" You cried to him, trying too hard to get him to focus his attention to you. He scoffed, still not replying to you. you murmured a whatever under your lips, giving up and standing up to leave the room.

"Guessing it wasn't bonnie making him moan" He said, as you saw his whole body tense. "No, no it was definitely bonnie doing that, I was just downstairs having some dinner" is what you could have said, you could have lied through your teeth.

"No, it wasn't" You hung your head.

"And I'm 99% sure it wasn't ash or cal"

"Maybe" You whispered trying to make a joke, he just rolled his eyes.

"I just find it funny how you can go and do that so easily, while I was in here waiting for you." He said putting his control down, turning towards you in anger, standing up but not moving. You were uncomfortable, you knew what you'd done was wrong, but it so wasn't wrong, none of this was wrong to you.

"It wasn't supposed to be like that."

"So you fell onto his dick." Michael flared back at you, you'd used those words before to Luke, it made things more real.

"No, It was supposed to be a cut off." You doubted that made things better, Micahel made it clear it didn't in tensing himself, his veins protruding.

"But it wasn't. What did he do feed you some more of his bullshit?!" The idea of it being bullshit, angered you. He'd broken down in front of you, begged for you.

"No, Mikey stop. We spoke things out."

"More than spoke." He scoffed. You weren't going to get anywhere like this.

"I'm not going to stand here and argue like teenagers"

"We are teenagers" he laughed, taking a step towards you.

"Well were not babies, Michael" You stated, shuffling your bum a little further back on the bed. Your voice was strong and brave but all you wanted to do was back straight out of the room.

"You and luke are practically babies" He poked, you and luke had always been the kids of your friendship group, even if you were basically adults. You tutted at him,

"Look, I'm just coming in to say that I.." You croaked out, "We cant do this any more"

"He's fucking brainwashed you" He scoffed, evilly laughing. taking another step toward you so he was standing over you sat on the bed. you shot your body up so your eyes were in line with his.

"Fuck off Mikey" You pushed past him but his unusually frozen cold hands grappled on to your arm. Once you turned back he dropped them and spat

"Just remember when he's fucking you he's probably thinking of someone else" You lift your hand up to smack it straight across his smug face but his arms tense and grabbed your hand before it could reach his cheek.

"Don't even try" He scoffed. You yanked your arm away from him.

"I can't fucking believe you." You snarled.

"Snap!" Michael yelled in your face. You did hate him like this, you always preferred having him close, Luke was good to be around relationship wise but Mikey was always your getaway. There would be no more talking tonight as you stormed out of Mikes room and straight into Lukes slamming the door behind you.  
You were running between the two sides of your heart, settling one while breaking the other. Luke looked positively shocked, you must have looked pissed off.

"He doesn't like the fact I've got you, does he?" Out of all the things Luke could've said, he opted for the one that would infuriate you.

"You don't have me Luke, for gods sake. Is that all your worried about? Owning me?!" You overreacted, and you didn't care at all. All you wanted now was pizza and cuddles, Luke had to go all relationship on you, and ruin it.

"Calm down" he told you off.

"No" you protested like a kid, pacing the room. You were just as Michael said you were. you stormed over to the sofa, slumping yourself down and throwing your head in your hands. Luke sat down on to his bed. letting out a little gasp.

"I'm sorry" He whispered, but he was just trying to make you happy, he didn't know what he was sorry for. You shook your head.

"No one owns me, OK?!" You insisted.

"I know, I just meant your my-" "I'm no ones anything" You cut in. Gritting your teeth, running your hands through your very messy hair. Your head was spinning once again. you just wanted to pass out in someone's arms, probably Charlotte's,  if you were completely honest. That only made you think of Char again and if her and Cal had sorted things out, last thing you'd heard from her you'd been moaning about Bonnie. Which only made you feel like shit, imagining Lukes lips on hers earlier.

"I know, but this, us. It's exclusive right?" You shrugged exaggerated, you didnt think you could have an exclusive whatever you and Luke had. You didn't like him with other people which was pretty selfish seeing as you'd had feelings for Michael.

"Y/n, stop shutting me out all of the time." You sighed into your hands, you hated infuriating people but it's all you seemed to do. You pulled out your phone, texting Char if you could come round she quickly replied that you could. You were desperate to leave.

"I need to go, see Char." You spoke honestly to Luke who was sat tensely opposite you.

"Sure whatever. Leave me again." It wasn't like that, he knew it wasn't he was just being a prick like always.

"Text me when the pizza gets here and I'll be right over, it only takes 15 minutes" You smiled innocently, trying not to anger him any more. He shrugged.

"Do what you want" He rolled on to his side, so only his back was facing you. you didnt know how a back could be so beautiful, his shoulders popping over the side of his black vest top.

"I promise I'll be back, I'm not leaving you" you croaked, he grunted in return. 

You huffed and left, you were sure that when you got back and there was pizza in play Luke would be in a better mood. You ran down the stairs, two steps at a time. You struggled to get on your boots, falling off balance. You grabbed the coat from the banister, throwing it over your head. The sleeve was inside out and it was frustrating you, with a "urgh" you pushed you arm threw, you were annoying yourself to the greatest degree .You almost jogged to the car, never making the mistake of attempting to walk again. As soon as you started the car you turned up the radio, drowning everything with the base of the next big pop song. It was only a 15 minute drive, it was exact, you smiled to yourself at least you could get something right. You parked up just outside the house, and made your way to Chars door, bracing yourself for her appearance it would be all telling. Char was quick to answer the Door, her eyes dark, hair greasy. She looked like an image of you, it's what boys in fucking bands did to you. You pulled her into a hug, stepping inside closing the door.

"You look like shit." You jokingly laughed into her shoulder, 

"you too." She replied, smiling. 

With that you followed her up into her lounge, there was a wine glass on her centric glass table, half empty. You wondered if she'd even stopped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was written over text message and probably should never have turned into this but we're glad it did.  
> Joint Written.  
> Thank you, Kudos and Comments are much appreciated.  
> Authors Links.
> 
> Tumblr: http://ohsotheresonlyonedirection.tumblr.com/  
> Twitter: Multihemmo (Can ask for personal)  
> Tumblr: http://bloodstained-daisy.tumblr.com/  
> Twitter: Just ask.


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know its short but i just want to know if anyone still wants to read this?

"So.." You started, letting her lay things out first. You had always been a listener over a talker. 

“I texted him, he's still claiming he didn't do anything." 

You cringed with that, the thought of Georgie burning your insides.

“It's still crappy though, I love him but I feel like it would be easier for us both to stop. You know." She sighed, emotionless. She'd most likely done all her crying, and you knew it. 

“You have to do what you think is best." You only had a short amount of time with Char and you wanted to make the most of it. You didn’t care if all you spoke about was her and Calum, it was clearing your head whatever. 

“I don't even know if at this point in time were actually classed as dating or what" she continued blabbering, skipping over your piece of advice, which you didn’t mind; she was venting. 

“You are Char, you’re just going through a rough patch" 

She sat down next to you, crossing her legs and pulling the sleeves of her oversized jumper over her hands. 

“I don't think this will ever be resolved" 

That's how you felt about everything, nothing ever finished, it was an ongoing trial of hurt, agony and betrayal. You nodded in understanding.

“You know I haven't left this house in a week" she croaked. “And I don't think I've showered, or slept for even 10 hours yet." You felt so guilty that you were going to have to leave her, “I think I've drank my whole body weight in red wine." Her eyes darted around the room, to each empty glass. “I think I'm just," she paused in thought, lost in her own mind. "scared?" she said, as if a question.

You nodded in understanding, everything about it was scary. People wishing they were you, then wishing they could replace you, then finally wishing you never existed. The bright lights and screams were scary, paps were scary, arguments were scary. 

“You need to see him personally." It was probably the last thing she wanted, but it was the best thing or so you'd always found. “I have to go back soon, sort some things out. You could come back with me if you need a lift." 

Charlotte paled, probably feeling sick from the mess of alcohol and emotion in her system, instantly shaking her head before stilling a look of debate wiping over her. "He doesn't want to see me. I'm not sure I want to see him." She hushed, he did want to see her. He hadn't been the same Cal since they'd been arguing. In her moment of deliberation your phone buzzed.

'Luke❤️: pizzas here if u want it.'. You were guessing he was still a little pissed off. ”I have to hurry off" ,you whispered, tapping your foot anxiously on the floor. 

“Yeah, sure" she nodded, emptying the last of the wine down her throat. You were the worst friend, you sighed, torn between two houses. torn between two rooms. torn between two people. 

“Your coming with me" you insisted, getting off of the sofa. 

“I cant i-" 

“Yes you can, I'm not allowing you to wallow in your own filth, drinking yourself into oblivion, all alone" 

She huffed, looking up at you with a stern expression. 

“Don't give me that" You yanked her hand up, and it was enough to throw her petite body off the sofa. 

“Y/n" she whined.

"Wait here" you said, determined to get her to come. you ran up her stairs, she called after you as you slid into her room, picking up some new clothes, her room stank like a mixture of sweat and vodka. you scampered back down the stairs. Charlotte was stood in the exact same place she was when you left her. 

"what are you-" you threw the clean clothes at her.

"Put these on and meet me in the car" You walked back out of the room, you hoped the stern approach would get that job done. You’d been waiting in your car for at least 5 minutes before Char dragged herself out of the house, locking it. She looked like a made-up zombie if you were being honest. She must be hanging, you told her as much as she got into your car.

“Y/n, what if we end it?" 

"Then I'll take you back. Or you can crash in the lounge with me." You said calmly, you were sure that they were going to sort things out. 

“Anyway, how's your love life?" She chirped in, a bit of enthusiasm. 

"Well Luke brought that girl home, kicked her out, I was with Mike then he got jealous and basically begged for me back. I'm spending some time with him later." You loved beimg able to condense everything to Char and for her to still understand you. You hoped it reassured her in the fact nothing was perfect with you either. 

“You'll work things out." She replied, “You two always do.". Normally you would agree. 

“I've got a college interview tomorrow." That put you and Char in the same boat.

"That's awesome y/n/n" she smiled through her pain induced eyes, her happiness most probably coming from the many a glasses of wine she consumed. “You not going to go on tour with them?" 

You shrugged, focusing your eyes onto the road. 

"Me and Calum argued over the same thing" you glanced over to her, her eyeline following the trees and scenery of the darkening environment surrounding you.

“You mean Calum wants you to go on tour?" you scoffed toward her, she nodded solemnly, "That's pathetic you’re in uni" you mumbled, turning into your road. 

The fans heads turned in unison toward your car,some screaming to the others, like a wolf to their pack. Charlotte sank into her seat, “I know" she replied, smiling to some of her acquaintances hanging around outside of the house, you forgot she used to be just like them. 

You pulled up into the drive, the situation quickly dawning onto Charlotte. You opened your car door, looking back to Char whose eyes stared at the over powering building like a cat in head lights. "He's your boyfriend, you shouldn't be scared" you smiled to her, she looked back at you emotionless then back to the house, she slowly opened her door and got out, you followed her to the front door. you knocked a couple times, a shaking Charlotte stood behind you. The door swung open. 

"Finally, I nearly ate your half of the piz-" Calums face was a picture as Charlotte appeared at your side. 

"Char.." he breathed out.

**Author's Note:**

> This was written over text message and probably should never have turned into this but we're glad it did.  
> Joint Written.  
> Thank you, Kudos and Comments are much appreciated.  
> Authors Links.
> 
> Tumblr: http://ohsotheresonlyonedirection.tumblr.com/  
> Twitter: Multihemmo (Can ask for personal)  
> Tumblr: http://bloodstained-daisy.tumblr.com/  
> Twitter: Just ask.


End file.
